I do not know where to go from here

Greenstik34 · #1 10-26-2009, 09:14 PM

Hello,

I am a 26 year old Active Duty Army Soldier, currently in Cleveland, Ohio. I have known that I was adopted since I was about 7 years old or so. Here is everything that I know.....

Let's just be clear. I know no one from my birth family, so everyone that I refer to is my adopted family. I should tell you that my adoption was closed, and no information was passed on from my birth parents to my adoptive parents due to the strictness of the adoption laws in the State of Illinois.

I was born on June 20, 1983 at Kishwaukee Community Hospital in DeKalb, Illinois at 730am. The Doctor's name was Dr. Hersch/Hirsch(sp). I was premature (9 weeks to be exact), and underweight (3lb 2oz). Beside that, no real health problems. My birth mother was 16 years old (15 when she was pregnant with me). My birth mother had decided to put me up for adoption before I was born. My parents knew nothing about my birth mother, except the possibility of my last name. My grandmother told me once that when I was at a check up at about 6 months of age, the nurse refered to me as "Nolan Myers/Meyers(sp)". But my mother later said that she thought her last name was "Riley". That is all that I know about my birth mother.

Just after I returned from Iraq, I appeared in DeKalb County Court to attempt to get my records opened. The Judge (same one who overheard my case when I was born) informed me that "the adoption laws are in place to protect the adoptive parents as well as the birth parents", and very politely asked me to not waste the court's time.

I tried to petition the court about 2 years later, with the same results.

I have tried in the past to find someone who may know on Myspace or facebook, but I have given up on those sites for personal reasons.

I have asked all the surrounding high schools for all class lists from 1980-1985 to attempt to find someone who may know, all with no promising results.

I constantly struggle with not knowing who my birth mother was. I do not necessarily want anything from her, but I just would like to know what she looked like. I just want her to know that I am doing fine, and does she think about me just as much as I think about her?

I do not know what else to do....Will I ever know?

ripples · #2 10-27-2009, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greenstik34

"the adoption laws are in place to protect the adoptive parents as well as the birth parents", and very politely asked me to not waste the court's time.

Oh how infuriating to hear such an insensitive response!! Makes me wanna write to the judge and remind him/her about adoptee rights. I don't know about search options in the USA but I have seen some threads about how to search. I do know that sometimes the state archives may have additional options for searching for people. Perhaps you could also try the Peoplesearch web site?

All I can say is 'hang in there' - there are many people here who can relate to your situation and I hope that you're able to find support here - I certainly did and hope you will too.

Greenstik34 · #3 10-27-2009, 06:40 AM

thanks, but I feel like I have exhausted every option to try to find my mother...

does anyone have any ideas on what to do?

BrandyHagz · #4 10-27-2009, 06:55 AM

A few years ago, IL opened up their records to CI's - these are people who act on your behalf, gain access to records and conduct a search.

Have you completed all of the required steps in IL that will give you a bit more information?

Here is the information post on IL: Illinois Searching Resources

Check it out - go through all of the steps.

Good luck

SoniaRose · #5 10-27-2009, 08:48 AM

First, I'd like to thank you for serving our country!

Your story makes me sad -- unfortunately, I don't have any great searching advice. All I can suggest is that you put your birth information on every single registry out there, and maybe someday you will make a connection. Sometimes it takes birth moms awhile to get the courage to try to find the child they relinquished, so it's possible that she hasn't started to look yet.

Good luck and best wishes.

Greenstik34 · #6 10-27-2009, 11:58 AM

does anyone know anything about the illinois adoption registry?

mckmom10 · #7 10-27-2009, 01:27 PM

I met my bio mom about 10 years ago. The agency who placed me with my parents was very helpful and set up the meeting. You might want to start there. Don't give up keep trying! My sister started her search w/o much help from the agency/courts either but she did get the name of her bio mother thru alot of research. Good luck!

Greenstik34 · #8 10-27-2009, 05:56 PM

Thanks, but its a little more complicated than that. My adoptive parents didn't use an adoption agency. They used a private doctor......this keeps getting harder...

BrandyHagz · #9 10-27-2009, 09:15 PM

There has to have been some type of adoption professional involved - an attorney or an agency - that completed the legal process.

That agency could have been a private agency or a public one - depending on how it was generally handled at the time.

Someone, some where, has access to your 'information' - and it would be the attorney or agency who handled the legal process of completing your adoption - which, even back then, would have taken some time to do (there would have been a period in which you were in the legal custody of the professional even if you were in the physical custody of your adoptive parents).

Try to find out who that professional was. The state may be able to help you - and their CI program can for sure.

**kakuehl** · #10 10-27-2009, 09:44 PM

Have you registered at various places online? Your bmother could be looking for you too.

Greenstik34 · #11 10-29-2009, 06:30 AM

Well, I may be getting closer. I located the doctor who performed my birth as well as way a key figure in my closed adoption (since it was done without an agency). I called him and left him a voicemail. What should I say to him when he calls back? What information should I expect to get? What will he be able to tell me?

Dickons · #12 10-29-2009, 06:55 AM

The doctor may or may not have been the family doctor or one or more of your birth family members. Quite likely your file will be in storage and he will need time to access it.

1. Ask if he is still in contact with your birth family or may be able to contact them. He cannot give you the info but could contact them on your behalf if he is willing.

2. Ask him to request a complete "current" family medical history on both sides if possible. You do not want just what was in the file at the time of your birth, you want current.

3. Ask him for a non identifying description of your birth family, what they looked like, did for a living, nationality...just about anything he can provide you under the confidentiality laws.

Kind regards,
Dickons

Greenstik34 · #13 10-29-2009, 06:57 AM

He was my mothers (adoptive) doctor, she was seeing him for infertility. He knows it all

Greenstik34 · #14 10-29-2009, 08:15 AM

i am not sure what I am looking for or what i will get out of talking to him, but i think its a step in the right direction

Dickons · #15 10-29-2009, 08:29 AM

Absolutely worth talking to the doctor who delivered you. I grew up knowing the doctor who delivered me.

Do your parents know you want to/are searching? Having them on board would be helpful if he is/was your parents family doctor as well.

Plus not hiding things from your parents will make it much easier on your soul and in my mind keeping them in the loop makes them less uneasy.

Kind regards,
Dickons

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Welcome to the Forums.	Register
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)