[lacey_mae]

hi everyone!
I was just wondering if anyone had any names, titles, nicknames they call their bmoms? how about bdads? as of right now i just call my bmom by her name. What kind of names do you have for bfamily members?

[Blessed2x.]

I call my birthmom by her first name.

I've thought a lot about names and titles. There's a lot of emotion and expectations behind them!! Not only do I think of the person being addressed, but the other relationships around the reunion. I have found that reunion has a lot of ripple effect, many good ripples, and some uncomfortable rippes to be worked out.

Congratulations on your reunion! It's a joyful thing.

[LasVegasMom]

I am a birthmother, call her whatever feels comfortable to you. Of course she is your mother but you already have a mother who raised you-you have always had 2 moms even if you didn't really know it. It is more important to have the relationship than to figure out what to call her. If you feel comfortable calling her mom, then call her mom, if you feel comfortable calling her by her first name, that is fine. As I said before, the relationship is the most important thing. All these other things will work themselves out. Good luck!

[RavenSong]

My son and I reunited almost 19 years ago. Mostly he calls me by my first name. Sometimes, though, he calls me Mom...usually when he's not feeling well. It all depends on how's he's feeling at the moment.

He knows he can call me anything he wants, as long as it's not disrespectful.

Sometimes I worry about how to address myself in letters and cards, since he uses both names for me. Usually I end up writing something like "I love you, son... Raven". But then I worry that he'll feel bad that I'm not saying, "Love, Mom". It's the little things that seem to be the most difficult in reunion.

[cnb1099]

You know I never really thought about this but I have always called my bmom by her first name, and all cards she signs her first name. But her brother and sister I call Aunt J and Uncle J....I think because that is how she addresses them to me when we talk. To my kids she is Miss J but my oldest understands her relationship to me.

Congrats on your reunion!

[Frawst]

I'm adopted and have a real tough time figuring out what to call my bmom too. A lot of it really depends on who I'm talking to. It gets confusing saying,"Mom", and then potentially having to explain which one you mean.

When speaking with her, it sounds stupid but, I really try to avoid anything that requires me to give her a title. She is my bmom but I don't have the bond, yet, with her that I feel comfy enough to just call her,"Mom", outright

I think its a personal choice on what to call her. I think you should always go with what you're most comfy with

[Jo Ellen]

What I have found in talking with others about this topic it all depends what everyone is comfortable with and have realized for myself and the relationship I have with my bparents that when it comes down to it mom is mom and dad is dad. In the beginning of our reunion for about the first year I called my bmom and bdad by their first names. Then one day I was on the phone with my bdad and he said "Here's your momma" and handed her the phone. From that point on I thought well if he is calling my bmom my momma then they must be okay with that. So over time when I would send emails I would address them with her name and then sweet mom. Then that year at Christmas my bmom signed their Christmas card love Mom and Dad and I knew at that point they wanted me to call them mom and dad.

[JustPeachy]

I agree to go with what you are most comfortable with, which may change over time. As a birthmother, I would not expect my son to call me "mom," and I wouldn't even want him to, unless he felt comfortable with that. If we reunite, and I hope we do, I assume he will call me by my first name. However, if he wanted to have a nickname or special name for me, that would be OK, too.

[cetalley]

I have to agree with the others...what ever it is your heart tells you is what you should say. After all we do not walk up to people and greet them by saying "I lOVE YOU"....unless our heart feels that way. I think what makes you comfortable, is what counts...as someone else said , as long as it is not disrespectful. I would never call a stranger Mom or Dad, unless I felt they represented that role in my life and that was the way my heart felt. Go with your heart! Too many people think Firstparents have these grand expectations...one being the "MOM" or "DAD"...I do not think, as a firstmom, "WE" feel this at all. I know I am the First-Mom to my twins...but I have no devine need for them to feel that just because i carried, birthed and loved them, that they "OWE" me the tilte,MOM. They , GOD willing, have a Mom and Dad, that are blessed to have that title, and rightfully deserve that tilte. If I am ever fortunate enough to know them...they are free to call me what is comfortable for them. Go with your heart..Blessings...C.J.

[anneadoptee]

I too call my b-mom by her first name. It was awkward at first and I avoided calling her anything until she suggested that I call her by her first name. It ifeels right for us and I have to agree with the consensus here, go with what feel right,
Anne

[JanetM]

Right now my bson, who is six, calls me "Mama Janet" which is ultimately what Amom felt most comfortable with. My BIL who is in reunion with his bmom, and is an adult calls his bmom by her first name. I anticipate that when my bson grows up I'll just be Janet but who knows....

[wolfe24]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one having this battle! I just found these forums tonight and this one thread in particular is something I have been struggling with.

For now, I call them by their first names, but slowly we're getting to the point where Mom & Dad are becoming more appropriate. I think its a little more complicated when there are siblings that call them mom & dad, what are they going to think if I start to do the same?

[keepitfluffy]

You might find you change how you want to address your b-mom as time goes on. I refer to my birth parents as my birthmom and birthdad. To them I call them by their names. I get very defensive when others refer to my birth parents as my mom or dad, as to me, that takes something away from my (adoptive) mom and dad.

It is tricky and I know names and titles can cause a lot of hurt. Can you raise this issue with her and talk through what you call her and why? See how she feels about it?

[salter]

Ten years after my birthmother found me first names have been best served for everyone. Simply because my adopted family is mom dad and sister. Call it as it is. These new people are a part of your life now but you have a loving family that have normal names. Don't confuse things with nicknames for anyone else.

[quantum]

My birthson calls me my name most of the time, but sometimes he calls me mom or ma.

I don't mind what he calls me as long as he calls me something! But I do get an extra warm fuzzy feeling when he calls me mom or ma. I think that's more feeling like he's accepted me into his life than wanting to take over his mother's place, kwim?