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#1
12-11-2008, 09:56 PM
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Adoptee Anger
I hope I have the right place to pose some questions and express myself. I recently have realised my sadness and anger are directed at my biological mother. Why do I at one moment call her Jodie then call her mom? I think because I feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty? Where can I get some adoptee support in person. Also for my own adopted children of whom there are three at home. You know you've been rather angry when your daughter says "mom you are always mad or grumpy." Ouch that hurts. So hmmm why is my question well, I began to see why as I began reading Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge. It's funny I'm supposed to be reading this book for my kids and find myself reading it for them and me at the same time. Will my biological womb ever accept that she was selfish in her reasons for giving us up? Will she ever apologize or live in her fog and continue to go to mass everyday fighting for forgiveness with her god? Will my anger subside? Can I really send her a letter telling her what I feel? Am I being selfish too? Can me dealing with whom I'm angry with be good for my little ones as well?
I'm in the process of writing a letter to her. I'll write one to my Dad (He died when I was 3 and loved me very much) Why did she not let him raise me, maybe he would not have died. Sounds crazy I know but one never knows. Do I share the pictures of my kids bio families with them? They are 9 and 10 (11 in Jan). My oldest son is a step adoption and he still has very limited contact with her. Can it be good for them to know at their ages information about where they came from? Is there an in person adoptee support group in N. California, I mean Sacramento to Chico Northern Ca.? Any input is welcome and in advance I appreciate everyones help. I'm glad I'm not alone in this mess!  Please help Gavriela  
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Adoption Reunion Information
Reunion Websites
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#2
12-11-2008, 10:04 PM
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Gavriela...
Quote:
__________________
 ~~Raven~~What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900) 
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#3
12-11-2008, 10:22 PM
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Gavriela, what I've found so far that might be what you're looking for is the Post Adoption Center for Education & Research, better known as PACER.
It appears from info I found at their website that there are two groups in the Sacramento area that you might be interested in: one is a triad support group and one is an adoptee-only support group. Here's the info I found: Triad Support Group: Sacramento Triad Last Tuesdays of the month, (6:30-8:30 p.m.) Trinity Cathedral 2620 Capitol Ave., Sacramento, CA Contact: Linda Orozco, (916) 359-6777 or Edie Andrade, (916) 653-8347 sactriad@pacer-adoption.org (subject line in email should read: "Your Support Group".) Adoptee-Only Support Group: Sacramento Adoptee Second Tuesdays of the month, (6:30-8:30 p.m.) Kat, 916/204-5489 Carmichael, CA sacadoptee@pacer-adoption.org (subject line in email should read: "Your Support Group".) The website address is PACER Support Groups in Northern California Hope that helps a bit. P.S. I'm going to continue searching for other groups closer to home for you. I'm wondering if Marysville or Yuba City have any. If not, maybe it's time for us to start one...
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~~Raven~~What does not kill me, makes me stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888, German Philosopher (1844-1900) Last edited by RavenSong : 12-11-2008 at 10:25 PM.
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#4
12-11-2008, 10:24 PM
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Raven,
Thank you so much. Chico, Marysville or Yuba City would be great. I'm in Quincy. Gavriela
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#5
12-11-2008, 10:32 PM
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I would like to say that i think its great that you admit your anger and true feelings...i know i jump from anger to sadness instantly and have no reason for it...so you're not alone at all with that...
i have pretty much no experience with dealing with adoption and i don't know how good this advice is but as an adoptee...i am grateful that my afamily never hid anything about my adoption from me...maybe because i'm korean and they are irish and italian haha...if i could have wished for one thing...i would have wished that we spoke more about it and more openly so that maybe i would feel more comfortable talking about it with others and expressing my heartache over the entire situation...i don't feel comfortable looking up my file or talking about adoption...i make jokes and just change the subject...your children are you but also not so young...children are not stupid...you may find it easier to share it with them so that you keep things open and up to them...you don't want them to feel as if you tried to protect them and kept things from them...i don't mean to sound overbearing at all..i'm just giving you my opinion and hope i didn't offend you...best of luck to you...
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Not flesh of my flesh Not bone of my bone But still miraculously my own never forget not even for a minute that you were born not under my heart but in it best thing my amom ever gave me
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#6
12-11-2008, 10:44 PM
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Thank you, No not overbearing at all. It's funny I hate when my BWOMB (anger speaking) hides info from me. So I will remember that my babies want to know and share what is relavant (sp) at the time. My desire is not to cause further pain. They were four and six when they came into my life.
Gavriela Last edited by Gavriela : 12-11-2008 at 11:03 PM.
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