[soccercmh]

Hi all -
I'm finishing my undergraduate and my parents are throwing a graduation party in a couple of months. I met my bmom a few years ago and she has met my immediate family, but this is going to be the first occasion where she would meet all of my extended family and friends (assuming she comes). I know it's just another person to join in on the fun, but I'm not sure what to expect. My family all knows I've met her, but that's about it. Friends of the family that will be there don't know. My college friends...some know, some don't.

Anyone else been through something similar? Not necessarily just a graduation party, obviously...but any time where a birth parent met your family and friends? How did it go? How do you handle introductions, particularly with people who don't know I'm adopted? Just make something up? haha. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable either. There probably won't be more than 30 people there, so I would imagine introductions with people who don't know are unavoidable. Speaking of her being uncomfortable, do you think she would appreciate it if I told her should could bring a guest? Besides me it will be basically all people she doesn't know...

[LMNGambino]

Wow! I think it's great. Maybe she would be more comfortable if she had a friend come with her, just so she can chat with them if she felt uncomfortable at all. But- from the sounds of it, it doesnt sound like she will.

Is there some way you could let the other guests know the situation beforehand, that way it wouldn't be so surprising to them? I think people will be thrilled.

What a great story & congrats on your upcoming graduation!

[zxczxcasdasd]

I would definitely offer for her to bring a guest. It could be great, but you need to be free to mingle with all your family and friends and she will not know anyone but you, having a companion will make likely her feel a little more at ease. And I also would not make it a "surprise" to anyone coming. In fact, I might even lay some ground rules down for family members and close friends, like:

1. Please be sure to say hi and try to engage in at least a short conversation at some point (some people may be tempted to avoid just because they don't know what they should do)
2. It will not be the time or place to place to ask probing or personal questions
3. Keep the conversation about the present, not predicting the future or rehashing the past.

[JustPeachy]

I would try to give people a "head's up" that your birthmother will be a guest, and definitely give her the option of bringing a guest. Some people are find in a crowd even if they don't know anyone well. Others would want someone there. So giving her that option would be great.

[cetalley]

Soccercmh, I think you are fretting too much, your Firstmom is coming to celebrate something her child has worked hard at accomplishing. It is a definate yes..to have her bring a guest, just to be her rock so-to-speak. I am a firstmom,yet to reunite, but if it were her ,I would not be concentrating on anything other than my childs accomplishments, and being proud that after all the pain of having to relinquish you, maybe...just maybe...there is some sort of contentment and/or light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I hope I have not lost you with my opinion, I guess what I am saying, is she probably isn't even worrying over all you are projecting. She feels proud and honored to be there. Good Luck...I have a feeling, from the way you speak, your family and friends are compassionate and kind enough to treat her as a friend and someone who is important to you....

[soccercmh]

It looks like the consensus is I should definitely offer her the option of bringing a guest along.

I think my family will be ok. I will for sure tell them ahead of time that she'll be there if she decides to come. There were some mixed reactions about me meeting her, so that's why I do have a little concern in the back of my mind. But they're nice people, I'm not too worried. With one exception....and I didn't even think of it until after I wrote my first post... My dad's mom does not know I have met my bmom, and she's one to say something horrible. If anyone has seen the grandma on the show Malcolm in the Middle, you have an idea of what she's like . She's notorious for making a scene. I would like to avoid that if at all possible!

[akcskye]

Another thing to think about when inviting her to bring a guest...

It will take SO much burden off of you, as well!

If you are the only one she knows, when she is uncomfortable, and she WILL be at first, you won't be able to shake her, which will make you feel like you're stuck in the middle of having to entertain her as well as make the other guests who have come to your party be entertained.

I've been in this spot when I've been a host, and some of the people only knew me, and it is SO hard...so definitely...invite her to bring a guest, or TWO!

[LMNGambino]

Originally Posted by soccercmh

It looks like the consensus is I should definitely offer her the option of bringing a guest along.

I think my family will be ok. I will for sure tell them ahead of time that she'll be there if she decides to come. There were some mixed reactions about me meeting her, so that's why I do have a little concern in the back of my mind. But they're nice people, I'm not too worried. With one exception....and I didn't even think of it until after I wrote my first post... My dad's mom does not know I have met my bmom, and she's one to say something horrible. If anyone has seen the grandma on the show Malcolm in the Middle, you have an idea of what she's like . She's notorious for making a scene. I would like to avoid that if at all possible!

OMG! My dad's mom was the same way. Always making drama!! Give your n mom a picture of her and tell her to avoid her...or better yet, put grandma on a Bingo Bus for the day, lol.

[soccercmh]

Originally Posted by LMNGambino

OMG! Give your n mom a picture of her and tell her to avoid her...or better yet, put grandma on a Bingo Bus for the day, lol.

Ha! Excellent ideas...

[sammyhas3]

I have been where your Birthmom might be if she attends. Last May my Birthdaughter was married. I had met her adad and stepmom they are wonderfull people...... Her amom on the other had is a different story. Amom didnt want us ( her full brothers & birthdad) attending. Knowing it was daughters day and she wanted us to be their we all travled 2000 miles knowing it may be stressfull. For the most part it was wonderfull but we did have lots of pointing fingers and whispers. Having my family with me helped alot and knowing daughter wanted us made it easer. Just tell your mom if she comes to just remember to breath and enjoy the moment..... She is there because YOU want her to be and who cares what any one eles thinks ....... BTW congradulations

[zxczxcasdasd]

I would put a close family member that you trust on "grandma duty" - keeping an eye on her and being on alert *just in case* a situation needs diffusing or if she starts running off at the mouth. I would also speak with your grandmother in advance and let her know that you respect her right to disagree with your decision but you ask for your sake that she behave politely at the party. We've had to do this before and it's been fine.