[susiema]

Has anyone out there left the family that you were adopted into, because it just was not the right family???

I am so upset that people from an agency picked a family for me, if only I had a say.

Being adopted into a family that already has biological children of their own has to be life's cruelists joke.

I hate being adopted and I wish my voice could have been heard.

[Withay]

I'm so sorry that your experience hasn't been the right one for you.

I'm not adopted, but I wanted to let you know that someone out here hears the pain in your voice. {{{{{hugs}}}}}.

[copperhead]

I have always wondered if that was harder, being adopted into a family with bio kids. I grew up with an older sister that was also adopted so I never felt left out or like I didn't belong. Nobody looked alike in my family and it was just the way it was. I have an older half sibling that was also adopted out and was raised as an only child. We met in our late 20s. It seems strange the agency didn't place us together cause her parents wanted another child. I can't say that I would have wanted to be placed with her parents though. She is not close to them. I think adopted kids should go to families with only other adopted kids or no kids. Even though I have my issues, I think I would have had more issues.

[Ramned]

Interesting point, I never really thought of that. Being raised as an adoptee in a family with biological children did have its setbacks. Mostly that I always felt like the oddball child, but also my amom struggled with it...seems she expected me to be the same as my siblings and when I wasn't, she saw it as a bad thing. She always told me I needed to change, but I didn't know how. Really compounded the adoption related issues I already had. It was certainly beneficial to grow up with a brother who was about my age, gave me the only friend I have had my whole life. Had my siblings been adopted, hell yeah that would have been easier.

I definitely had many times where I wanted to leave my adoptive family but fortunately I have always been close with my adad and he was there in the right moments.

[susiema]

Thanks for comments. I was very close to my a father, but he passed away 8yrs ago, which triggered issues all over. I know as soon as my a mother passes I will be alone, once again so I guess I am preparing my self ahead of time, because it is going to be very hard.
They are very cold people.

[susiema]

Thank you very much withya for your very kinds words.

[Drywall]

Susiema, our stories are a little different but the outcome is much the same.

I was sold into an a-family first and an only child at that time. I was tainted, suspect and an outsider. ( It's a long story and I wont bore you with the details.)

Later, my a-mom and a-dad had 2 bio brothers. My status was dropped even lower. And yes it was hard. Everytime I saw my 2 brothers I was reminded they had family, heritage, relationships... something I wanted and could never have.

I wanted more than anything to be a part of a family. To have value and be recognized within my family. it was not to be.

Because of a deathbed promise, I was the family caretaker for 30 years. There was nothing but abuse and criticism.

I gave up. Called my 2 brothers together and gave their mother to them. I would no longer caretake for anyone. Even in the face of catastrophic illness they were not to call, I would not be here.

Later my 2 brothers continued to be abusive and to use me. That was the second part.

I ended my relationship with both of them as well. They could live their lives as they chose and not have me to use.

It has been almost 3 years now, and I like not having to accept responsibility for others.

So if leaving an a-family for any reason that is acceptable to you is where you want to go, i support you.

I wish you the best.

[susiema]

Thank you so much drywall, I am so sorry you had to
go through all of that.

I am grown up now and I have to make the best choices for myself now.

I wish you all the best.

[lost_2010]

Susiema,
I hear you voice. I was also adopted into a family of 3 biological children. I was the outsider until they made me leave at 15. It was cruel and not a good fit. I had so much anger for so many years, until I realized the only one being hurt by my anger was me. It can be toxic, BUT, it is also justified. You deserve peace, and I pray you find it. You can always pm me anytime you need to talk. All my best

[lost_2010]

Drywall,
I am sorry for what you went through. As hard as it is, sharing stories of adoptions that did not work, breaks the taboo and helps others to not feel so alone. Thank you for that. As children our choices were taken away from us, as adults we need to empower ourselves to make decisions that are best for us and protect us from continuing harm. I found that forgiveness has helped me move on and release that which is toxic to me. Not to condone their actions, but to set myself free. Thanks for sharing!

[murphymalone]

I didn't experience having biological siblings. I was an only child. I did experience step siblings in two other family settings if you could call it that. I don't.

I know that it made me feel like a second rate citizen because I was the one who was alone in the abuse. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I hear what you are saying. Find your way out of the quagmire how ever you can. I am sorry for what happened to us. All of us. I am dedicated to insuring that no child has to feel that they are alone in these situations.

We didn't deserve to feel "second best" and it's not fair. But we survived it. That speaks volumes. If we can come out of it in one piece we are strong. We should feel proud of that accomplishment.

I doubt anyone thinks it's fair to put children in that situation but it happens. I happens because we were told to be thankful and that we are "special" etc. Thankfully we can tell the truth now about how it felt.

[susiema]

I am so sorry lost 2010. What do you mean they made you leave and where did you go???

I am so trying to let go of the anger but the wounds keep being opened.

I will pm you sometime and thank God for this forum I have finally found other people that truly understand.

Thank you

[urban]

Im sorry to read your stories. My adoptive brother and I were both adopted into our adoptive family. No bio kids.

Though I remember, since i was first, wondered why they wanted to adopt another kid because wasn't I good enough.

That wasn't the case, but i remember feeling that way.

[susiema]

Thank you Urban.

It was probably good that you had an adopted sibiling. They probably did it for you so you would not be lonely.

Take care.