[epenn922]

My bmom and her horrible husband were on NY Channel 2 news last night saying how my deceased bdad raped her numerous times and since I contacted her 10 years ago, it's been the worst 10 years of her life.

What I got out of it was she was able to get thru these alleged numerous rapes, the pregnancy, the childbirth, and giving me away. It was MY attempt at communicating with her that sent her into a tailspin for 10 years.

Last night was the first time I ever saw her. She looks anorexic and I wouldn't have been able to pick her out of a line-up. I've never met her, her horrible husband or my two sisters. I've never even seen them.

This is her 3rd story. First, on my adoption papers, there was one sexual contact. Next, it was a rape. Now, it was numerous rapes. I don't understand. He didn't live with her or even in her neighborhood. When they dated, he was already out of high school, so they weren't in school together. How did he attack her numerous times?

Her and her horrible husband are trying to block a law saying we should have access to our original birth records. The bmoms have the option of keeping their name off. AND, I found her without my original anyway, so what gives?

Instead of traipsing in front of the news camera, it looked like she should've been running to rehab.

Elaine

[clarie]

Elaine...i am new to this and trying to learn how to face current possible rejection from by bgrandma...by reading peoples posts it is teaching me alot! I clicked on your post about your bmum's TV appearance and then checked all your posts over the years....and i am SIMPLY HORRIFIED.
Firstly, i want to tell you that you should never have to be put through any of what you are going through...you have not done anything wrong to this woman EVER. Secondly, i want to say how much i admire you and respect your ongoing strength. Thirdly, thank you for teaching me so much in 20 minutes...like to think of myself as a fast learner, but this is something else lol.

Your bmother...sorry to say...is a very disturbed and selfish woman. It seems ironic that she tried to hide her pregnancy with you for so long and than seems to think it necessary to go on TV....i am so sorry your bdad is no longer here to reply to these potentially slanderous accusations...and i am so sorry that in your search for your truths that you have been left with so many more questions than when you started...i am sure that is not easy to cope with and not what you were looking for.

I am sure that your bmum suffered mentally and emotionally with a pregnancy at a young age...and that her giving you for adoption would have greatly affected her.....but her actions since then are simply SHAMEFUL. I suspect that it is easier for her mental state to allow herself to start believing she was raped...maybe she finds this easier to cope with the consequences of her actions...undoubtably somewhat more acceptable to her husband. Whether she is being manipulated by her husband or vice versa who knows....but their behaviour is simply vicious and disgraceful...what part did you play in this apart from being born....they should not be behaving this way....for their own good let alone anything else.

everyone has choices every day and as we get older we should start making the right ones....shouldn't we??

On this forum, I was asked why i seek the things i do ....that question helped me alot...i never thought about why, but now i know i just need clarification which is natural. I think we all do....Elaine, your bmom has not given this to you....but i think you have given yourself alot. I know you didn't get all the answers and that instead you have found yourself in the center of a nightmare...i really can feel your pain...and i feel strongly for you...but you are amazingly strong...you express with such clarity your anger, your confusion, your contempt, your patience and impatience, your strength, your weakness, your humour ...and your doubts and uncertainties you express so genuinely and tentatively that i just want to hug you for the amazingly strong person you are.

I hope everyday you find the things in YOUR life make you happy.

Clare xx

[keds]

Elaine, I'm speechless, which takes quite a bit. As a bmom I'm embarassed. Take care you.

[Oceans]

Elaine, I'm speechless, which takes quite a bit. As a bmom I'm embarassed. Take care you.

Ditto - That's horrible!!! (((HUGS)))

[dpen6]

Epenn,

I remember your story from years ago...its still going on??? Why is so called this horribly traumitized person on tv anyway? You said she looks anorexic...something is telling methat this whole thing is being instigated by her husband, who maybe can't handle the fact his wife, ie possession had a child and it has nothing to do with him..really ticks him off. Maybe some emotional abuse going on there?

I am really sorry you have made to feel like the rapist(if that really happened) also. Its so not right. What is wrong with people!

Donna

[Dickons]

I'm so sorry, words are not enough. Even as an incredibly strong person this would be tough, and it's hard to always be strong when someone (who should be the adult) is just so WRONG to have done this to you.

Kindest regards,
Dickons

[alynp]

You are obviously very strong and brave. What a loss for her.

Stay strong - Power of Intentions by Dyer is a great book for building personal strength.

All the best to you.

[mariarippy]

I am sad for this situation. My first response would be to hug you. You obviously care for your mom's health and seeing her on TV wasn't at all helpful. Maybe if praying helps you, do that. I hang on to hope my mom detatches herself/myself from bad feelings. Until this happens I imagine most reunions are sour. God love you and forget the mess. Hope for positive future...life is short...

[epenn922]

Here's the link to the news story. If it doesn't come up automatically, type in 'adoption' in the video search. The date was 3/10/08.

wcbstv.com - Video Library


Elaine

[ocracoke]

Thank you for sharing the link. The clip worked for me. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. As an adoptee and an adoptive mom I sincerely hope this bill passes. People who don't want contact can say so but right now those who do want contact have no voice.

Samantha

[Jackiejdajda]

epenn922

What I got out of it was she was able to get thru these alleged numerous rapes, the pregnancy, the childbirth, and giving me away. It was MY attempt at communicating with her that sent her into a tailspin for 10 years.

She goes from keeping secrets to telling the world about multiple rapes..
I think she is being used.. Used by secret keepers..

How can anyone expect to be protected from thier own life..

Jackie

[lahdh4]

Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda

epenn922


She goes from keeping secrets to telling the world about multiple rapes..
I think she is being used.. Used by secret keepers..

How can anyone expect to be protected from thier own life..

Jackie

so true Jackie.

It is really sad that the voices that need to be heard may never be.

[alynp]

I am floored by the slanted view of that broadcast. Even though they mention another side (those parents wanting contact) they never include adoptees!

I can't imagine how it must feel to have your birth mother on tv making these horrible claims. I hope your life is filled with all of the love you deserve. I bet you are a real gift to those around you.

[Oceans]

This made me angry. Blaming you for her being outed to her husband?? And this has ruined the past 10 years??? Holy moly... that doesn't speak well of her husband does it? So much for his love and understanding...

When I hear stories like this I think it's ironic. First of all, she was found without the benefit of open records. Secondly, opening records would give firstmoms a way to ensure their confidentiality and if that trust were violated, they would probably have recourse - at least civilly.

I don't believe that by opening records, there will be a "rush" of adopted persons deciding that NOW they should seek contact. That's a personal journey. It only makes it easier for the adopted persons who are actively searching and will probably have success someday, regardless...

Sorry about the soapbox but I am angry at your Mom for doing this to you. I'm having a hard time feeling sorry for her right now.

WOW - I feel such a need to apologize to you as a birthmom...(((Hugs)))

[dnapstp133]

Elaine I am terribly sorry. You know it is such a play on emotions, and although it is an emotional thing - we simply want to know as well. I had terrible experiences when I was young from my adoptive family (they dont know the rest of them), and so it can go either way...
I hope you find all the support you need. Especially may NY open its records..