[Brdmc3]

Well I have not been on here in a while. Alot of things have went on in the past month or so that have kept me busy both good and bad. But anyways after contact with my father this August we have decided to meet next week. I knew this day was coming as we had talked about it but its just closer then I expected.

I dont really know what I am afraid of. I guess I just am afraid of things getting complicated. I dont know what I want or expect from him. I am afraid that he will be dissappointed in who I am.

What do we talk about?
Do I hug him when I meet him or is that to much?
After dinner where do we go since we are not going to have a home in the city we will be in?
Do we go to dinner somewhere isolated because it may be somewhat emotional?
What if he is dissapointed in the way I am or the way I look?
Do I discuss meeting up in the future?
Do I bring up the DNA test he discussed when we first began talking? (as much as I am afraid of that I do want to know for sure that he is my father)
Do I ask about his kids and if he plans on telling them about me and if I will ever have the opportunity to meet them?

I guess overall I have high anxiety right now over this. I am afraid of I dont know what, maybe myself. Do other people go through this or is everyone just ultra excited for meeting? Dont get me wrong I am excited but I am also scared out of my mind. I know it sounds crazy, but something just scares me of meeting a biological parent for the first time.

[jrainbow]

First of all, congratulations on your reunion. It is a very exciting time. Next, just breathe. You are totally normal ... everyone freaks out a little with the 1st f2f meeting.

It was just a year ago, I had my first f2f with my bdad. I was just as freaked out as you. When he called and said what do you think about me coming to see you, I was very excited. And then turned around, I need to remodel, lose 20 lbs, and buy new clothes all in the next week. Fortunately for me, I couldn't remake me in a week so I met him as I was - and it was more than ok with him. I had the first night all planned from the moment he got off the plane to when I dropped him off at the hotel after dinner - including all conversations, timing, break times, etc. And, none of it happened the way I planned.

My advice is to plan all you want in advance so that you feel comfortable - and then go with your gut. You will know how best how to handle things and what to bring up. We did hug ... but that wasn't in the plan. I followed his lead. And it was incredible. I had small talk all planned until halfway thru dinner (after 2 drinks ) and right after he got in the car, he asked me what my "burning question" was. I told him it was how he felt when I was born and did he ever think of me afterward. He talked for 45 min - going back in time - all while I was driving and the beginnings of dinner. It was marvelous - but certainly blew my small talk out the window.

It sounds like you will both be traveling - my bdad came to my hometown. But after dinner, I dropped him off at the hotel and I went home. We both needed some time to process everything. So it might not be a question of what to do after dinner or it might be really easy to just go to another place to talk. I do think it is probably good to have some plans in place - at least in your mind - so that you feel in control. Also, have friends/family on call so that if you need to call them you can. But keep flexible, and try to go with the flow.

My biggest fear was that he wouldn't be honest with me about what he was feeling and try to tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. My only ground rule and the only thing that went as I planned was that he be honest - even if he thought it would hurt me. I think he was as nervous and freaked out as me - he was the last person off the plane and he always sits at the front. And I think he was thrown for a loop on how he felt and how emotional everything was. I had already had my f2f with bmom - and, although it was totally different, I wasn't surprised that it was so emotional.

My son told me that he admired my courage for reaching out during my reunion. I had never thought that meeting/getting to know my bparents was courageous but he was right. It takes a lot of courage to step out in faith - and that is what you are doing.

Don't worry - this is the beginning of the relationship - not everything has to be brought up in the first few minutes. So take it easy and listen to your gut. It will be great. Good luck and be sure and come back and let us know how it all went.

Jill

[Dickons]

Congrats!

Come up with a list of things you like, types of books, fav movies, things you watch on tv, sports etc. If there is an awkward moment, ask a question or tell him your likes...things will then go back to normal.

You are his child, he wants to meet you, you are a good person - don't go the negative route - choose to go the positive route - you are his blood.

Do bring up the dna test - it is very accurate between a parent and child and will remove any question in both of your minds.

And take a camera!

Enjoy every second,
Dickons

[jympmw1]

Originally Posted by Dickons

Congrats!

Come up with a list of things you like, types of books, fav movies, things you watch on tv, sports etc. If there is an awkward moment, ask a question or tell him your likes...things will then go back to normal.

You are his child, he wants to meet you, you are a good person - don't go the negative route - choose to go the positive route - you are his blood.

Do bring up the dna test - it is very accurate between a parent and child and will remove any question in both of your minds.

And take a camera!

Enjoy every second,
Dickons

you'll be fine just go slow.enjoy and ask the questions that you want answers to. have a great reunion.What a great xmas present.

[bflymc]

Originally Posted by Brdmc3

Well I have not been on here in a while. Alot of things have went on in the past month or so that have kept me busy both good and bad. But anyways after contact with my father this August we have decided to meet next week. I knew this day was coming as we had talked about it but its just closer then I expected.

I dont really know what I am afraid of. I guess I just am afraid of things getting complicated. I dont know what I want or expect from him. I am afraid that he will be dissappointed in who I am.

What do we talk about?
Do I hug him when I meet him or is that to much?
After dinner where do we go since we are not going to have a home in the city we will be in?
Do we go to dinner somewhere isolated because it may be somewhat emotional?
What if he is dissapointed in the way I am or the way I look?
Do I discuss meeting up in the future?
Do I bring up the DNA test he discussed when we first began talking? (as much as I am afraid of that I do want to know for sure that he is my father)
Do I ask about his kids and if he plans on telling them about me and if I will ever have the opportunity to meet them?

I guess overall I have high anxiety right now over this. I am afraid of I dont know what, maybe myself. Do other people go through this or is everyone just ultra excited for meeting? Dont get me wrong I am excited but I am also scared out of my mind. I know it sounds crazy, but something just scares me of meeting a biological parent for the first time.

I don't have any advice because I won't meet my bmom until right before christmas for the first time.
But please, keep us updated to tell how everything went! Also, I made need some advice from you after your meeting!!

[cetalley]

I have no real advice for you, but do have some thoughts....as I am a Firstmom. I am 47 yrs old, I relinquished twin sons, whom would now be 22 yrs.old. If and when I get to meet them...the last thing I will have concern over is their weight, tattoos,hair style, piercings, and so on so forth. I have a 29 yr old son, and have always respected his own taste and personal styles. I do however EXPECT them to just be theirselves...I want honesty, I want to see they are happy...thats it, I do not want them to pretend or do things to fit in with me...I don't! So please do not worry so much, be the wonderful person you are each day. My son is a hugger, as am I , but if I do not feel like huggung...I just don't offer it. If you feel in that moment you could use a hug ...do it...if not don't. Go enjoy and take this journey slow...1 day at a time. Blessings..C.J.

[Brdmc3]

its today!

[lglysson]

Let us know all about it!!! I wish you all the best!
Blessings!

[cetalley]

I send much LUCK, HUGS,AND SOME MAGICAL FAIRY DUST. Fairy dust contains secret powerful mystic ingredients...it will give you all your heart seeks! Be just yourself and all will be fine...i promise!

[snuffie]

Oh, I am so excited for you! I have had a f2f with my bsiblings. I was as nervous as could be. I fussed over what to wear, what I would say etc. When some of them drove up in my brother's SUV to pick me and my husband up from the motel, all of that flew out of the window!

Some families are huggers, some aren't. My brothers picked me up in the air and hugged me and welcomed me to the family! You'll "know" when you meet them if they want to hug or not.

I agree that some "down" time should be figured in. I needed time to just think about all that was happening and enjoy every minute of it. And I was emotionally exhausted.

Best wishes on a wonderful reunion!

Snuffie