[fredstopp]

On 01/09/09 I received the complete relinquishment records from the state of CO. It has my b-mom and b-dads name but it is blacked out. It has what town her and her parents live in. It has the college she attended and what year she plans on graduating. It has the college my b-dad attended and the year he was in during the conception. It has the church her and her parents attended. With all that information and considering the population at the time (450), I hope it won't be hard to find a name.
The question i have is once and if I find the name, should i have someone tell her I'm looking for her(church paster) and give her the option of calling me first. Then after a certain time contact her, or just contact her?
Another question is, is it best to write a letter or call her? Any feedback would be very helpful.

[pcata8888]

I'm in the same boat. But I have more information. I know their names and possibly my bmom's present address and tel no. I don't know how to proceed. some say write a letter, other's say call from the neigborhood. I just got all this info in the last few weeks and am still trying to process it all after 44 yrs of not knowing anything.

[cksmom]

Wow, great non-id info! My local search angels that helped would salivate over the names being blacked out. LOL Apparently they have had a lot of luck with being able to read the names despite the blacked out. Let me know if you need some help as I'm sure they wouldn't mind helping at all. Sounds like you have some good leads. It is pretty amazing and overwhelming to read all that info, isn't it?

As far as contacting. My prefence was a letter. I did have someone that was willing to make the call for me because I would have never gathered the courage to call. I still felt a letter was more appropriate. I also prefer going straight to bmom. I think you should focus on finding the names and locating them and then think about how you want to contact.

PM me if you need help from my local group.

[sheababy]

If I am ever lucky enough to be in your position, I would write a letter and have the pastor deliver it. Include your contact info but in the instance she may not want any contact (doubtful), she could let you know through the pastor.

[NewYearsBaby63]

Hi,
Of course this is just my opinion but I would write a letter if I had to do it over again. My BMom was expecting my call so it made it a little easier but I wouldn't recommend just calling with out any warning. This is going to be a major moment for both of you. It might be best if she has some time to prepare for it as you have. There may be things she wants to say and certain ways that she wants to say it. I think it's fair to give her the chance to help make this time as meaningful as it can be.
Best of luck to both of you!

[fredstopp]

That makes good sence. If and when i find her I will try that and pray for patiance.

[fredstopp]

Do you think they could still find the names if it was blacked out and then copied? If so, yes I need your help. Thank you Fred

[fredstopp]

Ya, I'm 41 years of not knowing anything. A lot of things in the letter about her ethnic background and her religion are the same as my adopted parents. I'm still processing everything and these chats help. Thanks Fred

[snuffie]

I think it is difficult to decipher the names if they have been both blacked out and then copied. My non-id was like that and I spent many hours with magnifying glasses etc and could only read one letter. But the search angels may have some "tricks" that I don't know about.

I agree that a letter is the way to go. It is much less of a shock than getting a phone call would be. In my case, though, I had to make a phone call to one of my bsisters first and it worked out very well.

Best wishes to you! It sounds like you are very close to finding your bparents. One thought I had is to look at school yearbooks for the approximate years your bparents would have been in school. I look very much like my bmom and the very first photo I saw of her was her high school yearbook photo.

Snuffie

[cksmom]

Fred, I just pm'd you with the link to the group. I also emailed the admin to let her know about you. Even if they can't decipher the blacked out names, they will have lots of other ideas. Believe me, they are amazing.

[WildcatDan]

I have non-id info as well, but the case worker put my case number on my letter with my BirthMothers last name!! So, I have that much, but am still having trouble making any headway. I suppose that if I still lived in Illinois it would be easier to utilize the local connections.

[jrainbow]

Great Non-id info. I got blanked out names, towns, birthdates, even the year they graduated - even though the writing said they had both graduated from high school the previous year. Even I could figure that out from my birthdate. Good luck to everyone in finding that missing piece.

If you use an search angel or an intermediary of some kind, sometimes they will contact them for you. I was very lucky - I was found by someone who was a friend of bmom. So after she found me, she told bmom in person. I did call her but it was 24 hours later so she had a little time to process it. My sister called cold turkey and her bmom handled it very well - but I'm not sure I could have and that first conversation is so unreal anyway. Can you imagine - you are going about your day to day business - and you get this call????

If you do write a letter, then be sure you do something to make sure that your bparents get the letter. Some return receipt or something - maybe even pay the extra so you can track it. Also many people have suggested putting in a selfaddressed letter so that bmom can check things off - Contact information, I do not want contact at this time, I will provide medical, etc.... so that even if she doesn't want contact you will know it and you can get medical information, etc. You don't want to try to assume what anyone else thinks in this matter. Make it easy for her to respond.

Again - Good luck. Hope your reunion dreams come true.

[adoptedmoesly]

I was lucky in that I petitioned the court and was given my original birth certificate. Then I took the birth certificate back to the agency that adopted me and they told me the rest. When I finally found her I asked the adoption agency to contact her first that way we had a go between. I thought it was better that way.

I guess what I am saying is that I would use a pastor or the agency you were adopted from as the go between.

[fredstopp]

Thanks, I filled out the app. and am waiting for the confirmation. I dropped your name cksmom but i don't know if they know that's you. I'll let you know when I get confirmed. Fred

[fredstopp]

Thanks, that's great advice. I really like the idea of tracking the lettter and self addressed envalope.