[Tina29]

I am new here and since i started thinking about going to school and found out i could get a scholorship just for being adopted i started asking questions to my amom. Now mind you she and i haven't always had the best relationship at all. I always thought that my father wanted to adopt me. Because she never really bonded with me and then the marriage fell apart and i never saw my dad again. Ever since the divorce her true feelings for me came out even moreso when she had bchildren of her own. I felt like cinderella no lie she even told me i was adopted in a mean way when i was young. Anyway i am not crying about it i just wanted to give some background on my question. When talking to her recently about obtaining proof i was adopted she told me she doesn't remember anything about it not even where she adopted me from. She knows it was human services but not what city. Anywho she then proceeds to tell me that i was not given up rather taken away because my "bipolar mother tried to kill me by suffocating me" My question is do i believe her or try to find out on my own if this is true? If it is what then? I never expected the fairy tale (only half true) but to find out that i don't know i just wish i knew the truth but am afraid to find out if that makes any sense

[Jackiejdajda]

Tina I am so sorry you are having a difficult life..

My first thought is you should find the truth yourself..

Jackie

[BrockBaby]

Tina...I am so sorry that you are being treated like that from your amom, that's horrible. I, agree, though that you need to find the truth out for yourself. As an adoptee, I can assume that you are already "bothered" by what MIGHT be true....which may be VERY far from the truth...or it might be the truth. However, not KNOWING if it is or isn't can be worse then the truth. At least when you know the truth you can begin to process it and continue to move forward with your life. I am a reunited adoptee and my reunion was NOTHING like I expected...and things I found were not at all what I thought or wanted....BUT...it is what it is...and the fact that I KNOW the truth, I can start my process of healing and moving forward rather then being stuck in the what ifs......just my thoughts...Good luck dear!!

[Tina29]

Thank you both very much. I don't feel bad for what i went through because it made me who i am today. I'll put it this way i have been on my own since 17 and have improved because i had noone else to depend on. What is awful is that she is going through hell with her own because well they were spoiled. I love her so much though and just try to make her proud. I mean it could be worse right. I think you are right the not knowing bothers me alot. I know nothing not my weight length time i was born who i look like and worse if mental illness is prevelent in my family. Anywho I think i will start the search its not like she can suffocate me now if it is true.

[Jackiejdajda]

Bipolar is a disease I respect.. It must be terrible when the medications are not right..
I have corresponded with people that have it and one man was good enough to tell me about how bad it can get.. insane thinking etc..

So no.. she can not smother you.. and you seem so very strong..

Jackie

[smallflower2]

I think you should find out for yourself what the truth is. If you don't, that piece of the puzzle will never be put in it's place. Some times that piece is hard to put in it's place but, it is a piece that we, as adoptee's, must have to complete our puzzle of life. If that makes any sense.

[Tina29]

Thank you all so much. Yes it does make sense it makes perfect sense. Now all i have to do is find out where to start that's the hard part

[Nicole28]

Tina - just curious...what scholarships are available to adopted persons? I didn't even know those existed? Do you mind sharing? I'm graduating this weekend and thankfully do not have any loans, but had I known there was money available for being an adoptee, I would have jumped at the chance to take advantage of it!

[Tina29]

I don't know much about it myself. I did however see something about it on this site i believe i will do some more research and post it on here. I think too you can talk to the financial aid people and they should know about it and what proof u require

[Nicole28]

I graduate from college tomorrow, so it's a bit late for that - but when I was a senior in high school and applying for scholarships I never came across any money being offered to adoptees...and I looked high and low and asked that question specifically when I spoke with my guidance counselor and admissions personnel!

I don't know what "proof" a college would ask for to show that you are adopted...unless an amended BC would count. I mean, I can't imagine a college demanding legal court docs from the adoption finalization or something like that.

Good luck.

[lovestohappen]

A Bit of information , I have found is that children in British Columbia , Canada , and possibly other areas of Canada who were originally wards of the government are entitled to post secondary funding. As many adoptees may have been former foster children in care, it may be that it also transfers with them after adoption. You will need to find out what state or province you were in at time of adoption.

[Nicole28]

Just for kicks, I made a profile on a popular website that links students in HS and college to scholarships, and they don't even include a place for you to include pertinent information - like being adopted - within your profile.

When I do a Google search I only see scholarships available for students who were at one time in foster care or a ward of the state and were subsequently adopted.

I also found that NJ seems to be the only state that advertises scholarship money for adoptees.

[rainmon]

Tina29, your a-mom seems very cruel and vindictive
she may have made up this whole story or not be telling the whole truth in some way or another. she seems like she is going out of her way to be cruel...
I would not believe it at this point. she sounds like she is so very hateful, just don't believe anything she says until you know the facts for sure.
maybe that is why your a-dad has stayed away and not looked back....maybe her scornful ways has run him off....have you thought of contacting "him" ...he may be able to tell you the truth about where you came from...he may have more details...I think I would start there, since you remember him being kind, he may be willing to help you. just don't tell your
a-mom anything about it or she may run him off again.

[RavenSong]

I'm pretty sure the Texas state college system is awarding full scholarships for kids who are adopted. But I'm not sure if the scholarships are retroactive, or if they only apply to children adopted since the new law was passed.

[Nicole28]

WOW. If I would have been eligible for a scholarship because I was adopted, that would have been an amazing gift to my parents, who paid out of pocket for my college education - not one single loan. I was lucky, of course, to graduate [it will be past tense in like 12 hours...I have not technically graduated yet haha] without loans.