[gwnorth]

Good Afternoon,

This is something I have been thinking on and off about for most of my life (38+ yrs now) and have started to take some steps to find more out recently.

In Maine there were a few changes to Adoption laws at the beginning of the year which got me thinking more about it. So the other day I decided to look into paperwork required etc and wondered what a Google search might turn up. Well, long story short I found a post on here from 3 years ago asking about a boy born on my birthdate with some specifics that made me 99.9% certain it was me they were referring to so I sent her a PM.

Low and behold later that evening the original poster had replied to the request, even though the original post was three years ago. Needless to say it feels really fast and now I am unsure how/what to do with all this information.

I think I want to meet my birth mother but don't want to offend my mom and dad who I love very much and have raised me to be who I am now.

I guess I am just confused as at all happened so quickly and how can I be REALLY sure it is my birthmother without going through the "proper" channels. Any insight would certainly be appreciated and thanks for all the great info on the site! Mark

[fitnssgrl29]

My reunion happened fairly quickly as well. Although I had been searching for years, I got on the computer one day and up popped her maiden name tied to a new married name. I had to take the initiative and sent a very nondescript letter to her including my name and phone number....she called 3 days later and less than a week after that, she flew out here to meet me. I had no time at all to explain things to my adoptive mother, who has always been very sensitive to me wanting to find my birth parents. But I just took a deep breath, told her she was coming to visit and that I just HAD to do this. Its not that I do not love my adoptive parents. I wouldnt trade them in for ANYTHING! They gave me the life I have today which I am very greatful. But when you are an adopted child, there is always a hole that was left the day you were seperated from your bithparents. That hole can never be completely filled, but you're questions can finally be answered and the constant wondering can finally come to an end. This is pretty much exactly what I told my mom. She was very hurt and unsure about everything at first. I think they just need time for it to sink in and get used to the idea. I am so glad I did what I did and found both of my birth parents. Coming in October, I will be having lunch with my adoptive mother and both of my birth parents. Good luck and just do what you want to do. Remember, you dont regret the things you've done but those you didnt get the chance to do.

[txrnr]

Totally normal feelings! I adore my parents, but that doesn't negate that I have another set out there who gave me not only a chance, but many of the traits that make me who I am today.
Someone here once said that it's like watching a great movie, but you missed the first 15 minutes. Going back to see the missed part doesn't change how great the movie was, and it may make it even better once you have the whole picture. I wish I knew who to give credit to, as that idea has really helped me the past few years!

Good luck!

[Jon_C]

I think that those of us who were lucky enough to be adopted by loving parents worry a lot about how they will take this. Personally, although we didn't talk about my adoption often, they both understood that someday I might be curious about a few things. Even though my Mom passed away 6 years ago, I believe that she would want me to try and find the lady that gave birth to me. She was always big on family genealogy, so I think that helped her understand why I would look someday.

[kakuehl]

Gwnorth, Congratulations on finding your birth mother. I found my birth son within five minutes of joining this site. Unfortunately while he had registered, his information was NOT up to date. I was certain I had the right person, because the hospital and birth date matched. (After D saw my picture...he had no doubts, lol.)

We tend to call reunion a roller coaster, in part because of all the emotions involved. Take your time as you have contact with your birth mom/family. (I say that and D and I met f2f about 8 weeks after we had our first contact.

Your mom and dad are the ones who raised you. That doesn't change. D and I have both always been clear that I can never (and will never) take his parents' place. After four years I am treasuring my unique relationship with my firstborn (who calls me Kathy). D has included my family in birthday celebrations, etc. so we have times that we spend time with D's parents as well. It took D's mom a while to be comfortable with having me in D's life, but I think she realizes that I'm not interested in taking her place. I love hearing stories of D's childhood, btw. (D brought me a picture of himself as a child when we had our first f2f that I cherish.)

Reunion is a journey. It has its ups and downs. Good luck.

[lacymarie]

Just do it. This is not about anyone but you. If ANYONE has a problem with it, well, sorry but its just that, their problem. This is your right. You didnt have a choice in the matter. Its sort of like when you meet someone new after being divorced and still want a relationship with your children and the new person you are with has problems with that. Its not fair. If your parents are insecure about it, they will get over it. Its just meeting someone new and having a reason to connect with another human being.

[epenn922]

My outcome is what most adoptees fear and I am still not regretful that I found out.

And, if ends up to be a horrible thing, you still won't lay down in traffic. You'll get up the next morning and go on.

[gwnorth]

Thank you everyone for the great advice and I went ahead and made contact with my birth mother. We have only communicated via IM but She seems like a very nice person and I am looking forward to getting to know more about her and my birth father.

Again many thanks during this confusing/nerve racking/exciting time and hope everyone has a great day.

[March23]

Your feelings are TOTALLY normal. I went through the exact same thing. I am acctually still feeling that way now. You think about that person your whole life and then all of a sudden it's real.

Just take your time, and set the pace for yourself. I have been reuinted with my bmom via online, since she lives far away we have not met. She invited me and I had issues with hurting my family, as well as the fact that I wasn't ready.

I talked it out with my aparents, which was a huge help. Make sure to communicate honestly with them throughout this whole process, that will help show them that they are always going to be a part of your life.

Eventually I had to make the decision to visit, and I declined (for now). It just felt rushed, and I am so glad I chose to take my time. Remember, you lived your whole life with this person...it's going to take some getting used to.

You can message me if you want to talk more!

[kakuehl]

Again, I would keep talking with your aparents. They are the ones who raised you; many times I hear adoptive moms, especially, express the fear that their child will leave them for the "new" bmother. I think the best reunions are the ones where the adoptee has healthy relationships with both sets of parents.