[Josh5339]

I don't know if I'm alone on this or not, but if I had to choose who I get to meet out of both of my birth parents it's my father. My real father. Inside, I know that I'm my father's son. Always have been, always will be.

I look at my adoptive Dad and while he was always there for me, I'm nothing like him. I never have been. I also have this "fight not flight" set up hardwired into me. I hear a gun shot, I'm not running away, I'm running in to get people to safety. I actually got involved with something, put my life on the line, to save someone trapped in a house with a guy my age (at the time, 15) who was holding a knife - I knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Pure primal instinct.

My adoptive parents know this side of me. My dad told me that it's rare, that most would turn and run the other way. That alone makes me different.

I don't know, but it's like raw instinct. Natural, it feels right. A part of me believes it came from my real father. That he was some kind of a hero or something, maybe a cop, a soldier, a resistance fighter, maybe just someone who risked his life to save others. Whatever it was, I know I didn't get it from nurture - it's in my blood, creating the question of what exactly that means. There's "cop families," "soldier families," and so on causing me to question that there could actually be something to this.

When my adoptive father told me that that wasn't in him or anyone else in our family, I don't know if he knows this, but that's what triggered the need to know my real parents - especially my father. It had to come from somewhere.

Kind of like Luke and Anakin Skywalker, or Captain James Kirk and his Dad, I can name others - but, that's what it seems like. If it is, I need to know him, I need to know if it comes from him and if it does, how should I use it. I feel like, it's something only he can teach me.

While my mother gave birth to me, I feel like there's this whole other side to me that's been struggling to get out for years and indescribably my gut tells me that it's in my dad. Whatever it is, whatever it means, I have to know.

I was just wondering how strong others' curiosity concerning their birth fathers run...

[Jo Ellen]

Josh,

I am an adoptee reunited with both my birth mother and birth father. My birth parents are married so it makes my situation different. However when I first found them I focused more on the relationship with my birth mother then the relationship with my birth father came slower. My birth father has been so good to give my birth mother and me time alone to talk and share and at the same time my birth mother has given my birth father and me time. I also take every opportunity to talk with him and have for some time now. Many times I will call his cell phone when I know she isnt home just to have time with him.

I am happy to hear that you want to know your birth father the way you do. Sadly so many birth fathers are forgotten and I believe they have just as much right to be a part of an adoptees life and the reunion as the birth mother.

Hold on to what you want and dont let anyone tell you it is less important. I would not change a bit of the relationship I have with either one of my birth parents except for it to have happened earlier in our lives and that my visits could be even more frequent than they are now but distance plays a part in that.

Dont lose hope and know you have support here.

[winter444]

I'm an adoptee who's contact with bmom ended very badly, a huge part of why that happened was because she refused to tell me who my bfather was, every excuse was used..."You will disrupt his life" "His family will not know about you..." it drove me crazy, I had every right to know who he was, I had such a yearning to know, my fear too was if I left it until "maybe" one day my bmom would tell me, he would be dead.

I eventually did get his name and he was so happy to hear from me, we are very, very alike, we think alike, we like the same things, we have the same exact sense of humor, I know I was meant to find him.

So many things fell in to place when I found my bdad so I totally understand what you are saying.

[erikamarie]

Josh,
I am an adoptee and I wanted to meet my bmother so badly. It was the only thing pretty much that I thought about. In middle school and high school. As soon as I turned 18 I thought I had them pinned down. A week later I found my brother. The need to find my bfamily controlled my life. I know what you are talking about kinda in a different way. I had nothing in common with my afamily and I knew there had to be something with my bfamily. I was not disapointed when I met my siblings, we are so alike in so many ways.
I met my bfather before I met my bmother. I am glad that I did. My brother thought that my mother would scare me away and I would never have come back around, I hate to admit he was probably right. Anyway, I have a better relationship with my bdad than my bmom.

Trust me, I know that need for information that you are talking about. I also know that it never goes away until you get all the information possible.

Best of Luck, let us all know how it goes,
Erika

[txrnr]

I get it Josh. I would also like to find information out about my bfather. I wouldn't assume he's the one that gave you the "cop" instinct. I was one for 10 years, and now teach Criminal Justice, and I'm a girl. (just wanted to make sure us females get our props.)

Go find him. I think the feeling that you are your father's son is ingrained in your DNA.

[wishfulthinker]

I never really gave much thought over the years of ever meeting my bfather. My aparents were told by the social worker that when he found out he got my bmom pregnant he took off and joined the service leaving her alone. Just last summer I got my non-id and found out that he actually went with my bmom to every appointment with the social worker. Both my bmom and bdad wrote separate letters to the social worker trying to get me back when I was a month old. After finding that out, I really would like to find him and meet him some day. My whole life I thought he had left her; turns out he was with her every step of the way and ever wanted me back.

It seems like most of the focus for us adoptees is on our bmoms. I'm sure that there are plenty of bdads out there who also think of us often and care.

[03daisymae]

I just got the names of birthparents and maybe siblings names. I hope I can find them they are some stuff that I do that is nothing like my adopted family at all. My birth parents nams are donna lynn white jenkins and william bruce jenkins. If anyone knows of them my e-mail address are snoophollyholly@aol.com or holly.reeves@yahoo.com. Good luck with hunting down your birthfamily.