[cksmom]

Originally Posted by fredstopp

Thanks, I filled out the app. and am waiting for the confirmation. I dropped your name cksmom but i don't know if they know that's you. I'll let you know when I get confirmed. Fred

yep, that is my screen name there too. You should hear back soon. She is fast! I can't check my yahoo email from work but she probably responded to my email about you earlier.

Please let me know if you need anything else.

[fredstopp]

How do i go about getting the High School yearbook from 1964? Fred

[SoniaRose]

It appears that you don't live in the same state in which you were born -- you can try looking for the yearbook on eBay; there are also online stores that sell used yearbooks. Used yearbooks usually aren't cheap, however, and if your bmom was from a very small town, the school yearbook could be very hard to find.

If you live in the same area, the high school usually has old yearbooks in its library; sometimes the local public library has the yearbook as well.

Good luck with your search.

[lglysson]

Hi Fred,
I am a birth mom and I would want the letter directly, not delivered through someone else.
Best wishes!

[BethVA62]

The names on my non-id were balcked out too, and I found out that much of the info was fabricated. But they forgot to black out my paternal grandmothers name, thankfully, cause that was the only way I was able to find my people.

What ever your contact method is, keep it as private as possible. be careful what you say to people during your search too, you never know who might know your mother or family. I would avoid the preacher at all costs.

I have seen in many cases, including mine, that the mom hasn't told anyone in her life, ever. And the thought of her dreaded secret coming out to her family was the most scariest part of all for her. And a lot of times it takes the found party a while to swallow and get over the shock of being found. It took my mom 9 months to tell her husband and daughter and then contact me. Although she still hasn't told her son. I thought for sure I would never hear from her. But I did 8 years ago, and we have had a close long distance relationship since.

A certified letter is a good way. I'd suggest contacting her yourself, even if it is by phone, because it is all between parent and child, no one else, especially at first.

Keep in mind, it's easier for someone to freak out and tell anyone other than their child that they don't want contact. But if it is their child contacting them directly, it makes it much more real and much more difficult to deny contact because of fear.

[fredstopp]

Ha, she lives in a very small town in Courtland KS. Population 400 and I live in Durham NC. I called the church that she and her parents went to and gave the receptionist all the information I had on her and her father. She said nothing rings a bell but she would ask her father. That was 2 days ago and i haven't heard back from her yet. I kinda feel after she processed the phone call she doesn't want to get involved.

[fredstopp]

I hear you, The problem is I have to get someone involved if i am going to get a name. I have to do this on my own beceuse right know i can't afford paid help. Fred

[BethVA62]

i hope you hear from the church soon. I was suprised but most of the people that I asked for help seemed to be excited to help me solve my mystery.

I would also call the agency back and say thanks for the non id and is there anything else you can do to help me with my search?
Ask every tiny question you can think of about non-id.

My grandmothers name was a common one, but when I called my agency after attempting to search on my own for a while, one of the ladies there told me she couldn't tell me my fathers first name, but she could verify that my grandmothers name was correct, since I had it (I didn't mention they'd forgot to blacken it out). She then said, i can't tell you if your fathers name is the same as his mothers, but i can tell you if it is a different name........ then she said it is not a different name. (soooo much different than saying it is the same name

Then she said i cannot tell you the letters in your fathers first name, but i can tell you what letters are not in his name. So she patiently waited while I went thru the abc's, saying no to all the wrong ones and saying nothing to all the right ones, until I had his first and middle name.

Never hurts to bug the crap out of people til they will do most anything to get rid of you Flowers and candy and holiday cards help too

Just remember that the person on the other end of the phone has the paper in thier hand where the names have not been blacked out.

[fredstopp]

Yes, Yes I like that. Tell me what it doesn't say and I will fill in the blanks. I'll try it. Fred

[Mockingbird]

I wish you good luck. I have read that the "proper" thing to do is to write a letter; but my son called me. And I'm glad he did, even though it was a huge shock. If I had received the letter, I probably would have "sat on it" for months worrying and debating what to do, since his birth had never been discussed in the family. So for me, the call was best--it made me take decisive action and move forward. Just hearing his voice and talking to him was the thrill of a lifetime!

[fredstopp]

Wow, that is great. I hope my b-mom has the same reaction. I have the feeling she too did not discuss it with her family.