[lynn0614]

Just curious, do any of you have an issue with not looking like the rest of your family? It seems like almost every time I see a child with their parents I see the parent in the child. I was recently told by a child that she looks so much like one of her parents. It is so hard to look in the mirror and not see past myself. So many people take pride in the fact that their children look like them. Not so long ago one of my coworkers said that her hands look more like her mother's hands every day. I then looked at my hands and thought, WOW, this goes no farther than my hands. Any thoughts? I also wonder how adoptive parents feel about the fact that their children don't have some of their same features.

[stinky_kitty]

Before I met my first mother years ago that was my biggest thing. I remember as I got older I would always search crowds like at the mall and such for people that looked like me.

Then I met my first mother and found that I am her spitting image.

It wasn't really the fact that I didn't look like my aparents that bothered me per se, it was more that I didn't know who I looked like.

[txrnr]

It can be rather annoying. I saw pictures of my cousins recently and it struck me that they looked a lot like my Dad, and I wondered if I looked like anyone.

[SWGAgirl]

Yes. I always wished that I could see someone who looked like me or had similar features. That was one of the most intriguing things about meeting my b-mom and seeing family pictures b/c I finally shared features and resembled other people!

It's easy to take that for granted- looking like someone- and that sense of belonging it carries with it. But I know how it feels to yearn for that- to look like someone.

Every so often I'll be with my mom or dad, and someone will say- you look so much alike (we don't -AT ALL)- and both of us just stand there and smile and just don't say anything or we just say Thank you.

[BrockBaby]

I liked the fact that I didn't look like my aparents. It made me feel more like I was my own person. But I always longed to look like someone. I look NOTHING like my bmom. Those people in my life who have me her said that they would NEVER EVER think she gave birth to me. Of course, this bothers my bmom, because she'd always make comments about how she didn't think i'd be blonde...how much I look like my bdad, and how she would never have pictured me to look like I do...

I am suppose to look like my bdad's cousin.....that's what they all say..however, she is 62 years old....and i'm 32, and I haven't seen pictures of her when she was my age.

Someday, I would like to have a child that looked like me....but then why would I wish that on a child!? LOL

[LMNGambino]

My a family is Italian- dark and short- even all my cousins looked like that, lol. I was a fair skinned almost reddish haired kid who was 5"8 in the 6th grade!
I sort of stuck out like a sore thumb.
My a parents always said how much I looked like them- I would just scratch my head and then think something was wrong with my eyes.
I couldn't wait to have kids- to finally see someone who looked like me. Unfortunately, my kids did not look like me or my husband, so I was left wondering again!!
Now that Im in reuinion, I now who know who I look like, and it is the neatest feelng in the world. My kids look almost identical to my siblings kids.

[cksmom]

yes! growing up people always said I looked just like my amom. I don't except for same hair color. I was so excited to have kids to have someone that finally look like me. When my kids were little, they look just like their dad. Now as my daughter matures (she's almost 16) she is looking more like me and I couldn't be more happy. As far as my bfamily. I have only seen my bmom's senior yearbook pics, a pic from her 40 year HS reunion and my 1/2 sister. there is a resemblance but nothing shattering. I wish I could see them all in person. hopefully someday.

[bflymc]

People say I look like my amom but I don't see it.
I haven't met my bmom yet (34 more days lol) but from pics we look similar but it wasn't like "wow!" like I hoped it would be.
I guess I look like my father...

[jalapeno]

Originally Posted by lynn0614

I also wonder how adoptive parents feel about the fact that their children don't have some of their same features.

As an adoptive parent . . .
"Similar features" didn't even register on the list of why I wanted to be a parent. Unfortunately, I've never met or seen photos of anyone in my kids' birthfamily. I do wonder what they look like. My DD and DS are bio siblings to each other. And I was surprised that it really took my breath away when I met my son. He looks so much like our daughter. I am thrilled that they share that with each other. But only because I think it may mean something to them. (My bio son looks nothing like me either!)

[lovemy2boys]

As an amom, it doesn't bother me that my boys don't have my features...

In fact, to touch upon what Brock said, I actually LIKE that they aren't little images of DH and I because all notions of who they are "supposed" to look and act like are out of the picture, and we can enjoy them for who they are and not who we think they should be...

The funny thing is, my boys each look like versions of both of there firstparents (open adoptions, so there's no "not knowing"). And the firstparents "argue" over who the kids look like more...Their firstdads think they look like them, and their firstmoms disagree and think they look like THEM.

So even though we have no preconceived notions, their firstparents do...

[newjoy]

I am adopted and i did think a lot about what it would be like to look like someone. My amom and I don't look at all alike. It was funny sometimes people would say we looked alike and we'd looked at each other like "who are they talking about". People also would say my abrother and I look alike, but we are both blonde so i think it was that more than anything. But looking like someone was something I did always want and God granted that b/c my son looks a lot like me. He may change over the years, but our baby pictures look so much alike. It's kind of neat and I guess unless it's something you're missing no one would know what that feels like. I do remember there always being a distinction between Bio vs adopted kids in the family and when discussions of who looks like who would happen I would feel kind of "different".

[buslady8]

I grew up looking like my a-dad. Everyone commented on how much I looked like him....LOL I now have two daugthers (bio) and a stay-young (adopt) child. Everyone says how much they all look like me. I have never really though what it will be like to look like her butI must as much as they look like me.

[LMNGambino]

Originally Posted by buslady8

I grew up looking like my a-dad. Everyone commented on how much I looked like him....LOL I now have two daugthers (bio) and a stay-young (adopt) child. Everyone says how much they all look like me. I have never really though what it will be like to look like her butI must as much as they look like me.

What is a "stay-young" child? Ive never heard that term, lol.

[loveajax]

My husband (who was adopted in the 60s, has not met any birth relatives) really wanted to have a bio child to have that one "link" in the world. Honestly, I couldn't understand it (I think you take it for granted if you are raised by your bio family). In any event, we have adopted and we hear all the time how much DD looks like me....personally I think it is because I resemble (somewhat) her birth mom. I am glad that we know DD's birth parents so she will always know where she gets her looks, some of her talents, etc. It must be hard to "wonder" (as my DH still has to).

[wrgamom]

YES! It bothered me a lot growing up. All my afamily is TALL and I am short, very short (but not as short as my bmom, it turns out). It was always very obvious that my abrother and I did not fit in the family. Thankfully, my abrother and I resembled each other enough in coloring and stature so that helped somewhat. When my children were born, I longed to look like them and it was hard to explain to my husband my strong longing to look like somebody.

The irony is that I look so much like my bmom it is freaky. We were told last week that we even walk and talk alike. I don't necessarily see that, but we do look a lot alike.