[hrisme]

So, apparently I have "lost" my birthmother once again. For those who aren't aware, my birthmother has schizophrenia & was moved from the state hospital (which she had been in and out of for the last 30 years) to another placement about an hour away shortly after we were reunited. I called the nursing home where she was a resident last I spoke with her caseworker, and they wouldn't give me any information beyond "We don't have a resident of that name here" (and they weren't even going to tell me that until I pulled the "I'll have my lawyer call" card). Can I say majorly exasperated??? I'm going to go down to the center after the holidays & try to get information out of them in person, not sure how sucesfull I'll be. She did sign a confidentiality waiver & they were supposed to tell me if she was moved, but obviously that didn't happen.

I'm torn now, somewhat relieved that I don't have to worry about setting up the visit, on the other hand feeling concerned (and, I'll admit, somewhat guilty) and, somewhat selfishly, afraid that I will want more information & not be able to get it. I don't know what gives me the idea that she should be at my beck & call, but that I have no obligation to maintain contact, but my own "stuff" has come up over the last year or so & I just haven't been in place emotionally for a visit. I'm also debating about setting up another visit with my birthfather's siblings, again feeling guilty there for coming into their lives without warning & walking out of it again just as fast (they were eager to bring me into the family, but I wasn't ready for that emotionally). I also lost track of my biological brother shortly after locating him in July of '07, he just stopped answering his e-mail & I don't have enough info to track him down in "real" life.

Part of me wants to reconnect with the past, the other part of me wants to move on & forget about it. Welcome to the dichotomy of life.

[Jackiejdajda]

I follow your story.. and relate it to my own..

My bson and I no longer communicate.. I am glad he is okay and all that but we are disconnected.. (I sometimes think he reads here and is interested in me)
I send gifts to the kids and he knows I am alive and all is well.. the kids like my presents..

I don't know what to say other than I am glad you keep posting.. your story is such a difficult one..

Jackie

[hrisme]

Jackie, thanks for your response. I feel guilty sometimes for not maintaining better contact, I wonder if it did more harm than good to initiate the relationship--though she did indicate she was relieved to know I was alright. She has schizophrenia, so it's an unstable situation as it is, and with my own mental health issues it just didn't seem like the right time to maintain contact. I do wish I would have at least kept in touch by phone though, maybe then I wouldn't have "lost track" of her.

I'm going to try calling her caseworker next week (hoping to get someone different on the phones!), and I'm also sending a letter to the state hospital where she was a resident on and off for 30 years, in hopes that she may have been transferred there. I know all this HEPA garbage is supposed to protect those who want their information kept private, but it's a major road block for those of us who know both sides want contact and yet can't get information because of privacy laws!!!!! Apparently, the only way I can be completely assured about keeping in contact with her is to take on power of attorney, and I don't think that would be healthy for me.