[BrandyHagz]

Background:

Just located members of my paternal birth family - more specifically, a sister who lives in East Texas. She's got a MySpace.com account, but hasn't logged in since January.

Is it wrong to contact her son or daughter in law (her two only friends, besides MySpaceTom) and ask them if she still checks in or ask for an email address where I might reach her?

I wouldn't share the whole mess of news with them - I'd just say I was a friend of the family interested in making contact with her.

I. LOATHE. THE. POSTAL. SERVICE.

This is why I am really resistant to mail a letter - I've lost more stuff to the bottomless blue canvas bag than I care to even recount - which is why I am even considering this alternative option.

Thoughts? To much? Yes? No?

Having never gone through this as the adoptee (I reunited my adoptive mother with her two placed children several years ago and it went ok - but that's different) - I just don't even know what way to turn.

Ack! Someone just make this EASY!

[healingfeeling]

i would say probably not to contact the other relatives. however, desperate times lead to desperate measures! i used fed-ex with my 3rd and successful contact letter, pics are nice too!

[Amandak249]

I would totally do it. Absolutely. What do you have to lose??? I know how it feels to want to know a sibling..

[SoniaRose]

Have you tried to message her through her myspace acct.? I believe she might get an actual email (assuming her email acct. is active), so even if she does not go to her myspace page, she might get your message. (?)

If that doesn't work, I think it would be fine to ask her son or daughter-in-law for her current address, identifying yourself as a friend of the family. They might hesitate to give you such personal information since they don't know who you are, but it's worth a try.

If both those options fail, there's always snail mail. I personally think the post office does an excellent job (for the most part).

Best of wishes, and good luck!

[Sunnylove]

I would just tell them like you said. You a friend and are just trying to get in contact with her. Give them your email address, phone number, home address..whatever you are comfortable with and ask them to have her contact you. When I found my biological mother, it was through her sister. I called her sister and told her who I was and she immediately called my biological mother for me who immediately called me. You don't have anything to lose other than that she may not contact if she does not know for sure who you are. But its worth a shot! The worse thing that could happen...and you have to prepare yourself for it...is that she may not want to have a relationship with you. It happens, so just be prepared.

[SuzySSunshine]

It is not appropriate to contact her children. Use an attorney or private investigator to reach your biological sibling.

[BrandyHagz]

It is not appropriate to contact her children. Use an attorney or private investigator to reach your biological sibling.

Interesting statement. Not gonna happen - but interesting none the less

Have you tried to message her through her myspace acct.?

Yes, I did send a short message via MySpace - I'll give it a week or two - she is a bit older than I am and might be someone who doesn't check in to often.

This is so much more complicated than just having an open adoption and having it all out there - so glad I don't have to do this times two!

[paigeturner]

Brandy,

I think you should contant them under the scenario that you are a family friend. I like the idea of you giving them your contact information.

You have to tell us what you decide!

Good luck!

[crick]

If you don't hear anything from the email you sent by the end of the week, I would do as you plan.

Contacting someone with the whole magnilla of details obviously isn't the way to go, but that isn't what you are going to do, so I don't see why not.

People contact others all the time trying to reach others. Old high school or college friends looking to reconnect, childhood friends who lost touch, co workers etc.

Personally I'd be more wigged out if an attorney contacted me about someone wanting to get in touch!

[txrnr]

You may also mention to them that you left a message for her on myspace, and they may feel comfortable passing that along, more than anything else. I know curiosity would get the best of me.

[thanksgivingmom]

I think that identifying yourself as a family friend is fine. It wouldn't send up alerts that might be unwanted, and it is a way of getting in touch without being too invasive.

I also think that providing your info might provide another outlet - the only problem being if they take your info, say they'll pass it along, and nothing gets done.

Perhaps tell them you'd be happy to share your info, but withhold it in the first email?

[Dickons]

Brandy,

Agree with most of the others...if you do not get a reply then send a quick message to her friends...and I really like the part of saying you sent her a message but no reply so you don't know if she got it.

All the best,
Dickons