[kelley12484]

I live in Oklahoma and just got my registry papers to fill out. And i dont have anything to put on them so I was wondering:

#1 If my birth mother wanted contact since i was 18 she would of filled out these same papers and I would of been contacted?

#2 I had a closed adoption and i was in foster care so does that mean that OKDHS is the only people i can go through to get any info?

#3 I dont know anything about my b parents so i wont be able to put anything on these papers. Chances are im doing this for no reason?

#4 Somebody out there has to know something other than the attny who represented my parents and OKDHS right?

#5 Should I be looking if she isnt looking? Obviously she hasnt asked the state to find me right?


I dont know I am about to give up and I havent even started yet. Its all so frusterating and when you have no idea about your case and no one will help you then what are you supposed to do? It just makes me so mad that someone out there can keep such secrets away from honest grown children, I just feel like this is not my fault and all i want is peace and peace is so hard to achieve in my circumstance. Nobody wants to admit to knowing anything and I am about to turn in a blank registry form because i dont even know my real name, birthdate, b parents names, foster parents, hospital, agency, i have NO information.

Thanks,
Kelley in Oklahoma

[ripples]

Originally Posted by kelley12484

It just makes me so mad that someone out there can keep such secrets away from honest grown children, I just feel like this is not my fault and all i want is peace and peace is so hard to achieve in my circumstance.

I sooo understand how mad you feel. Unfortunately I don't have any practical information about filling in the registry and doing your search.

Maybe include a cover letter in big capital letters that says, "I'D PROVIDE YOU THIS INFO IF SOMEONE HAD THE GUTS TO COME FORTH AND GIVE ME BACK THE $^^@#%%%(@ INFO THAT SHOULD BE MINE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!"

Grrrr!!!!

[bakerjw]

To address some of your concerns. When I searched with the help of the Illinois DCFS, they were extremely helpful. Had I been in foster care through them, they'd have performed my search for my birth mother for free. If they are at all like Illinois, they'll be helpful.

If you were taken from your birth mother by the state then she certainly will probably still carry hurt and shame at having lost a child for whatever reason. Put yourself in her shoes. If you felt that shame would you go searching? Probably not. She probably isn't looking because she figures that you'd never want to have anything to do with her.

IF OKDCFS handled your adoption then they should have all of the information that you need. If an agency was involved, then they can provide some non identifying information as well.

The state should be able to provide you with non identifying information as part of this process.

As for #3, they have the information and will enter it as part of your record. You usually have to get entered into the state registry before they will do anything else to assist you in your search. I assume that since you are registering that you are also looking to start a search.

There is a fee for their search but it isn't too bad.
OKDHS.org - Adoption: Confidential Intermediary Search

Hope this helps. I sent you a PM as well.
John

[Drywall]

Kelley...sometimes figuring out how to get information can be frustrating. All states are different in the ways they handle adoption information.

If you have been adopted, there will be court records that show when the finalization of the adoption occurred.

If there are no other sources of info available to you, you will need to contact the clerk of that court and get information on what is available to you and how to get it. You don't need an attorney to gain information on what the state law is.

If an agency was involved, they may be able to provide the info you need. Hang in there.

I wish you the best.

[St3v3n]

Kelley, with regard to your first concern, just filling out the registry papers is not the same as requesting a search. The state would not contact you unless you BOTH filled them out. If you send them in and she has already done so, you will be put in touch with each other. At least, that is how most registries work. I haven't dealt with the OK system, so it might be a bit different.

As for whether you should be looking if she isn't, why not? One of you has to start first. Many birthmoms were told they were never allowed to search or that it might do the child harm if they did, but that doesn't mean they don't want to be found. The only way you can know that for sure is to do the search and see how she reacts to being found. There is always the risk of rejection, and we all need to prepare for that, but for many of us it's worth it to move ahead based on the hope that we will find someone who does want to know us.

[Drywall]

Kelley...if you can come in to the chat room at nite maybe around 10:30, there are some people in there who are from OK. One lady in particular was able to get identifying info and open her records. I am sure she would be glad to answer any questions.

I wish you the best.

[83jules]

Re: #1- not necessarily

I don't know what year you were born (I was born in 1983) or if the states differ in their regulations (sure they do)...in CA (not sure what year this became the law) but all documents needed to be noterized (sp?)...

When I was born my b-mom signed the consent for contact so that when I was 18 and wanted to find her all of the info would be there...she was never going to look for me, she wanted to leave it up to me...well, I was looking since before I was 18 and when I turned 18 I sent in my consent for contact form and got nothing, I searched for about 4 more years (all over the internet, libraries, hospitals, local colleges...) and got nothing! I had just about given up and decided that when I was older and rich I would hire someone to find my b-family. A few months later I got a certified letter in the mail with my b-moms name, address and number! She had recently changed her name/address and contacted the agency to change what she had on file and found that I had been looking for her...her original consent was invalid because it was not noterized! Since it was not noterized they could not contact her and tell her it needed to be noterized! We would never have found eachother had she not updated her info!!

Turn in the papers and never fully give up! It is a hard/emotional roller coaster going through "the search" but it can be soooo worth it. I wish you all the best!

Good luck!

[firstmom47]

Registering means your info goes in the file. No active searching on your behalf. Not every birthmom feels she is ALLOWED

[mnmomma]

I wonder how much info your bio-mom could access if her parental rights were terminated by the state (as opposed to a voluntary relinquishment). That may be a big obstacle for her.

Best wishes on your search!