[Dickons]

There seems to be a reoccuring theme questioning whether adoptive parents are adopted children's real parents. So following that same theme...

Do you think your adoptive parents think you are their 'real' child?

Kind regards,
Dickons

[dpen6]

Dickons,

Good question.

Yes, I do beleive that my parents thought of us as their "real"children. But i do know they understood that we were not bio.

[mayaprincess]

As an adoptive mother of a 2 year old, I can tell you that some times I actually forget that my son was not born from my body. He was 8 months old when we met him and I still get goose bumps when I think about the first time that I saw him. I guess it is what a woman feels when she gives birth to her child and sees it for the first time.

He is my very "real" child and I hope that one day he will feel the same way about me!!

I love him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[UnconventionalMom]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Do you think your adoptive parents think you are their 'real' child?

There is no doubt that I was supposed to be my parent's daughter, no matter who's womb I grew in.

[kerriv]

I'm also an adoptive mother. One of my daughters came to me at 8 months of age and is now 2 1/2. She doesn't really get adoption yet. My other daughter came to me at age 7, 10 months ago. She lived in orphanages for 14 months between being relinquished by her birth family and coming to me. My daughters are very much my real children but in our house it is very clear that just as I have 2 real daughters, each of my children have 2 real mothers. My older daughter is at the stage of choosing favorites in everything and we talk alot about how she should never feel the need to choose favorites in moms. We are both her real moms, we just have very different roles in her life, neither more or less important than the other, just different.

On a side note, I was told recently by an adult adoptee when I mentioned how much my daughter's birth family is a part of our daily conversation, not to worry, that she would soon forget them and feel greatful to me for taking her in. The last things I want in the world are for her to forget her family (and in fact I'm planning a trip to Ethiopia to try to find them and get more info, pics, etc.) or for her to feel greatful. Ugh!

[dpen6]

Kerri,

You got it right ...adoptees mothers are both real...not one more then the other.

[akcskye]

It doesn't matter how the children came into my life...they are as real as you or I.

My kids are 12 and 13, and our match has been so great it feels like I just can't remember giving birth to them, but it feels like they've "always been there".

[FallenChild]

I find the Question a telling Freudian Slip!!

best, FC

[FallenChild]

Originally Posted by kerriv

I'm also an adoptive mother. One of my daughters came to me at 8 months of age and is now 2 1/2. She doesn't really get adoption yet. My other daughter came to me at age 7, 10 months ago. She lived in orphanages for 14 months between being relinquished by her birth family and coming to me. My daughters are very much my real children but in our house it is very clear that just as I have 2 real daughters, each of my children have 2 real mothers. The last things I want in the world are for her to forget her family (and in fact I'm planning a trip to Ethiopia to try to find them and get more info, pics, etc.) or for her to feel greatful. Ugh!

Now that is a statement of LOVE!!

[mom25-4g1b]

Absolutely. I think of my bio and my adoptive children the same way. Just the other day my son did something and my dh said , "He gets that from me." He thought for a second and then we both laughed. We "forget" all the time that our akiddos are not ours biologically. Of course I know there will be differences down the road in the way we need to deal with certain issues. I think there is a spiritual element here as well. I believe that God chose these children to belong to our family the same as he chose our bio kids.
Blessings,
Shelley - Mom to 5

[nee18]

Our son is 100% just as "real" to us as any child we could have given birth to. I know some people may argue that there's no way we can know that without having a biological child to compare it to, but I know without a doubt that I couldn't love a child more than I love my son simply because of biology. We, too, have had moments of forgetting that he's adopted. In fact, one of our extended relatives was "remembering" when I was pregnant with him not too long ago (paper pregnant maybe? ). We don't ignore the fact that he's adopted and don't downplay the important role his birthmom has played and will hopefully continue to play in his life. But, in our hearts, he's just our son.

[JustPeachy]

I know some people may argue that there's no way we can know that without having a biological child to compare it to.

I hate when people try to argue this!! One of my biggest pet peeves, in fact. It can also be argued if they have bio children and no adopted ones that there's no way THEY could know w/o having the comparison. But I don't think anyone would be so rude to say that to someone with bio kids. So why must it be said to those who adopt??

I'm not an adoptee or aparent, but I do know that my son's parents consider him as their "real" child. I have no doubt they love him just as much as they would a bio child.

[akcskye]

I agree.

I too, dislike it when people that have only had biological children play the trump card of "you don't know because you haven't given birth".

We have a much harder, longer battle, generally to be able to have children. But, they don't understand it.

A fair few of biological parents either see us in 2 positions:

1. Super God of all children "in need". OR
2. Evil baby snatchers needing to fill our egos by having a child at all costs.

We don't want either of these titles, and our choices leading to adoption should be viewed as personal as whether their biological child was conceived before or after marriage. Our love of them should also not be questioned.

In a poor example...people that bring a pet into their lives love it unconditionally. Obviously, you didn't give birth to the puppy, but that doesn't mean you love it any less. That's the point I'm trying to make. Love is what you make or don't make of it.

Sorry, this is a soap box issue for me, so I'll slide on down before I hijack the thread. haha

[Dickons]

Originally Posted by FallenChild

I find the Question a telling Freudian Slip!!

best, FC

FallenChild,

Please explain what you mean...the title does have a flaw in the wording but that is related the stroke I had, and at the time of writing I miss errors that I can see after the fact, for what it is worth if I have offended you then perhaps you can look up 'asphasia' and see why it happened.

If it is more than that error, what is your point?

Kind regards,
Dickons

[lacey_mae]

I was adopted at 6 months, I am currently 21. I have met my entire Bmoms side of the family, sisters brothers aunts uncles cousins granparents. And as much as i love them and getting to know them, there is no doubt in my mind who my real parents are.

My parents are possibly one of the greatest sets of parents a kid could ask for. They gave me rules, made me work, taught me to be a good person, and never once spoiled me. I was the kid with a strict curfew, rules about not dating until i was 16, and getting chores done every morning before school.

When i was 15 my dad was killed in a car accident. It was the hardest thing i've ever delt with. But that accident made me realize more than ever they are my parents. And i know that they thought of me as their real child. They took care of me all these years, saw every band performance i played in, and took me prom dress shopping.

I'm getting married this oct. and every step of the way my mom has been there. My Bfamily is happy for me but has put no effort to be apart of it. My afamily is my real family. They will always be my real family! On my wedding day my best friend Jimmy will be walking me up the isle because when dad died he is the one that took responsibilty to watch over me. My bfamily will be there, but they will not be sitting with family or any of the such. I do love them dearly but my family is my real family...no questions asked.