[bihman1]

I'm a screenwriter who is researching adoption as a topic for my current project. I want to make sure my portrayal of the issue is accurate as well as helpful for adoptive parents, bio parents, and adoptees.

I've read many posts on this site and a book (called Insight Into Adoption), and want to make sure I write the best story possible before I make any important decisions.

I would greatly appreciate if you could answer any of the following questions:

Should I be careful not to portray adoption as too negative? After all, not everyone has a bad experience, and not everyone is deeply affected by their adoption.

What would you want everyone the world to know about adoption?

Would you approve of a story which follows two adoptive parents who do almost everything wrong - They are well-intentioned and loving, but try not to talk about the adoption to their child and pretend like nothing is wrong. And then the child angrily runs away from home and tries to find his bio parents. He doesn't find them, but somehow learns that his loss is valid and in the end reunites with his adoptive parents. And so the story is basically what parents should not do, and then how the situation is resolved once the child is allowed to grieve.

I've been very long-winded, but this is my ultimate point:

I don't want to write a story that adoptees will say is unrealistic, offensive, distorted, too negative, or too preachy.

I want adoptees to love my story. I want them, above all others, to agree it.

Thank you very much for your time.

[agree519]

Well, as a screenwrighter, you have the obligation to be sure that your story is pure.

One thing that I've learned as an adoptee is every story relating to the adoption and ultimately a birthparent search is SO very different. To tell a story in the most positive way, (i.e. a mother giving her child up with the intentions of a better life, the most amazing deserving adoptive parents get the child, the child grows up and finds the birth mother waiting for the child to come back and all live happily ever after) sometimes hurts and leaves an adoptee that didnt have the positive aspects that the story had feeling cheated. So, even with the way you want to tell the story, not every adoptee will identify.

I think if you work on developing the characters that would be key to making your story pure. If you can translate the adoptive parent's desire to ignore the elephant in the room into a fear of losing the child that they love as their own, or a feeling of protecting the child against the potiential negative "what-ifs" associated with the birth parent. And if you could be sure to portray the adoptee as someone who has a missing piece somewhere out there, not really the desire to replace their childhood, just to know the rest of their story, it will be good.

Since it sounds to be a story of a struggle, and the star doesnt get the "happily-ever-after" end to their search, you should shine light too on the positives that came from their adoption. You wouldnt want the people who watch your film to leave it feeling that adoption is a scary hurtful thing.

Some people hear that someone is adopted and feels sorry for the adoptee, because they were unwanted. That's the thing that always made me feel special... I was wanted, in fact, I was chosen.

I wish you the best for your story.

[missing75time]

Originally Posted by bihman1

I'm a screenwriter who is researching adoption as a topic for my current project. I want to make sure my portrayal of the issue is accurate as well as helpful for adoptive parents, bio parents, and adoptees.

I've read many posts on this site and a book (called Insight Into Adoption), and want to make sure I write the best story possible before I make any important decisions.

I would greatly appreciate if you could answer any of the following questions:

Should I be careful not to portray adoption as too negative? After all, not everyone has a bad experience, and not everyone is deeply affected by their adoption.

What would you want everyone the world to know about adoption?

Would you approve of a story which follows two adoptive parents who do almost everything wrong - They are well-intentioned and loving, but try not to talk about the adoption to their child and pretend like nothing is wrong. And then the child angrily runs away from home and tries to find his bio parents. He doesn't find them, but somehow learns that his loss is valid and in the end reunites with his adoptive parents. And so the story is basically what parents should not do, and then how the situation is resolved once the child is allowed to grieve.

I've been very long-winded, but this is my ultimate point:

I don't want to write a story that adoptees will say is unrealistic, offensive, distorted, too negative, or too preachy.

I want adoptees to love my story. I want them, above all others, to agree it.

Thank you very much for your time.

As an opener, what you have presented strikes me as a "stereotyped" adoption, and a rather cliche presentation of an "at birth" adoption from the era of the mid to latter part of the 20th century. Additionally, you've ended your story without really providing any character growth. The same white elephant you started with remains, and adoptees do eventually grow up, much as some may have you believe we are "children" forever.

It is a plausible story, if set in the correct context, and certainly wouldn't offend either of those adopted, or non-adopted.

Reality however can be a lot stranger than you think.

You may consider researching a bit more, look into the foster care system as it relates to adoption, specifically the ratio of at birth adoptions to foster care adoptions; as well as, and perhaps much more importantly the issue(s) of sealed records.

While a small percentage of adoptions can be classified in the nice tidy box of "She (birthmother) gave the child up at birth. The child was then adopted. At some point he/she searched unsuccessfully", I think you'll discover that there's quite a lot more varience to the stories of adoption. Especially when it comes to search and reunion.

You're story also portrays the standard triad members. There's at least two more players to adoption that you've left out: The adoption agency, and the State (and depending on circumstances, the foster care system) last and certainly not least, sometimes there's the issue of siblings, both on the adopted side, and on the biological side.

I myself don't view my adoption, or adoption in general as negative. Though certainly traumatic, with such descriptions as "the primal wound", and having "Reactive Attachment Disorder" in the DSM-IV. My own personal source of frustration has been the secretiveness surrounding adoption, which stems back to the adoption agency and perhaps more so the state.

I'd suggest researching the following, then decide where you want to take your story:

California Family Code 9200
California Health And Safety Code Section 102705
California Civil Code 1798.24q
(try Find California Code)

Edna Gladney
Georgia Tann

Gladney Foundation
National Council for Adoption

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute
Bastard Nation
CalOpen
Unsealed Initiative
The Daily Bastardette

[missing75time]

As an after thought. Also research homosexual couple adoptions and open adoptions.

[bakerjw]

You are correct that not everyone has had a "bad" adoption. I had wonderful adopted parents and always knew that I was adopted, but we couldn't get into a discussion about it for very long without my adopted mom getting flustered and giving me the "That's just the way it is so don't worry about it." lecture. Being inquisitive by nature I always asked questions for which there are no solid answers like "Why do we believe in a God that we can't see, touch, feel, or hear?" The answer. "Because it is faith, we just believe because we do." So when you start shutting down questions with "forget about it" responses you get kids that DO start thinking about it. If you sweep something under the carpet, kids will always want ton know what it was that was being swept. This leads me to ask, Why is he trying to find his birth parents?

also, what are their motives for hiding the facts and circumstances surrounding his adoption? Do they fear that his birth parents might have turned out to be successful people and willing to have him move into their multimillion dollar mansion with them? I think that is an underlying fear with a lot of adopted parents. OR are they protecting him because they feel that the circumstances with his conception or his birth mother might be traumatic to him? A result of rape, incest, drug use, comatose birth mother, etc...

The plot as I see it.
Kid is adopted.
Adoptive parents don't talk about it.
Kid gets angry.
Kid runs away to find biological parents.
Kid can't find biological parents
Kid comes home
Everyone is happy.

I know that there is probably more to the story and plot development than you posted but that is the general gist of the story.

One thing that I am sure that many adoptees can relate to that you may want to consider is peer acceptance. Growing up I remember my cousins making a big deal about me being an orphan. I never was, but they called me that a lot and small children want acceptance and a label is not a sign of acceptance. A lot of kids were utterly fascinated about me being adopted. They would ask if I intended to go find my real mother and father and go live with them. "What if they are rich yadda yadda yadda." It puts the whole realm of adoption into a new light. To many who are not adopted, it is a mystical land of unicorns and rivers flowing with milk and honey and beautiful flowers. To many who are adoptees it is a dark mysterious place where questions go unanswered and we are not allowed to even think of going there according to many of the laws that are put in place by well meaning government officials.

So, what should adoptive parents do?
#1 - Be honest and open about the adoption. Answer questions to the best of your ability without portraying the birth mother in a bad light. Sure she may have slept with every guy she ever met and been addicted to crack when the child was conceived, but that can be glossed over. Respond with "Some people make bad decisions in life but she made the decision to give you a chance at a better life with us."
#2 - Deal with their own insecurities of the adoption. Don't fear the birth parent. If the adopted child and birth parents ever do meet, they will be meeting as strangers. There likely will not be an instantaneous bond, love at first sight if you will. It is highly doubtful that your adopted child is going to run off with them to never be seen or heard from again.
#3 - Be supportive if they decide to search for their birth parents. My adopted mom died a little over a year ago and I still harbor some feelings of resentment for her response when she found out that my birth mother was looking for me. That took the decision out of my hands and here I am 7 years after my birth mothers search paying for a search and waiting day by day for Catholic Charities to tell me anything. The cards are really stacked against us adoptees when we do start searching.

You asked for input. It is a little long but it is as I see it from my perspective.
Good luck with your project

[FAYE56]

You have quite the project. Writing this story without personal experience is definitely going to be a challenge.

Each adoptee has a different story to tell. My brother and I are both adopted. We have different biological parents, were raised by the same Parents, in the same neighborhood, with many of the same friends growing up, yet our stories are totally different.

I think if I were you, I would try and base your writings on an actual life story.

Unfortunately no matter how you write it, there will be adoptees/ parents and birthparents who aren't going to like it.

Regarding your questions:
1. Should I be careful not to portray adoption as too negative? After all, not everyone has a bad experience, and not everyone is deeply affected by their adoption.

I would definitely be careful not to portray adoption too negatively. No we all didn't have a bad experience, but I think you are wrong when you say that not all adoptees are deeply affected by their adoption. I think we all are deeply affected, we just have different ways of dealing with the situation.

2. What would you want everyone the world to know about adoption? I think that adoption is a good option for all.

3. Would you approve of a story which follows two adoptive parents who do almost everything wrong - They are well-intentioned and loving, but try not to talk about the adoption to their child and pretend like nothing is wrong. And then the child angrily runs away from home and tries to find his bio parents. He doesn't find them, but somehow learns that his loss is valid and in the end reunites with his adoptive parents. And so the story is basically what parents should not do, and then how the situation is resolved once the child is allowed to grieve.

In order to answer this, I guess I would have to hear about all of the "wrong" that these parents are doing before making a decision. I think I would rather see a story where the Parents were doing everything "right", yet the adoptee still felt like their was still something missing and went in search or better yet, a couple of kids meet up in High School and become fast friends with adoption as a common denominator, from there, take your "friends" storyline on different journeys with different experiences and outcomes.

Good Luck