[LMNGambino]

I have a friend who thinks I should contact my attorney & have her write a letter to my bio sibs and explain the situation, detailing all the stats, and enclosing copies of my hospital birth records, etc. Enclosed would be a separate envelope with a letter from me, along with my contact info, medical history, and pictures of myself and my daughters. He thinks the letter should be sent registered mail with signature confirmation & receipt.

He thinks this would be best, since he feels the bmom & 1/2 bro's wife are going to accuse me of harassment. I know I am not guilty of harassment. I have talked to my bmom 10 times in 22 years, for Cripe's sake, and 2 facebook replies to the sil do NOT constitute harassment.

What do you guys think about this? Or, do you think is it best for me to do it myself? I know...there aren't any "rules" in this game....



Linda
ps- on a happy note, I have written a new about this situation! Im a stand up comic, and most of my material comes from the painful stuff in my life. I think if I ever make a CD, Im going to call it, "Hey, brother, can ya spare a kidney?"

[Dickons]

It may be a good idea to talk to a lawyer about how the law works, and if that is a good option to avoid any harrasment lawsuits - justified or not.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[BrandyHagz]

It has been my experience that those who don't want to know the truth will not become enlightened to the truth when presented with the facts. More often than not, they've made up their mind and no amount of factual information is going to persuade them to see the light. If you are hoping to create a relationship with these folks, then I don’t know that putting forth the effort is going to be worth the return…as I said, people often don’t ‘switch sides’. However, if you’re just hoping to present the facts, without any preconceived expectations – a sort of ‘whatever happens, happens’ type situation – then you’ve got nothing to lose.

Set your expectations to a realistic level. Don’t set yourself up for more heartache and pain. Don’t continue to put yourself in a position to accept their verbal (even written) abuse.

[hrisme]

Personally, I wouldn't include all that information off hand. My gut instinct is that would be overwhelming & come across as you trying to prove yourself and your place in the family, not just make contact if they are willing. I think I'd go with a simple letter, maybe a few photos, and your medical history--since that is an important piece in your situation. I think they'd have an extremely difficult time getting a harassment charge to stick, especially if you only send one letter. Sending it register mail is a great idea. Just my .02 though.

[bakerjw]

I agree with hrisme. If word has gotten spread through the family by you bmother and the 1/2 brothers wife, then there is bound to be some resistance. It's like trying to gain the confidence of a timid animal. Coming on strong will scare it away.

If I were to send a registered letter, I'd give some time for things to settle down before sending one to your bsiblings. I would try to keep it very low key and explain why it is important to adoptees such as us to meet those that we are biologically related to as we don't share the traits or mannerisms of our adopted families. Just don;t force things and hopefully things will turn out well.

Best wishes.

[LMNGambino]

Thanks. I agree, I do not want to be too forceful or come on too strong. I think I will meet with my attorney just to let her know that sil has accused me of harassment, and give my lawyer the facebook correspondence.

I am in the "let's just see what happens" mode. How could I possibly be hopeful after this? Judging from the contact from the sil & bmom, Im sure they are going to circle the wagons, so to speak, and Im sure they will do what they can to sabotage any relationships that could develop. I am prepared for any outcome.

That being said, I wont let them have power over me, nor will I allow them to manipulate me with their guilt, or allow them to diminish my needs.

I want to wait til the new year, but my overactive, and at times, paranoid imagination is yelling at me to do it now. I just have to keep telling myself that any negative statements they could make about me and my need to make contact will be proven wrong if my sibs decide to make contact with me after I send them a registered letter.

Thanks again!
Linda

[neilsmum]

hi im a bmum and i would talk to them as they are your family. No your not harassing. Registered is good so you do get their signature. go for it and good luck. No one knows how things will turn out but ive neveer regretted getting in contact.

[BlackSheep]

I agree with the others about coming on appearing too strong, meeting with your lawyer and also the registered letter/return receipt requested, but, since they have tried to accuse you of harassment (your sil anyway) I would even take it a step further. I would ask if the lawyer would act as the intermediary so that you aren't directly communicating with the bsibs until they open up the line of communication. If a third party is involved, it would be harder for anyone to accuse you of harassment. Ask the lawyer to include the information in your letter about medical history, etc in her letter to your bsibs and then wait and see what happens. Being both an adoptee and bmom, I can say that is much easier said than done, but I will pray that you can get some sort of an answer to help put your heart at peace.