[bluecatty]

Hi, a couple weeks ago my husband received a letter from a lady saying that she was looking for a family member. To make a long story short, this lady is convinced that she is my husband's aunt and that my husband was given up for adopted by her sister at birth. My husband is 43 years old and has never suspected anything like this, but this event did cast some doubt. This woman has since sent pictures and phone numbers of other relatives, but says she is not ready to let her sister know that she has found her biological child since she grieved for him many years. She did name the supposed birth mother and birth father. My husband is not comfortable asking his mother is this could be true since she is elderly and he thinks this would really upset her.

Do we have another way to find out if this could be true? We are concerned this could be some sort of scam. Or, if its not a scam and my husband is not the right person, we'd like to let her know so that she can continue her search. We live in Texas.

Any help or guidance is much appreciated.

[c.a]

Is there anyone else in the family your husband can talk to? A family friend?? Aunt or Uncle? Cousin? Older sibling? Surely someone would know if he was adopted.

You can akso request non-identifying info from the Courts in every state. That would at least confirm that an adoption happened. And would probably give you enough information to confirm whether this other family is a match to your husband.

Good luck.

[RavenSong]

Does your husband have a copy of his birth certificate? If so, can you tell if it is amended? If it is amended, then chances are good that he was adopted.

[Dickons]

Hi,

If your husband was born in Texas he/you can search the Texas birth index on ancestry.com. I do not know if you need to have an account with ancestry to view it or not. If you do then I think you can sign up for a free trial - if not then you could PM me with his birth date/place and I will send you all the matches there.

That should give an idea of whether he was adopted or not as probably will not show amended births like in adoption where the birth certificate has the adopted parents named.

The link to search the Texas birth index is below. Scroll down to the links by date range and then search.

Texas Birth Index, 1903-1997 - Ancestry.com

Kind regards,
Dickons

[snuffie]

Hi
It is not uncommon for parents not to tell a child that he/she was adopted - especially in the "closed" era. You could ask the woman who contacted you for more info. such as where the person she is looking for was born (which hospital etc.) and see if it matches with your husband's info. You could ask her why she feels that your husband is the nephew she is looking for - info that she has etc.

Best wishes to you.

Snuffie

[SoniaRose]

I agree with the previous suggestions.

Regarding the birth certificate, I'm not sure if you can tell whether or not it was amended. I was adopted at the age of 9 months in CA, and my birth certificate lists my aparents as my parents. Missing on the certificate is the signature of the parent and the name and address of the hospital (although the city of my birth is given).

I'm not sure if it's the same in your state of Texas, but when I needed a certified copy of my birth certificate many years ago to get a passport, I first called the county of my birth only to be told that I must get my certificate from Sacramento (our state capitol) because I was adopted. In my case, I probably mentioned that I was adopted, but maybe you can call an appropriate office to inquire.

Also, ancestry.com lists me as the child of my aparents. Maybe it's different in Texas. However, I have found information about my bmom and her children on that site -- if you know your husband's suspected bmom's and bdad's names, maybe you can investigate them and see if any facts correspond. See when they were born, where they lived, etc.

Good luck and best wishes.

[bluecatty]

Thanks. Per the suggestions, I did sign up for ancestry.com and found the Texas Dept of Vital Statistics record for my husband. It shows his correct birthdate and full name of both his parents (the people he's always know to be his parents). So, either he's not adopted, or this information shows the post-adopted info. I also emailed the Tx Dept of Vital Statistics b/c I understand if you know the both of suspected birth parents' names (which we do) then we can request a copy of the uncertified birth certificate (pre-adoption). Again, not sure that would help. I'll see what they say and let you know.

What about proof-positive proof like DNA tests. Can we sneak a hair sample from one of his parents to find out for sure??

[bluecatty]

PS - We did ask one cousin who is older than my husband if there was any possibility and she said no way - but if my husband was actually adopted, it is a BIG family secret. The family is very large and all live in the same town so that's one reason we are doubting this is true b/c that's a big secret to keep for 43 years.

[SoniaRose]

It sounds like you're becoming a good detective.

Yes, DNA would be the most conclusive. You could easily get a hair sample from your mother-in-law's comb or hairbrush -- if that would be sufficient. I don't know much about DNA testing except what I've seen on TV (it would be much easier to sneak a hair sample than to ask his mom to swab inside her mouth). If the suspected bmom's sister is willing, maybe she would submit a swabbed sample (if test would show a genetic relationship between possible aunt and nephew).

Please keep us posted on any new developments.

[Foundoutat50]

Originally Posted by bluecatty

PS - We did ask one cousin who is older than my husband if there was any possibility and she said no way - but if my husband was actually adopted, it is a BIG family secret. The family is very large and all live in the same town so that's one reason we are doubting this is true b/c that's a big secret to keep for 43 years.

My family never let on and I only found out by accident when I was 50. After I learned things about my bmother and her family, turns out she never told her husband or children. Her siblings never but never let it slip. Families CAN keep secrets!!

[hrisme]

Several years ago my cousin got a call from an individual who asked her to confirm her father's name, when she did so the individual informed her that they were sisters. Of course, my cousin did a double take as this was a very SLIM possibility. Turns out there was an individual with my uncle's same name (including middle initial!) who worked at the same company he did.

With my search, my birthfather's name was VERY unusual, and so when I found someone in CA with his name I called right away. The person on the other end of the line told us he was dead & wouldn't give us any further information. Several months later I randomly did a search on "People Search" & found a second individual with that name--turns out that individual was my birthfather.

Mistaken identities in cases like this are not uncommon, especially when someone is desperate to find anything! Personally, I would assume that's the case in this situation.

[snuffie]

My husband worked with a woman who came from a huge family. Her 10 siblings did not know that she placed a baby for adoption until she told them after their parents had passed away. And she had been living in the same house with them for most of the pregnancy!

I think I would still talk more with the woman who contacted you. She may not have a lot of info. but you may find some things that she does know, don't add up.

Snuffie

[cksmom]

an amended birth certificate will have the adoptive parents listed as the parents. My amended bc did not list the hospital, time of birth or weight/length. If I remember correctly, it also has a case number on it.

It looks very different from my husband's and childrens' birth certificates.

The closed era of adoption is all about secrets and keeping them. Some birth families know nothing about a adopted baby ever. My bmom has kept me a secret from her husband for over 37 years (i'm almost 39). Some adoptive families think keeping this secret will protect the child or them from pain and was encouraged by the "experts" sometimes.

Can your husband look through "important papers" that may be at his mother's? sneaky but could prove effective.

[chazas]

Here's the deal with the Texas birth index.

Normally, it will reflect the information on the amended birth certificate (the adoptive parents). Occasionally, it will not. When it doesn't the child is usually listed without a first name, as an "INF OF" (infant of) the bio mother. But usually, the adoptive parents are named.

You can only get an original birth certificate in Texas is you know the name(s) of the bio parents that are on the certificate, and even then only an uncertified copy. This is a fairly recent change. For a child given up for adoption, that usually means you need is the bio mother's name, not the bio father's. Here's the link to the instructions. The lady who runs that program is Rosa Hyde. She is very kind, and I'm sure she could answer any questions for you. Her phone number is 888-963-7111 x3318.

Here's another suggestion, which is part of the regular tricks used by Texas search angels. Texas birth certificate numbers, at least of a certain age, were usually assigned alphabetically in "clumps" for all the births on a particular day in a particular county. So all of the A's were usually together, the B's, etc. - often not in alpha/numerical order within the group, but still grouped by letter. Also, birth certificate numbers don't change from the original to the amended.

So you can go to the link at ancestry.com, or another one called David Gray's People Finder, and pull up a list of all the births in the relevant county for your husband's birthday. Unfortunately, that does not include the birth certificate numbers. However, on David Gray's site, there is also a copy of a separate set of Texas records called the birth books. These are photocopies of pages from a printout that lists, for each year and alphabetically, each baby born, the county, birthdate and birth certificate number. For every baby born on your husband's birthday in his county, find the page with the name you want on it, then write down the birth certificate number. When you have all the information, put it into a spreadsheet with the name of the baby, sorted by last name. Then reorder by birth certificate number. If all the others who share the first letter of your husband's last name stay clumped together, but your husband moves into a completely different group, that is a strong suggestion that he may have been adopted and his original last name was within the grouping suggested by his birth certificate number. It doesn't always work, but when it does it's pretty striking.

I know all this because I recently did a search in Texas and found my bio mother. Send me a PM if you need more information.

[ocracoke]

I just wanted to say that looking at your birth certificate does not necessarily clue you into if he is adopted or not. I am adopted and my birth certificate looks just like anybody elses. Has my aparents listed. Has place of birth (even the hospital). Has correct dates. It looks just like non-adopted birth certificates. The only clue on my birth certificate is that it shows either a filing date or a signature date (can't remember which) that is nearly 9 years after my birth (I was almost 9 years old when my adoption was finalized). So if the filing or signature date is not really close to the birth date I think I would wonder why.

Samantha