[xcammiex]

Hello there. I am a first mother. I am currently fighting a coerced/fraudulent adoption of my son. My question is, if it turns out that I don't get him back, how do you think he would feel? Do you think he would be angry? Would the fact that I fought for him at least let him know that I did love him and want him? Any feedback would be great. Thank you all very much.

[carolynppk]

I think it would, for myself ONLY, matter about how it was fraud or coerced. For myself ONLY, I would be upset if my mom changed her mind and went back for me ( I realize that is not what happened with you, but some my paint it that way with your child.) I think it all depends on the circumstance. Without knowing more, I really can't say. Some here would say they would be hurt and angry you didn't fight for them, others would be upset that you did. No one can predict what your child will feel.

That being said, I am terribly sorry that someone coerced you into giving up your baby. There are great birthmoms here that can give you a lot of support, as are many adoptees also. This is a wonderful place to share, educate and grieve. I wish you luck.

Carolyn

[vicrose]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. As an adoptee, I would be more angry at the adoptive parents that knew that the birthmother was fighting fo her chilld, and they did not return the child. I was adopted when birthmother's had little or no rights, and it makes me disgusted when I see people in this day and age taking advantage of birthmother's.
I will pray for you. God Bless You.

[ProspectiveSingleMom]

I'm not an adoptee, so I'm just guessing, but I would think a big part of it would depend on what the child's relationship with aparents was like. If he has a good relationship with aparents and doesn't want to believe anything bad about them, then he might be upset by the information and feel forced to choose between you and aparents.

[carolynppk]

I just read your story on another post. WOW!!! That is horrible, I cannot believe someone would lie like that and not be in trouble with the law.

I think in that situation, as the child, I would be happy to know you fought for me, to a certain degree. I don't know, there is no easy answer. Part of me would want you to fight, part of me would want you to .....I don't know. I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is horrible!!! Either way, this child is going to be scarred, being taken away from what he knows to be his parents, but then if they were part of all of this, great parents. My heart is breaking.

I think you have to follow what is in your heart. If you don't fight and give your best, you'll always regret it. You'll know when (and if) it is time to give up/let go. My prayers are with you. This is something that should never happen and the biggest loser is the child. I am SOOOO sorry for your loss and what you have been through. Words cannot express my sympathies.

Carolyn

[goldeneagle]

I'm so happy that my bparents wanted me even though the sitution prevent them from keeping me. I have had a good life however I contacted one of my bparents and have now started to build a relationship. It is difficult because he is so over whelmed and has still so much love for me. I am working on the relationship as I feel he deserves that he cared and it was never his faultxxxxx

[txrnr]

You defintiely got raked over. No doubt about it. Of course, we can only guess how your child will feel, and most of us here are adults with all the wisdom and experience that comes with it. It's hard to guess how a child would feel. I think it hinges on how close and bonded your child is with the adoptive parents. Love is love, and security is important. Knowing you fought for him I would think may make him feel good, but it could also make you a scary person if he is happy. Kids don't think about right, wrong, and fairness like we do. Most of them think about how things will affect them.

I am so sorry because this is a horrible situation for you.

[EZ2Luv]

All I can say , I read your story and these people should be held accountable for the severe injustice done to you. As an adoptee, I would be happy if I knew my bmom wanted me enough to fight for me, however if I were bonded and well loved by my aparents and was sure they had nothing to do with the scam, I wouldn't be mad at them either.
My big problem with these situations is the long term affects on the baby/child of being taken from the only parents they have ever know(aparents). These cases take so very long and are dragged through the courts that it would be a double whammy on the baby to be pulled again. First ripped from their bmom , going through that trauma and then once again taken from the aparents. Tough call.

Please understand I wish your baby was with you so it isn't that I am choosing aparents over bmom. I am just concerned for baby who is the innocent victim here.

May I ask if the aparents were aware of this or in on it? or why they feel they shouldn't have to give you your baby back? Do you know if the agency is telling them not to? I could never keep a baby knowing that his bmom wanted him. It is selfish and cruel and criminal IMHO. This is why I am asking what if any information they are being fed.

Let's not forget that agencies get paid from PAPs and APs so they are going to side with them. It is so very sad. I will certainly keep you in my prayers.
I have to say, I work with drug addicts and have never ever heard a story like yours. Even at the clinic I work at if a drug screen appears iffy we give the patient a second test and make no decisions until the results are in.

This is such a horrible situation no matter how you look at it. I know of real drug addicts with histories of drug abuse that have been given the benefit of a second test to confirm findings before any measures have been taken.

EZ

[EZ2Luv]

I just had a chance to read the other thread(the longer one) and see that some people are questioning this story. The ONLY reason I can think of something like this getting so out of control is, if the Bmom had a history of drug abuse and by the tim`e the second drug screen was taken all drugs were out of her system. Just because a Bmom tests positive and then negative does not mean that the baby is going to automatically test positive. Again, this story is so out there in that if all the facts supported the Bmom she would have her baby back before finalization. I right now really have no idea why this happened. I know that there are many unethical things that can and do happen in adoption.

EZ

[paigeturner]

The way I understand what is being told is that this childs mother was told she'd tested positive not that she HAD tested positive. According to her story the sw told her that she had to complete her adoption plan or the child would go to foster care. This all happened while the mother was still in the hospital and under the influence of medication.

I hope that clarifies.

[wishfulthinker]

I'm confused...Where's the other thread?