[UniqueWeirdo]

So in NC a new law is they have what is called Confidential Intermediary Service. They can contact the birth parents and let them know I am searching, If they want to make contact we can both agree if not they can provide medical updates and so on. You have to be 21 for this. I am 19 I'll be 20 in May. The only way to do it is to ask my amom to file for it for me. I dont know how to ask her to help. I didnt tell her I wanted to find my bmom. I just told her about the medical records. So I dont know how to say... hey mom I wanna find out who my bmom is so can u help me??? I think it would hurt her and I dont wanna do that.. not at all.. she is my mom n will always be. But I just want to see because I dont look like her... I'm an only child but I know I have siblings out there somewhere.. and I've been longing to know that... What do I say???

[Emily358]

If you really feel that your amom would be hurt (mine would, I know) by the request, have you considered waiting a year unti you're 21?

I was found, and found before I was ready, so I can't put myself in your shoes, but you might want to weigh the benefits of doing it a year earlier vs. the possible hurt to your amom.

It's one thing to tell her later that you're going to look up your bparents, but it's another thing to ask for her help.

Then again, I know that we (adoptees) are the only ones who haven't had any control of the situation, so I can see why you'd want to move forward and learn where you came from.

There's no easy answer...

[txrnr]

My parents are all for my searching, in fact they are the ones that brought it up, but I was older than you. It may be that your Mom thinks you aren't ready to talk about it, or that at your age, she doesn't want you to think she's pushing you to look.

Do some research so you can tell her (and show her) that it has nothing to do with how you were raised, or your relationship with her. Chances are, she's thought about this too, and may have no idea how to approach you.

Good luck!

[UniqueWeirdo]

I guess its sort of strange because she is the "quiet to herself" type.. If I never found the papers. She would've never told me. She never told me anything, not that I had foster parents for a few months, not my bname, nothing until I went looking. I don't live with her now. I'm on my own, and I do everything for myself... I just think medically she should've said something. She told my Drs. I wasn't adopted or anything. Recently I totalled my car, and I could've been seriously hurt and when it comes time for her to give blood, a kidney, anything she wouldn't be able to help.
When I was 16 I asked her about my adoption and then she asked if thats why I hated her. I dont hate her at all I just don't understand. We never had a close bond, but that is because we are two very different people. I've been an only child all my life. Being that my bmom was 17.. I might have brothers and sisters you know. I just dont know how to tell my amom that I want to look, or at least get medical info. I just dont know...
I just feel like I waited 9 years to search. I'm on my own, I'm an adult so why not start to look. I laid in bed night after night from 11 and on and wondered.. Just wondered... now I want to know...