[alynp]

I'm reading something and my wheels are spinning...

Adoptees:
How have your relations been with your extended afamily members? How do they compare to your relations with your imediate afamily?

I have lots of cousins on both sides of my afamily. I don't talk to any of them and haven't since the days when our parents used to have family gatherings together (under 15 years old). In fact, I just recalled that when I had a bridal shower not a single one showed up.

How about you?

[megmagruder]

I have many cousins on both sides. All live in the north and I am in TX. Several came to both my wedding and my brothers. In our extended family I never felt my being adopted had anything to do with my relationships. I wish I saw them more, but we keep up via e-mail.

Actually I do not think of my family as my afamily, but my family. I realize this may not be PC now, but it was how I was raised. Biological Parents and my parents not Birth Mom and Adopted Mom... I have great respect for my biological parents for giving me the oppertunity to have the full and secure life I have had, I would enjoy meeting them and telling them THANK YOU!

[loveis]

Funny I've seen my bcousins more since I met them 6 months ago than I have my acousins in the past 5 years I think. I am not close with them at all. I am not close with any of my extended afamily really at all. I guess when we were kids we saw them more but as adults we don't keep in contact. I sent a birthday card to my baunt a couple of months ago and I told her it was the first birthday card that I have ever sent an aunt or uncle!

I guess not feeling connected as an adoptee as I do really shows when it comes to extended family and even immediate family. I love my brothers but feel no real connection to them. On the other hand in the short 6 months I have known my bmom and her family I feel huge connections. It's pretty surreal!

So I hear you, I am in the same boat. I hope to form better relationships with my extended bfamily.

[txrnr]

I am not particularly close with my cousins at this point either, but I don't think it has anything to do with being adopted. I'm the only girl, I live in TX while they're in IN.

When we do get together every few years, we have a great time. We just live different lives. We do email a bit. My brother, also adopted, keeps in much better touch with everyone!

[Jackalope43]

I have gotten closer to my birth cousins then I am to my adoptive cousins. We email and get together when we can. I live on one side of the state and they live on the other but we have gotten together 3 times in the last year. I love them all! but do regret I didn't get to know them my entire life. I feel like I fit in and just marvel when I look at them. Finally someone that has the same DNA!

[ocracoke]

The older I get the closer I get to my extended adoptive family. I live in the south and they live in the north eat or mid west and I try to see them all at least once a year. All my b extended family rejected me for fear that I was like my bmom.

Samantha

[Sniffles]

I am close to my cousins, well as close as we can be considering we live far apart. The only b-family I have met have been my grandparents so I have not had the chance to form a relationship with anyone else.

[JPDakota]

I have a bazillion cousins on my Dad's side and we're all pretty much a close knit bunch. At one point 5 of us sat first chair on different instruments in the high school band. Even when we were little we played music together every Sunday after Mass at Grandma's. Now days we see each other, talk on the phone, get together on a regular basis. In fact, in the small home town where we all used to live, it is pretty much a party anytime a few of us are in town at the same time. Last year we moved to a city where, you guessed it, I have cousins! On my Mother's side my cousins are almost as old as Mother. Her closest brother was 16 years older than her. They are spread all over the country, so we don't see them much.
None of it has ever had anything to do with being adopted.

[mariarippy]

Originally Posted by alynp

I'm reading something and my wheels are spinning...

Adoptees:
How have your relations been with your extended afamily members? How do they compare to your relations with your imediate afamily?


How about you?

My aparents adopted me very late in their life. They adopted me at the age cut off(45). They are both permanent resident aliens from the Netherlands. My afamily cousins are much older and across the pond. I only had my eight year older abrother as I grew up. My abrother doesn't communicate. I emailed regularly for a long time. He called on my birthday a few times since I've had children and promises to keep in communication.
I regularly(three times a week, sometimes more) communicate with my aparents by phone asking about my abrother, his kids, and them. I also tell them about milestones with our four kids. We live many miles apart.
My immediate family sits together for dinnertime everyday, we do chores, and homework etc...I imagine I do more each day with my kids for school/reading than my aparents did for me since neither of them had a full handle on the English language. I learned most of my English from TV and my abrother before Kindergarten. I learned Dutch from them and spoke dutch with my abrother too. I went to California kindergarten realizing most people didn't understand Dutch. That was a big shocker. My kids are much more advanced socially at their ages than I was...i find myself "old fashioned" writing that... ah well...

[alynp]

Thank you for these responses - and I hope they keep coming in. I appreciate that I can get an "adoption reality check" for myself here.

[BrockBaby]

Growing up, my dad was an only child, so I had "distant" cousins..but we weren't close. However, on my mom's side there were five grandkids....one coming when the rest of us were in middle school and lived down south...but I was extremely close to my two cousins that lived near me. (the other cousin's parents were divorced, so I didn't see him as much) I am still close with my cousins, but they have moved down south as well...but it is always a GREAT time when we are together. I was just talking to my cousin last night on the phone and I am planning on going down to visit them this spring/summer sometime. Adoption had nothing to do with the way my cousins and I felt about each other. I didn't even know if my one cousin knew I was adopted, till this past Nov. when I was visiting her.

As for my bfam. I feel very close to one cousin on my bdad's side. Actually it's my bdad's cousin, but they were basically raised together, so his other kids (the kept ones) and my baunts kids all call her "aunt d". Which she has asked me to do as well. She is the one person I feel a total connection with. The neat thing...I look JUST like her! I could pass for her daughter. We haven' t met because she's in CA and I'm a Buckeye. But we are planning to meet this summer or fall.

I also am close with a second cousin from my bmoms side. She is actually the first person from the bfam that I made contact with and met. We see each other often.

[LisaMarie88]

I have a very large extended family. I am closer with my cousins than with my immediate afamily. They are more like friends than family, its strange. But I am glad I have them around.

[snuffie]

I have acousins I haven't even met! My adad had 12 brothers and sisters and he was one of the youngest. So some of my cousins on his side were grown up when I was born. I was closer to acousins on my amom's side but even though we don't live too far from each other - we rarely can connect. Life has gotten in the way.

I am close to one of my 5 bcousins. The others in that family don't want contact at all.

[strawberryfields]

My adoptive dad does not have any siblings, but my adoptive mother has a sister and she is married with two sons (one is my age, one is four years younger). We are very close, more like friends than like cousins.

My birthmother has a sister, who has five children and i have met them and we have had lots of fun. My late birthfather had nine siblings and all of them had children, but my birthmother and my birthsiblings are not very close to this family and we never meet.

[mariarippy]

They both have large families. Many natural aunts and uncles cousins... most of whom i've met. Large and everyone soo apart and all over the place not one "took" to me more than my mom's mom and mom's sisters. I mostly focus on keeping touch with my younger half siblings... the step children along with taking care of my immediate family of six.
My natural grandmothers both a few years older than my aparents. So i felt right at home with them at our first, second, and third meetings. They became incorporated into my young adult life. One passed away. So only have one grandmother 86 i think she is now. She hasn't mailed and or communicated for many years. At my brother's funeral(2005) I saw her agian. She is warm, loving, and hard of hearing.