[littlewanderer]

I have been in reunion since I was 18 and now when I look in the mirror I can see my Bfather's face and I like pictures where I look like Birth half-sibs. I could go back and look at pictures where I now plainly see my Bmom's face in my own. Pictures that just had my face before.

They say a closed adoptee loses their own reflection. I got it back but there was a time when I used to look in the mirror for hours and wonder who I was. This is common. Some adoptees would feel alien or wonder if they were alien hybrid. I had those thoughts too even though I knew I wasn't an ET, but it just shows the level of detachment through the looking glass.

My question is when you saw yourself in pictures or home videos did you look like you thought you looked or was your self image somewhat distored? I would see myself on film from the side and back and I would say "Gee, I really look like that?"

Everyone sounds different to themselves in voice recordings, but for an adoptee it is hard to tell what is normal growing up adolecent stuff and what is adoption related. My Bsis swears I sound just like my Bmom and Bgrandmother on the phone. I think I sould like my Amom.
I am interested in hearing from people who were not adopted as well so we can understand if this is isolated to adoptees.

[wanttodoright]

I wasn't adopted but I thought it was ironic that I had just written about this in my journal in the past couple of days. I was wondering if the reflection I see in the mirror is what others see when they look at me or if it's distorted like my voice. The voice is easy to explain because of reverberation.

I didn't have a relationship with my father but I knew what he looked like. I always thought I looked like him. He has just come back into my life the past couple of years and all of a sudden, I see my mother staring back at me in the mirror. I'm not young, either. I'm 51. I said something to my mom about how much I look like her and she responded kind of like 'duh'. Like she always knew that I looked like her. I had NO IDEA. I was sure I looked like him and saw no resemblance between me and my mother. My mother has always been a part of my life.

I didn't relate it at all to me not having a relationship with my father and having one now but it makes me curious.

[alys1]

I thought most people looked at themselves in pictures and videos and thought, "Yikes, do I look like that?" Sometimes accompanied in the digital days by, "Would you please delete that?" Second sentence is to add some humor, but I do think, from interactions with non-adopted people over the years, that it's pretty common. (I'm not adopted, but have adopted relatives.)

[BabyRachelVA]

I do this all of the time. My AMom always tells me I look like my Adad's sister, and neither of my kids look anything like me, they favor their father's, but that just leaves me, looking like me I guess, I normally avoid mirrors when I feel that way

[brett02]

Originally Posted by wanttodoright

I wasn't adopted but I thought it was ironic that I had just written about this in my journal in the past couple of days. I was wondering if the reflection I see in the mirror is what others see when they look at me or if it's distorted like my voice. The voice is easy to explain because of reverberation.

I didn't have a relationship with my father but I knew what he looked like. I always thought I looked like him. He has just come back into my life the past couple of years and all of a sudden, I see my mother staring back at me in the mirror. I'm not young, either. I'm 51. I said something to my mom about how much I look like her and she responded kind of like 'duh'. Like she always knew that I looked like her. I had NO IDEA. I was sure I looked like him and saw no resemblance between me and my mother. My mother has always been a part of my life.

I didn't relate it at all to me not having a relationship with my father and having one now but it makes me curious.

It is funny you should say that, I go to a cigar bar all the time. Some cigar manufacturer was in the store one day and they took a picture and put it in cigar magazine. One day the owner of the store showed it to me and said who is this guy, I didn't recognize myself.

Also I started a facebook page called Occupy Adoptee rights in Florida. I am trying to get enough members so we can take political action and have the Closed record laws changed so we can all enjoy seeing that face or a picture of that face. Welcome to Occupy-Adoptee-Rights-in-Florida

[copperhead]

Originally Posted by littlewanderer

They say a closed adoptee loses their own reflection. I got it back but there was a time when I used to look in the mirror for hours and wonder who I was. This is common. Some adoptees would feel alien or wonder if they were alien hybrid. I had those thoughts too even though I knew I wasn't an ET, but it just shows the level of detachment through the looking glass.

I have definitely felt like an alien. Even thought that before I'd ever heard that adoptees feel that way. When I read that in a book once, I was like wow, that's how I feel. Like I came from another planet. I really crave being able to see my face in another's. I want that familiarity, that connection. I have met my half sis (also adopted) but we don't look much alike. I have noticed we have some similar body features though.

I'll never forget being in a restaurant once and the waiter said I looked just like his sister. I figured I must really look like her for a close member of her family to say that. Who knows maybe he was a long lost relative, lol

[EZ2Luv]

Now that I know who bmom was I hate that I look like her. It is not a question of her appearance or beauty or anything like that but more of the type of person she was. I pray I never turn into anything like her. I know this might sound aweful but it is what it is.

I am my aparents daughter and if I had to identify with anyone it I am proud it is them. They are such polar opposites to bmom. It is uncanny how amom and bmom were sisters and yet so extremely different in everything, mainly values and I believe that shows through looks.
I can honestly say I never wondered who I looked like but after I discovered who bmom was is when I began to put some thought to it. I guess for me it all boils down to nature/nurture and things like this make me grateful that I was not raised by bmom. She was not an evil person just very selfish, manipulative and a straight out liar. I feel sad for her that her life was that way and only hope she found some kind of peace at some point.

[Ramned]

Since reuniting I definitely have those times when I look in the mirror I can occasionally see my bmom staring right back at me. It just amazes me. It's nice not being alone in the mirror anymore. Sometimes I even hear their voice or laugh in my own.

[kakuehl]

My bson's wife told me that the first thing he did when he got my info was to go to my church webpage and look at my picture. When my younger brother saw him, he looked at me and said, "You could never deny him!" My Dad thought he looked like his mother's side of the family. By the way, since getting to know him, I've discovered things like gestures that I would have thought were nurture that are apparently inherited. He has gestures that are purely his bdad. My DH (not his bdad) recognized them too.

I spent a lot of time sending him pictures of family so he could look at them. Ironically, I think the older of his two sons looks like D's adad.