[EZ2Luv]

Sometimes knowing too much about adoption and reunion can have a downside. Yesterday a few of us at work were talking. Now there is a receptionist there that is rather loud and somewhat of a drama queen who for the most part trys to dominate conversations and it is always all about her. Well she went one to tell some elaborate story about contacting her biodad which no one even knew about considering 3 months ago she was crying about her father passing away. Anyhow her story was difficult for any of us to follow except for one other person who apparently was more in the know about who and what she was talking about.( another office worker, they are friends). So there was never any mention of a biodad.
As confusing as it was all I heard that I was able to understand aside from her excitement and this mans excitement about contact, multiple marathon phone calls email and texts and that his wife said "if this were not a long lost daughter I would think he was having an affair). I said be careful, the wife may be afraid of gentic sexual attraction. OMG the woman did all but sucker punch me, pull this huge scene ranting on about "how dare you say such an aweful and disgusting thing ect ect. She wouldn't even give me a chance to explain what it was or why I said what I did but went on accusing me of being evil and throwing an insult her way. I did apologize if she took it the wrong way but she was not having any kind of explaination or accepting an apology she was like "just get away from me before I slap you" I did feel bad but also feel she over reacted and had no idea what GSA even was. She does know I an involved in adoption and reunion and knows part of my story. I will also add that I do understand how people can be excited at reunion but in hearing her it really sounded like a little more than finding a biodad but the only reason I said what I did was when she mentioned the mans wife saying what she did about the two of them being in the phone every waking hour.

IDK but I am so done with this woman, it is not the first time she has pulled this kind of thing. It is almost as though she is resentful that anyone can be educated or have experience about certain things and she has to be the one to know everything. I just couldn't believe her reaction and quite frankly that was not a normal reaction which really now that I think about it makes it seem like that is what might be happening. This happened with a group of about 7 of us in a break room and afterwards another of the co-workers who is a counselor said that her reaction was quite telling.

I know this is a long post but the reason of it is sometimes I wish I did not know as much about this whole thing called adoption as I do. It is such a small part of my life and one of the very first times I mention something a women goes bezerk on me.

[Dickons]

EZ,

Far to many people do not actually listen - whether they are face to face, reading on a forum, or reading a newspaper. I blame the sound-bite frenzy that is happening in the media that you can only grasp small bits of anything today.

You may be right in your reflection that it hit too close to home for her - but your comment was a very gentle reminder that others outside looking in can become very jealous and make assumptions that aren't happening. You did not point the finger at her.

Sorry this happened to you - it's hard to work with someone day after day when something like this happens.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[EZ2Luv]

Thank you Dickons. I truly did not mean to upset her. My comment was sincere in that maybe the biodads wife was afraid of that since the woman seemed to dismiss the wife's comment as being something so outrageous and that never could happen.

I just pray that GSA is not happening to this woman dispite her obnoxious behaviors and outburts because it can ruin families and mess people up badly. With what little I know about it and from what I have read it is very hard to recoup from a relationship of that type and go back to a normal family relationship.

I think I may have hit a little close to what might be going on even if it is just an emotional thing right now, she probably does not even know it is happening. Perhaps hearing that this kind of thing has a name put her in a panic.

[crick]

I think you likely hit too close to home judging by her refusal to even hear an explanation and her violent reaction. I mean seriously..."get away before I slap you"? Wow...something's going on there, because if she truly didn't know what it was, why such a reaction of horror, kwim?

Like you say...it might not even be that but she's obviously emotional about it.

I have to wonder if you'd said something as benign as "I wonder if 3 months after your dad dies is a good time to be seeking out a reunion", her reaction would be similar because it really does seem like she's overwhelmed.

Keep calm and carry on...eh? It's all you can do when someone is like that and nothing you say is really heard.

[murphymalone]

She opened the door for comment.

I wonder about people who have the expectation that every passing thought through their own heads means that everyone should just stand there gob smacked and enthralled while they go on and on. It sounds like this a theme with her...my condolences. I work with someone very similar.

They are exhausting. Set a boundary. Don't feel bad it's out there. She introduced an incredibly personal topic into work place conversation.

You responded. You can't change that. If you want to; I would wait until an opportune time and frankly tell her to look into the "euphoria" a little more closely. That's what it is in a nutshell. People get caught up in the situation. If they don't watch out they can be overwhelmed with emotions with no outlet and boundaries collapse.

Even though she doesn't have boundaries around what is and what isn't appropriate for sharing with a large group in the workplace; you can establish one. Talk to her privately if you want to make the effort.

If not, you've at least made her aware. That's enough. You are not responsible for her reaction nor are you responsible for the outcome.

[EZ2Luv]

Here it is over a week later and I am still shaking my head over this as are a few other co-workers. I have to agree Crick, I think she was just in a volatile state which is nothing new. My BFF at work wonders if she even knew what Genetic Sexual Attraction is. Either way, the consensus at work is she again made a total fool of herself.

[PJAlexandria]

My husband as well overreacted when confronted about GSA. He was reunited with his birth daughter after 30 years. Before they actually met face to face they carried on long conversations on the phone, text, and facebook. That went on for two months. She then flew out to meet him on the fourth of july and left some clothes there and said she would be back. She surprised him and showed up a month later. We do not live in the same home due to economic obligations, so I do not see him often. But we did have an active line of communication through email, text, and phone calls as well as meeting on the weekends. When she came to visit, it all stopped. It felt like he was having an affair. I called him on it and he denied having an affair with someone. He actually got mad at me for wanting to see him (after not seeing him for two straight months). He said, "can't I spend time with my daughter whom I haven't seen for 30 years?" Her birth mother confronted him before I did about the GSA. He flipped and accused me of sending the messages. It hadn't even occurred to me to contact her birth mother. When she moved in with him, I asked where she sleeps. He said in his room...

I can't stop crying. This is all too hard. Point of no return. He has given his love away in the most inappropriate way. Now what do I do? I have to divorce him. He'll never love me like his wife again even if she moves out. AND he'll never admit to what he has done. Please help me move on...someone. Pray for me.

[murphymalone]

I am so sorry to hear this. First of all it's not okay. I hope that someone in your family besides you sees this.

They need help. Serious intervention.

You have every right to feel the way you do. I would seek out some legal advice regarding this. If you know what your rights are; perhaps you can put things in place to insure that you are financially protected.

I would talk to someone who you can trust in your family to garner some support. Do you have contact with her adopted mother or father?

Maybe they can instill some insight into what's going on.

[alys1]

So agree with murphymalone, I am so sorry you are going through this. Divorce of course is the right decision, no matter how difficult to face. I can barely imagine how much pain is involved in this for you.

You may be able to find some support, or at least others who've gone through this, via googling "Genetic Sexual Attraction".

[EZ2Luv]

Sadly, GSA DOES happen and I am willing to wager that the reaction you husband gave was much like the reaction I got. It is called the "sting of truth". I understand the giddiness and excitement of finding a bio and wanting to hear all about them and make up for lost time so to speak but GSA is crossing a line and the reactions come across as very different.

If I had closed my eyes and listened to the girl at work I would have sworn someone was talking about a guy they just started going out with on a romantic level.

Your husband and his bdaughter need help. If it were me I am not sure I could remain with my husband if he did that. If anything maybe you should get some counseling to help see you though this hurt.

[murphymalone]

Justifying a breach of boundaries like this is stretching logic. There is no justification or excuse for taking advantage of people.

There seems to be two sides to the coin. I don't believe this is something anyone should feel they have to accept. I don't know if guilt or abandonment are the driving forces. It really doesn't matter.

Impulsive self gratification with no awareness about how it will impact others is wrong. The bond between a child and a parent should never be sexual.

It's a dangerous leap to say either party is "helpless" against the forces of connection. I hope that you put in place something to protect you. You did nothing wrong. Don't feel obligated to protect these adults from their actions.

I hope that you can get some validation from someone in your family. That's important. They will have to live with the consequences of their self indulgent behaviour.

[PJAlexandria]

He is so confused. He tells me he loves me and I'm his beautiful bride and when his daughter hears him say these things to me she starts a fight with him and then he blows up at me. I can't deal with the split personality from either one. He's given his heart to her the wrong way; she expected him to be her "other half". I'm going to throw up now.

[firstmom47]

That's a really tough topic, and when there's been this big burst of emotion in a new relationship it can be that, or it can be misconstrued as that. Having someone bring it up at that stage might really be scary.
Even though she over-reacted, it's probably just the way she is. Also, when things like this have been hidden and suddenly can be talked about, any negative thing anyone says might be taken badly.

[EZ2Luv]

Originally Posted by PJAlexandria

He is so confused. He tells me he loves me and I'm his beautiful bride and when his daughter hears him say these things to me she starts a fight with him and then he blows up at me. I can't deal with the split personality from either one. He's given his heart to her the wrong way; she expected him to be her "other half". I'm going to throw up now.

I am sending you ((HUGS)) and prayers. It must be an aweful place to be in. Seriously, they need help but all you can do is look out or yourself.

Meanwhile I am dreading tomorrow because there is a social at my job and the crazy woman is going t o be there. I wonder what or who is going to tick her off to go into another tirade?

[EZ2Luv]

Oh God I knew it was bound to happen! That drama queen managed to twist things around telling lies to some people that weren't even there when the first incident happen. One woman had the audacity to tell me that I was so horrible because I accused A of incest!!! I looked at the woman like she had 10 heads

It figures A would try and get other employees to "gang up" on me. I let this woman know that that was not the case and she best get her facts straight before putting words in my mouth.
Of course A had to call me names telling people I was a pervert to think the way I do and a ton of other names including the b word. Anyone who witnessed what happened last time know she was out of line in fact one woman came up to me and said she thought A was crazy. I ended up just laughing it off but I did not appreciate being verbally abused by this ignorant manipulative drama queen.
I had a feeling this would have a part 2 and I was right.
I would have never attended but we have monthly meeting and there is a little social thing right after. I think if this girl continues she will not last long at this job. They do not like this kind of stuff and it is not something I engage in at all in all the years I have worked there.
I think if I said "The cow jumped over the moon" this woman would find fault. Clearly she does not like me going back 2 years ago when she was training and I pointed something out to her before administration picked up the mistake she made. Here I saved her job and she held it against me. Again making herself look like an idiot. That time more than a few other people told her she was wrong and that she shoul have been grateful I caught the mistake before anyone else did.
We deal with people's lives here at my job and I take that very serious. A mistake could cause some life altering problems for some of the clients. This witch just couldn't understand and should not be working there. Hopefully she won't be there much longer.