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  #1  
Old 03-28-2012, 07:48 PM
mooga mooga is offline
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Adult Adoptee Initiated Termination of Adoption

Hello everyone.

Has anyone heard of adult adoptees, or have any adult adoptees in this forum terminated his/her adoption with living adoptive parents in order to restore their natural parent(s) rights?

And if so, what outcomes are to be expected...if thats even possible to answer?
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  #2  
Old 03-28-2012, 08:02 PM
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RavenSong RavenSong is offline
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The parental rights of the adoptive parents do not need to be terminated in order for a natural parent to adopt his or her own adult child. It's not all that uncommon...I've known several nmoms over the years who adopted their grown kids in adulthood.
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  #3  
Old 03-28-2012, 08:15 PM
mooga mooga is offline
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Thanks RavenSong for the reply

I am aware that the natural parent can adopt back, but is there any legislation empowering the ADOPTEE to change their adoption status?

Or is the adoptee forever held powerless to determine their own status?
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  #4  
Old 03-29-2012, 06:45 PM
littletraveler littletraveler is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
Thanks RavenSong for the reply

I am aware that the natural parent can adopt back, but is there any legislation empowering the ADOPTEE to change their adoption status?

Or is the adoptee forever held powerless to determine their own status?

In this case, you can always have a legal name change and go back to your original name. However, you will not be the legal children of your birth parents.
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  #5  
Old 03-30-2012, 07:01 AM
mooga mooga is offline
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It bothers me as an adult adoptee that I, and I alone, hold no power over the outcome of who I belong to. That was decided for me 31 years ago and although I am an adult, I am not afforded the right to determine who I legally/rightfully belong to.

this is another control placed on the adoptee and I see this as a major fault with the adoption laws.

I believe that once an adoptee turns 18, THEY must be afforded the option to decide who THEY belong to. While I acknowledge a name change and/or the natural family adopting the adoptee back will restore what was denied at birth and answer this question in a way, I am troubled by the fact that the ADULT ADOPTEE does not have the legal power to decide for THEMSELVES.

I see adoption as a system of controls placed on the triad of adoptive family, natural family and adoptee, in hopes of keeping and maintaining truths about adoption and honesty about adoptions affects as quiet and uninterruptive as possible. This lack of transparency and honesty surrounding the adoption laws is discriminative against the adoptee; a party which is suffocating under the weight of misinformation and disception and treated as a minor by the court system when it comes to what is in their best interest.

I believe that whether an adoptees life is filled with happy memories or hurtful memories, there is some part of the triad that has CONTROLLED aspects of the adoption. These aspects could be as minor as telling the adoptee the afamily's holiday traditions have been past down for several generations so you must too, or as major as never telling the adoptee they are adopted.

Honesty is the only way to navigate through all the dynamics that occur in an adoption. And I believe without honesty with every aspect of the adoptee's life, both pre and post adoption, the adoptee is not FREE to be themselves.

...ps. Thank you for everyone that had read this post and for the couple that have responded. It is wonderful to look at peoples posts on here and see how many people are reading them and finding honest answers and perceptions. Thank you again for you comments.
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  #6  
Old 03-30-2012, 07:57 AM
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Drywall Drywall is offline
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mooga, its easy to see why you may want to change your name and become independent.

You are not a slave, you may belong to anyone you choose.

To insure that you have an endpoint that is what you want, the easy way would be to contact an attorney in your state.

Many attorneys provide a first interview that is free. This is to determine if there is enough evidence to go to court.

That way you are not guided by the "hearsay" of what other people in your situation have done and may not work in your circumstances.

It is no big deal to get a name changed, but you will have to instruct the court on what you want it to do.

At that point you can decide who you want to belong too, or if you want to simply be a free agent and belong to no one.

I wish you the best.
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  #7  
Old 03-30-2012, 08:43 PM
littletraveler littletraveler is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
It bothers me as an adult adoptee that I, and I alone, hold no power over the outcome of who I belong to. That was decided for me 31 years ago and although I am an adult, I am not afforded the right to determine who I legally/rightfully belong to.

this is another control placed on the adoptee and I see this as a major fault with the adoption laws.

I believe that once an adoptee turns 18, THEY must be afforded the option to decide who THEY belong to. While I acknowledge a name change and/or the natural family adopting the adoptee back will restore what was denied at birth and answer this question in a way, I am troubled by the fact that the ADULT ADOPTEE does not have the legal power to decide for THEMSELVES.

I see adoption as a system of controls placed on the triad of adoptive family, natural family and adoptee, in hopes of keeping and maintaining truths about adoption and honesty about adoptions affects as quiet and uninterruptive as possible. This lack of transparency and honesty surrounding the adoption laws is discriminative against the adoptee; a party which is suffocating under the weight of misinformation and disception and treated as a minor by the court system when it comes to what is in their best interest.

I believe that whether an adoptees life is filled with happy memories or hurtful memories, there is some part of the triad that has CONTROLLED aspects of the adoption. These aspects could be as minor as telling the adoptee the afamily's holiday traditions have been past down for several generations so you must too, or as major as never telling the adoptee they are adopted.

Honesty is the only way to navigate through all the dynamics that occur in an adoption. And I believe without honesty with every aspect of the adoptee's life, both pre and post adoption, the adoptee is not FREE to be themselves.

...ps. Thank you for everyone that had read this post and for the couple that have responded. It is wonderful to look at peoples posts on here and see how many people are reading them and finding honest answers and perceptions. Thank you again for you comments.

I think the main reason you can't say who you belong to on your own is because adoption changes more than family relationships. It also changes legal status for inheritance, next of kin in medical situations, etc. Although there are some birth parents who did not want to relinquish their children or have massive regrets, there are just as many who never wanted a/the baby and have no interest in having any emotional or legal ties to them. So, this is why you cannot un-adopt yourself, for lack of a better way to put it.

I know you are someone who has a great need to have a full reconnection to your birth parents. Reclaiming your birth name or surname would be a way to do that. Also, you have a genealogical heritage and no one can take that away from you. I encourage you to become involved in family tree research and DNA testing for family tree research purposes. It is a wonderful way to connect to extended relatives and may give you some of the reconnection you hope to find through paperwork and blood ties. You may find people who are going to love to hear from you and see that you are in their tree.

By the way, how is your relationship with your birth parents? Are they aware of your feelings?
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  #8  
Old 04-01-2012, 06:40 AM
ksk ksk is offline
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Mooga,

My story might not be the excact same, but when I read your title on your thread it got my attention and I felled writing a few words back to you.

Im foreign adopted and I have rescinded my adoption. I no longer belongs to the former adoptive family.
Legally im allowed to be restored with my biological family - but I don´t know who they are. That leads me to think about if I should try search for them or not.

Thank you for writing this thread... I think I can follow you, because its not long ago since i´ve got through it myself.

Kind regard
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  #9  
Old 04-01-2012, 11:35 AM
mooga mooga is offline
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thanks for the insight. little traveler, i reunited with my family last march 19th and it has been a WONDERFUL, FULFILLING experience. I have a full relationship with my family that is embraced with openess, honesty, trust, and love...to be understood by someone without having to defend or justify myself has been a welcome relief for me.

I am in the process of writing my reunion story and posting it in the reunion forum. In it, you will read just how open and honest I have been with my natural family about the effects of adoption has been on me. ...stayed tuned, its an unlifting and encouraging story for all adoptees and natural families looking to reunite. I hope afamilies will find insight in it as well.

ksk, I want to encourage you to post your accounts of rescinding your adoption because there are over 200 people who have read this thread about adoption termination. Im sure they are eager to read what you had to do and the emotions you had to endure and possibly continue to endure over your rescinding journey. I know I am curious to learn what you had to do legally and the emotions because of it.
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  #10  
Old 04-01-2012, 04:22 PM
Sunshiny Sunshiny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
thanks for the insight. little traveler, i reunited with my family last march 19th and it has been a WONDERFUL, FULFILLING experience. I have a full relationship with my family that is embraced with openess, honesty, trust, and love...to be understood by someone without having to defend or justify myself has been a welcome relief for me.

I am in the process of writing my reunion story and posting it in the reunion forum. In it, you will read just how open and honest I have been with my natural family about the effects of adoption has been on me. ...stayed tuned, its an unlifting and encouraging story for all adoptees and natural families looking to reunite. I hope afamilies will find insight in it as well.

ksk, I want to encourage you to post your accounts of rescinding your adoption because there are over 200 people who have read this thread about adoption termination. Im sure they are eager to read what you had to do and the emotions you had to endure and possibly continue to endure over your rescinding journey. I know I am curious to learn what you had to do legally and the emotions because of it.


I look forward to your story. It seems like we only hear the bad which I understand due to the need for support when things go bad. But it will be uplifting to hear the good.
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  #11  
Old 04-02-2012, 08:27 PM
littletraveler littletraveler is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
thanks for the insight. little traveler, i reunited with my family last march 19th and it has been a WONDERFUL, FULFILLING experience. I have a full relationship with my family that is embraced with openess, honesty, trust, and love...to be understood by someone without having to defend or justify myself has been a welcome relief for me.

I am in the process of writing my reunion story and posting it in the reunion forum. In it, you will read just how open and honest I have been with my natural family about the effects of adoption has been on me. ...stayed tuned, its an unlifting and encouraging story for all adoptees and natural families looking to reunite. I hope afamilies will find insight in it as well.

ksk, I want to encourage you to post your accounts of rescinding your adoption because there are over 200 people who have read this thread about adoption termination. Im sure they are eager to read what you had to do and the emotions you had to endure and possibly continue to endure over your rescinding journey. I know I am curious to learn what you had to do legally and the emotions because of it.

I look forward to reading it!
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  #12  
Old 04-07-2012, 03:03 PM
Blue_Suede_Shoes Blue_Suede_Shoes is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
It bothers me as an adult adoptee that I, and I alone, hold no power over the outcome of who I belong to. That was decided for me 31 years ago and although I am an adult, I am not afforded the right to determine who I legally/rightfully belong to.

The reason you can't decide alone is because it affects both parties, frankly. The adoptee isn't the only one whose life is changed by the decision; the natural parents' situation is also changed by the adoptee returning to the family.

Adult adoption works differently than the adoption of a minor does. To adopt an adult, only the party being adopted and the party doing the adopting need to consent - not the current legal parents. The adoptive parents wouldn't be involved.

However, I don't see how it could work with one involved party (either adoptee and natural parent) not consenting. I don't see how a family relationship can be built that's entirely one-sided.

While I think your point is a really good one from an emotional standpoint, from a practical standpoint I don't see how it could work without both the adoptee and the parent agreeing to it.

The adoptee's consent is needed for an adult adoption, as it should be. The parent's consent is needed too, though, because it's a decision that affects both.
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  #13  
Old 06-20-2012, 11:04 AM
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lookin4u18 lookin4u18 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mooga
Hello everyone.

Has anyone heard of adult adoptees, or have any adult adoptees in this forum terminated his/her adoption with living adoptive parents in order to restore their natural parent(s) rights?

And if so, what outcomes are to be expected...if thats even possible to answer?

I am also wondering if as an adult, can I become un-adopted from my adoptive family? My adoptive family has pretty much disowned me. Everyone for the exception of 2 people treat me as if they never wanted me in the family, and/or have disowned me completely. I am 24 years old, will be 25 in 2 weeks. I want to legally be my birthfathers daughter again. I really don't want to go through a 3rd adoption in my life. I don't want to be a part of my adoptive family anymore. Help please!!
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  #14  
Old 06-20-2012, 02:38 PM
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Drywall Drywall is offline
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Looking4, what you are asking is very simple and it can be done in several ways.

In my own case there was a great deal of abuse from my a-family. I called them together, and told them I was leaving. They were not to call me or have any more contact even in cases of catastrophic illness.

I did not change my name because all of my credits, certificates, etc. were in the name given to me by my birth family. They no longer wanted me, and I no longer was willing to allow the abuse.

I let the adoption stand because it made no difference. Now that I was grown except for medical history, it didn't matter whether or not i had been adopted.

I suggest that if you want to simply change your name to that of your b-fathers, it is no big thing. Name changes in court are simple.

If you want to over turn the adoption that is more difficult and will require the advice of an attorney.

Many attorneys offer a free first consultation to see if there is enough evidence to go to court.

I wish you the best.
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Old 06-23-2012, 05:12 PM
mooga mooga is offline
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I had breakfast with my natural mom and her brother, uncle Joe today and we got to discussing how I've been contemplating having my natural mom restore my birthright and adopt me so I can be a part of my family once again.

He encouraged me to first see thru the eyes of my adoptive family so I could understand the hurt they will probably feel. And lastly encouraged me to be persistent in pursuing my happiness: whether that be keeping my adoptive name or restoring my family name.

I understand many adoptees will make decisions based on how different members of their adoptive family will feel, I believed like this up until I made a conscience decision a year ago not to let their feelings influence my dreams and desires. It hasn't been easy defending my decisions, but I am freer, so so much freer to pursue my happiness.

I would like to encourage all the adoptees who have visited this post and considered changing your name or being adopted back to be honest with yourselves and pursue your happiness. A name change may most certainly hurt the adoptive families, but I believe they should have enough love for the adoptee to encourage them and support their pursuit of happiness.

I believe the worst thing I did to myself growing up as an adoptee was to live in fear of hurting everyone around me, but at the same time denying what makes me happy and fulfilled as a person.

ADOPTEES, understand what makes you happy and pursue it without letting fear grip you like I allowed it to grip me.
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