[KittyMay]

For the past 3 weeks, I've spoken every night with my bmom on the phone. I will see her for the first time next week. I found out she had no intention of relinquishing me, but she was 16 and was pushed into it by the doctor. When she had me (it was in a big city hospital) they just left her with me in the hallway and didn't even clean me up. She held me and fed me until the doctor came with a gray haired old lady (probably a social worker) and pushed her into giving me up (this was 1962). When she left the hospital, she returned to a very small town. Her whole life was affected. She never had any more children. She's a great lady who wasn't even treated like a human being when she had me. No one considered her or her feelings. What can I say to her to help her not knowing me for 47 years? I feel so badly what was done to her.

[dpen6]

Kitty,

It was aweful to bea singlewoman in those daysand pregnant. The hypocrisy was astonding. If you were married you could have as many babies as you wanted, even if you were poor, absusive and nelgelctful...but you were nmarried so it made it ok! They were "sanctioned". BUT, if you were songle you were judged harshly, even if you were ready for sainthood before pregnancy. The man walked away unscathed.

Have you suggested she read the girls that went away? She might gain a little comfort in knowing she was not alone.

[bakerjw]

It sounds to me like you understand her pain. I don't think that you need to worry about what to say. Just being there and smiling will go a long way to healing her pain.

So often we get wrapped up in our own lives, our own needs, our own missions, etc... that we forget just how good it feels to do something nice for another person. It can be modest like anonymously mowing the elderly neighbors grass when they go to the store. You know the random acts of kindness that we all hear about but oftentimes forget to think about. You get one of those chances.

There will be time to catch up but time lost is obviously lost. Focus on the here and now and things will go the way that they are meant. Enjoy it and keep us informed. We love to hear these stories.

Best wishes.

[emmacj]

Hi Kitty,

I think the fact that you understand that she wanted you, that she too was hurt by the decision to be apart from you will be enough in itself. Just seeing you once again will probebly bring out something in her that hasnt shown itself in 47 years. I have a feeling holding you in her arms, knowing you're alright, is just what she needs.

How are you feeling about meeting her? Very excited for you, let us know how you go

- Emma x

Old bird? Please!!! Hardly xx

[Dickons]

Could you create a book with pictures of you with notations? If you can scan in pictures of you at different ages and then go to the website for Walmart (or other stores that do this) and create a book and have it printed for a reasonable price.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[emmacj]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Could you create a book with pictures of you with notations? If you can scan in pictures of you at different ages and then go to the website for Walmart (or other stores that do this) and create a book and have it printed for a reasonable price.

This is an incredible idea! I got one done for my 21st through a website called 'Momento'. They look stunning & are a great keepsake.

[annierose]

I think it is truly wonderful that you are going to meet your birthmother. How good of you to be sympathetic to her pain. I think that often times birthmoms catch a bad rap. Like they would relinquish thier child and not have a life long scar. I think you should just be yourself upon meeting her. It will come naturally, you will see. There is a great oppurtunity for healing for both of you, let it come. I ♥ the idea of a picture book, I'm positive she would treasure it! I am neither a birthmother nor an adoptee, I am simply a birth sibling in the midst of reunion. I am sympathetic to all and learn what I can from others stories so thanks for sharing and please keep us posted.

[TxMom65]

Have you written her a letter? That, along with pictures, would be something she could hang onto and read over and over. You could let her know that you feel badly for the way she was treated.

I hope you have a great reunion.

[KittyMay]

I'm very excited to meet her. Before I knew more about her and just really found I care for her and enjoy her personality, I didn't know. Now I am excited. I am creating a photo album to take with me. It will have pictures throughout my whole life. I just plain don't like what happened to her. It's gnawing at me a great deal. To think that some doctor played God like that, all because a baby was a sought after commodity. It makes me wonder how many lives are out there, not only mine, that were affected by the antics of these people who for whatever their "alturistic" reasoning is, tore babies from women like that. I believe they will have to answer to their God someday, but that doesn't change the here and now. I really have great parents, and I wouldn't want to trade them for anything, but this stirs up so much inside. These are the types of things that had no place to happen in the first place....

[KittyMay]

Dpen,
I look over that book "The Girls That Went Away" over at Amazon. All I can say is Wow, I ordered it right away. Thank you for your suggestion.

[trixie1-26-65]

I am in the middle of reading "The Girls Who Went Away" not only is it very insightfull on adoptions then, it also brought a whole new light to my non-id info! The section of "Why adoption was planned for you" the words there now have a totally differnt meaning to me. It painted a differnt picture of why that I would have never seen without reading this book. And a better understanding... A really good book!!
I am hoping to have contact with my birthmother soon and feel this will help me in the meeting as well!
Good Luck to you & your meeting! Let us know how it all goes! )