[Sis84]

Hi.
I want to thank everyone for helping me with some of my posts. I know it sounded like I was 'whining', but behind my posts, were a lot of topics that I have either tried to tell a trust-worthy person and it didn't get very far, or I've kept hidden inside of me for a very long time.
Once again, I thank you all very much for your help.

I'm needing to vent a little on my relationship with my birthfamily. I have a question about how can I relate or empathize to my birthfamily after there's been a death in the family? I never was able to meet this person. I do not see my birthfamily much, except during the holidays or in the summertime. Is it wrong for me to feel and be different from them? Should I feel guilty?

[gemini678]

Hello Sis84,

This may seem simple but you feel what you feel. Allow noone to guilt you into feeling something that isn't there. I would give sympathy and compassion towards them just as I would a friend or acquaintance that lost a loved one that I had never met. I don't know the entire situation so I won't go any further than that because I may be off track.

My birthfamily lost their matriach in 2006. I had no intention of attending the services because I had no relationship with that individual, plus the relationship I had with the family was beginning to fade. Some members understood my distance, others tried to make me feel guilty for not having any feelings toward the deceased. I was even told if it had not been for her (the deceased), I wouldn't be here! But instead of guilting me into it, it angered me and made me stay away from it.

Each situation is different but allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel.

[healingfeeling]

hi sis84,

i'm having a similar issue right now. my buncle who i haven't had the chance to meet (since we live on opposite coasts) is in hospice care for brain cancer. they gave him a few months to live. i have not seen him since i was 2 and i don't remember it of course so i have zero relationship with him...and not much of a relationship with the bfamily anymore at all. one of my baunts keeps me up to date on his health with emails. i feel terrible that a young person with children and a wife will leave this earth early due to cancer and i'm sorry for my bfamily that they will lose him. but i don't think i will greive for him. i will probably send cards to my bgrandmother and maybe my bfather (haven't decided on that one yet).

but as gemini said, you need to feel whatever you feel and don't sway from that to please someone else. just acknowledge their loss in whatever way seems suitable to you.

good luck and best wishes