[djf1974]

hello everyone, i met my birth mother 4 years ago. during this time period we have become very close, but i am starting to feel overwhelmed in a sense. holidays are hard, juggling the two families, and especially hard because of the fact that i have possibly gotten to close with her. i spend every weekend at her house, my adoptive family was supportive at first, but are starting to grow weary of my over indulgence of her. i don't know what to do, they had said to seek counseling etc, it has gotten to the point where i am lying about going over their, saying i am out with friends, etc. it is in part my fault for allowing this to go on, but i have gotten so used to it. i have no social life, haven't dated since 2000, it's starting to affect me. but how do i go about rectfying it, any suggestions would be very helpful

[alpacamom]

It doesn't sound any different than my bios that have in-laws now, trying to juggle two families at holidays, etc. I live 4 hours away from them. I don't think any mom would expect a grown child to spend every weekend with them. My bios have lives of their own. We set up a schedule for holidays. One Thanksgiving is spent with me, Christmas with in-laws and then reversed the following year. It still becomes problematic when special things happen on a holiday that is designated to be mine but special to in-laws. We just work it out. You need to take control over your life and establish a combined schedule. Possibly you "family" will be unhappy with your decision, but you would be and that's what counts. "Moms" need to share too.