[Tina29]

Well at least i figured out how to post a thread I have been reading a bit of the threads. Quite frankly i am a bit scared now. I grew up not knowing anything about myself,always feeling like i was on the outside looking in. To this day that hasn't changed and i wonder if even finding out some information on my bfamily would help. I don't know why it is so hard. Wasn't adoption supposed to be to our benefit? Wasn't it supposed to make our lives better because I think (not know) my life might have been better the other way around. I'm greatful to be alive don't get me wrong and i appreciate my adopted family raising me. I feel guilty for wanting more. I just can't help it I don't know anything not What hospital,time,etc. Sorry i had to vent now onto the real reason for the post. If i decide to go forward with my curiosity quest where do i start? I know so very very little about anything regarding the adoption. My parents are very tightlipped about it. So as i have always felt before i am on my own and up to the task. I just need a little help from someone. Mostly to not feel crazy

[txrnr]

You are definitely not crazy, at least by anyones standards here.

I would start by finding out how to go about getting non-id information. I was adopted in IN., so I sent off to the state, and got some very basic information back, such as weight, time of birth, age of birthmom, city born in (which wasn't a given, the agency told my parents it was within a 50 mile radius of this city) etc... Not much, but still, things I had never known! I then requested the same info from the agency that handled my adoption and I got a TON of info from there.

I don't know when or where you were adopted from, or your family, but it is possible your parents don't have much to share with you. Many closed adoptions were very closed, and in some cases, families given false information.

Curiosity is understandable. I think everyone on this board no matter their position in the triad gets that. Reunion is a tough emotional thing, and you may want to think about if you really want that, and are ready to head down that road. In my opinion, it's not worth traveling just because I am curious. There are far too many other peoples lives involved that will be disrupted. Now, if you're willing to have a relationship, even if they don't fit the fantasy, then my thoughts change. (and for the record, I'm not there yet. I have all the info, but have not made contact)

Good luck, and I know you will find all sorts of comfort and support here.

[maybaby101]

Hi Tina...
This is my very first time on this web site. I am just feeling like I really need some support. I was reading a few of the postings and yours stood out to me. My adoption was the same. I dont know anything about my adoption. All I have is a folder with a few pictures of me, and a case number with a first name that they gave me. I too dont know where to start. I do know that I need somekind of support and to be able to talk to somebody that can understand. I am 43 years old and I think that I'm finally realizing the effects that my being adopted has on me and I never new it. I always figured that it didnt bother me, but reading other stories and information about being an adoptee, has really brought certain things to my attention. Expecially now that both of my adoptive parents have passed away, and I really dont have any other family now, except for my son. I really feel alone. Well , I hope you will get this and I hope to hear from you.
Take care, Linda

[RainStorm]

Where were you born? That could be a start.
I’d collect any information you know and put it in a folder, even if it’s just a little. You might approcach your parents once more they might very well have some information to help you.

Do you know at all surnames of a birthparents?

[lynn0614]

Tina,

I know what it is like to look in the mirror and wonder. It still makes me cry to today and I know where I come from. Yes, our families provided us opportunities that we probably wouldn't have had with the person who had us, but it doesn't mean we don't wonder. I used to ask questions and my mom would cringe. I never wanted to hurt her, but I also felt denied a part of myself. When I was 21 she begrudgingly gave me a box with photos and I started receiving cards and letters from the birth family. She knew I wanted to know and so she searched for the woman who birthed me. I knew it was hard for her, but I explained that first, I wasn't a child who was going to run away to my "real" family. Second, I deserved to know about myself. I explained that I didn't want to hurt her, but I wanted to just know for myself. I told her that I loved my family, but had some unanswered questions, that most people take for granted. Once she realized I wasn't going anywhere I think she relaxed a bit. After I met the woman who birthed me, my mom met her. I'll tell you, meeting her was a relief, in that I could look at someone, but she is so cold and almost dead inside. She has been so hardened by life that she didn't want me to touch her. I still feel like I'm missing something. It is almost 10 years later and I heard someone comment the other day that their hands look like their mothers and I looked at my hands, got angry, and started to cry. Nothing will fix it, but at least putting a face and energy to it, along with being able to ask a few questions helped. I think if you let your mom know what it means to you and that your intention is not to replace your family, but to find out more about yourself, something that those not in this situation, at times take for granted, maybe she'll understand. Maybe if you tell her that you'd like her help in searching and her support in finding this information, she will be open. Maybe if you invite her to share the experience with you...she is probably terrified that you might have feelings toward this other person. I always say that birthing a person doesn't make one a mother, it is taking care of them, and staying up with them when they are sick; it is sticking with them through the tough stuff. Our moms are our moms because they love and support us, because they saved us. I really hope this helps some. Good luck!

[lynn0614]

You may want to check with the state's Child Welfare Board or Department of Children and Families. If, by any chance, you were a part of the Department, they are obligated to give you certain information should you request it. It may be a start.

My opinion is only mine, but I'll tell you, I did wait a bit once I received certain information, but I realized that one or both of the people could die before I was able to connect, so I decided to get on and do it. Whatever is meant to be though is what will be.

[Jackiejdajda]

Tina29

Wasn't adoption supposed to be to our benefit? Wasn't it supposed to make our lives better because I think (not know) my life might have been better the other way around

A woman gets pregnant.. and said woman/girl knows she can not care for the baby.. all sorts of reasons.. and the baby needs care and all that stuff..
I think this is the basic reason a woman relinquishes..
It was mine when I relinquished..

It comes from necessity..

Save the baby that you can not care for..



maybaby101

All I have is a folder with a few pictures of me, and a case number with a first name that they gave me. I too dont know where to start.

I say a journal.. write down everything you learn.. and think of this as a quest.. a journey to yourself.. Lots of info on the net.. google..

Jackie