[Blessed2x.]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

Who came?

Did you bring gifts? What?

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

[jrainbow]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

With Birthmom
Where did you meet? We met at the airport in her hometown. We live across the country from each other. I came in Wed and left Sat. about 1 month after we met on the phone.

Who came? Only bmom and the angel (a good friend of hers) who had found me. I'm so glad the other person was there so we have pictures of that first meeting. She has no other children or husband so that wasn't an issue.

Did you bring gifts? What? I did bring a gift - a Willow tree angel "Keepsake" - Kept forever in the heart.

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?
I was so nervous - until we hugged. That was the most amazing part. The time just flew but I think it was the right amount of time. I got to meet a lot of people that are close to her so that I have faces to names for the future and that was good. The only thing I would change is I wish we had more pictures - neither of us is very good at that.

It was absolutely the most incredible emotional experience.

[jrainbow]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

With Birthdad
Where did you meet? At the airport in my hometown - about 6 months later. We live across the country from each other. He came in for the weekend.

Who came? Just he and I (so no pictures of the event)

Did you bring gifts? What? I brought an "Its a girl" cigar. We exchanged pictures and he brought World Series shirts for me and my 2 grown kids. (He is a big baseball fan) Very casual and low key.

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?
I was very nervous until we hugged. That was the most amazing thing. Since I was the hostess this time, I had the whole first evening planned but nothing went the way I planned it. He talked and talked and we immediately got into some of the deep stuff. We hadn't talked on the phone as much as bmom and I had before we met. We went to church together at the church I grew up in (both very active in same religion- so very touching) Again, the only thing I wish is that I had more pictures of the event.

It was absolutely the most incredible emotional experience.

Have a great time - and enjoy your first f2f.
Jill

[hrisme]

Where did you meet?

We met at the state mental hospital, where my birthmother was a resident. She had been there on and off since before my birth. I was 20 at the time.

Who came?

I brought the social worker who had helped me with the search and acted as my intermediary, and she brought an intern (she worked for DCFS). My birthmother's counselor at the hospital was also present.

Did you bring gifts? What?

I didn't bring any gifts. I had copied several pages from my baby book that I intended to give her, but my car overheated in the parking lot of a gas station & the social worker had to pick me up and take me to the hospital--I was so wound up I completely forgot to grab the papers. She gave me a small back pack with toiletries and several small figurines. On our second meeting she gave me a doll (my social worker says this is the #1 gift she has seen reunited birthmothers give their daughters).

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

Overall, I think the visit went as well as can be expected. I don't think there is any way to fully prepare a 20-year-old to meet her birthmother, who has schizophrenia, at the state mental hospital! I really think my social worker did a great job at trying to prepare me.

One interesting thing, for me, was my lack of ability to initiate physical contact. I am not great with physical contact as it is. It took the social worker physically placing our hands together ("to see how they compare" she said) to get me to actually make contact.

In hindsight, it would have been nice if I had been more in touch with my feelings about being adopted prior to the meeting. Then again, I don't think I was able to get in touch with those feelings until after the reunion. When we left the building the social worker said something along the lines of, "You know, if it was me that was adopted I would be angry that I had been lied to all of those years", and even the intern expressed some relatively strong feelings about the meeting. Me? I was completely emotionless. I think I was treating it more like a research assignment than a family reunion.

The best part of the meeting, for me, was one brief moment where I actually felt that my birthmother was fully coherent. She looked me in the eyes and said, "You're okay. I never knew if you were okay." For me, that made the search worth it, even if it wasn't the "happily ever after" reunion portrayed in the media. She deserved to know that I was okay. I was thankful I could give her that. Her assurances that she had tried desperately to keep me also gave me some peace later on, when I was able to accept that (it was several months after the meeting before I reached that point).

[Oceans]

She looked me in the eyes and said, "You're okay. I never knew if you were okay."

OMGosh!! That just made me cry - I think it made me happy for your mom. Oh my, I think I feel alot about that. I am sorry your reunion was so bittersweet.

[alynp]

Originally Posted by Blessed2x.

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

Who came?

Did you bring gifts? What?

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

Bmom
McDonald's Parking Lot (I don't even eat fast food and neither does she:-)
Just me and her.
No gifts, other than the gift of each other. It was all we needed that day :-)


If you are in reunion please take some time to complete my survey below for reunited adoptees!

[chris1965]

My first meeting with my bmom was at her sister's house. When I rang the door bell, there my bmom appeared behind the glass storm door. But it wouldn't open and my bmom fiddled with the handle nervously as she tried to get it open while I stood outside looking in at her. She had to pause and smile at me. Then the door finally came open and she met me with a big hug. I was a little nervous and reserved but she was very relaxed and outgoing through our entire visit. I didn't bring a gift but she had one for me: a set of small keys in a wooden gift box that she said symbolized the barrier between us had been now been unlocked. I thought that was very thoughtful. We had a very good visit and chatted like old friends. I was amused she was only 5ft tall with an olive complexion, as I'm almost 6ft and very fair. But we certainly looked alike.

After we visited for about an hour, me, her, and my bmom's sister and her husband drove over and met the woman who my bmom stayed with while she was preg with me. Then we came back to my baunt's house and me and bmom went out for an ice cream before I left. We both ordered pumpkin (it was Fall and a seasonal flavor). We talked for another hour or so then I drove her back to her sister's. Bmom lives about 6 hours away and was leaving the next morning.

As far as first F2Fs go, I feel mine was very good. I tried not to pepper her with too many questions and her glib demeaner helped keep our visit enjoyably upbeat. The only akward moment came when I asked her if she had thought of a name for me and that really put her on the spot as she admited she never had. But we changed the subject and moved on. We left exchanging email address and hoping to meet again soon.

Chris

[belleinblue1978]

My only face to face was with one of my older brothers. We met at restaurant where he lived and my boyfriend at the times parents lived. Besides me and my brother, his wife and youngest daughter were there, as were my boyfriend and his parents. My bf's brother went to school with my brother so they all knew each other.

No presents, we had supper then left bf's parents and went to a park where my brother and I visited.

I haven't heard from him since. My mother has refused contact and my father is dead.

[BlankViolet]

First, i would like to say what a great site this really is. This site allowed my birth mother to find me by information I had posted here.

After she found/contacted me on Facebook, I talked to her on the phone that night. It was awkward to hear someone who had the same voice as me. We decided to meet at a local restaurant, since we live in the same town.

I was very nervous, I sat in my car and watched her walk into the restaurant. We were both shaking and trying not to cry.

We drank coffee and talked for 5 hours. We had both made photo albums for each other. I was amazed at how alike we are. We have similar interest, personality's and look a lot a like. It was about two weeks before my 23rd birthday, and she was very happy to finally be able to give me a present and wish me a happy birthday.

I'm happy to say we've formed a relationship and I talk to her online every few days and we see each other about once a week. I've also formed a relationship with my 12 year old half sister, who I can tell really looks up to me.

This has been one of the happiest things to happen to me. It has answered so many question and given my mother and i both a sense of peace. Adoption.com has made a difference that has meant the world to us. Thank you.

[Jan18]

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

I met my bmom in her home town about 10 hours away from my home town about three months after our first contact. My dd and dh were with me, but that first f2f I went to her house by myself while my dd and dh stayed at the hotel.

Who came?

I was went to my bmom's house. Two or my three younger sisters were there. One was 14 at the time and the other was 18.

Did you bring gifts? What?

I did not bring a gift. Before we met I mailed a photo album of my baby pictures to her. I enclosed a note that hopefully we would be able to fill the album with more memories, together, as time went on. My bmom did have a "gift" for me. She had kept the necklace my father had given to her when they dated for 32 years in hopes to one day give it to me. Man, I cried like a baby when she gave it to me. She also gave me the little bracelet that I wore in the hospital at the time of my birth.

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

Overall it went well. It was really a get to know you time. It was light. We didn't really talk about the tough stuff (that came a year later during another visit). We looked through family albums (incredible to finally see people; several generations of people you look like!). Got to learn some family stories.

Honestly, I don't think I would change anything. My initial reaction when I saw her was shock because she was so darn short. She never grew taller then what my non-identifying info. had said. I just kind of stood there for a few seconds looking at her. I didn't know what to do. She hugged me first. Thankfully, my sisters, for being as young as they were, were really out going and made the whole first meeting easy! They were so cute!!

[shell50]

You are really brave, just contacted bmom at the age of 51 not met yet, how are you?

[Emily358]

Met bdad first:
We never talked on the phone beforehand. I had sent him note. Then he left me a voicemail, and I replied with a letter. He responded with a note inviting me to dinner.

We both came alone--our personalities are a lot alike, including independence. It was weird, but standing outside the restaurant, watching the holiday season crowds rush by as snow gently fell, it was like being in a movie. Suddenly, I was gripped with fear, and I didn't know if I could go through with it. Then, suddenly, peace came over me. I found out later that a close friend was off a bit on when she thought the time I was meeting him was, so she prayed for me a few minutes early--wow.

In spite of not having photos, we recognized each other immediately in the foyer of the restaurant.

We talked for several hours, nonstop. It was amazing to both of us, I think, how comfortable we were with each other. (Of course, it would take several more meetings before we could handle things without drinking--and I am NOT typically a drinker!)

Neither of us brought anything the first time, and I wouldn't change that. 2nd meeting, he brought photos for me to see. 3rd and 4th meeting, I brought copies of photos for him to keep.

At the end, he said it would be fun to see me again. We did, and we have now been close friends for more than 5 years. I wouldn't change a thing about our first meeting.

He definitely understood me, because at the end of our time together, after shaking hands, which somehow just wasn't enough, instead of just grabbing me (which I hate) he opened his arms and let me come to him for a hug.

I am usually so not an emotional-type person, but I can honestly say that at the moment I hugged him, something began healing which I hadn't even known was broken.

BMom:
Far more complicated. She lives across the country, she found me years ago before I was ready, and we had written and talked a ton before we ever met. We had 1 long weekend together on her turf.

I, again, came alone, even though countless people, including my amom!, offered to accompany me.

I don't regret meeting her, and I wish I could stay in touch with some of her relatives. In fact, at times, I miss her and we do email occassionally.

But, something just didn't feel right. I felt like I was in emotional danger or something. I don't know that I'd change anything. I was glad to meet her whole family, and I don't think she could have handled being alone with me much. We were so comfortable in writing and even on the phone, but not in person.

That was several years ago. I don't know if I'll ever see her again.

[doug43223]

Originally Posted by Blessed2x.

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

Who came?

Did you bring gifts? What?

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

Mine went great with my bmom and sister! After just a couple phone calls we met at a Longhorn steakhouse, we both thought we might need a drink during I knew mom as soon as I saw her, as did she recognize me. It was akward at first, but she broke the ice when we were seated and asked to give me a hug, which I wanted. We were both reserved at first and couldnt really eat. We are both shy, but warmed up pretty quick. We drank Margaritas, and about an hour into it my little sister showed up. It was amazing and overwhelming. I knew she was coming before hand. We stayed an hour longer then drove to my sisters house and hung out talking for awhile. No one exchanged any gifts, and I do not regret that, it was perfect the way it was. They did give me a few pictures before I left. 2 days later I introduced my kids to them and that went great too.

We still stay in close contact (just met in January), and I have been to there houses, they have been to mine once. Mom also introduced me to my other 2 sisters from my bfather, and westay in contact too. They look more like me so it was pretty amazing meeting them. I talk to mom at least 2-3 times a week and see her every couple of weeks. My kids really like their new aunt and look up to her a lot. I couldnt be happier and am very thankfull I found them.

I have no regrets and am looking foward to the first mothers day with mom. I wouldnt change a thing about my f2f meeting, or our relationship since. I would recomend watching alcohol intake, it is easy when your neorvous to get carried away. I didnt but was close.

[mariarippy]

Originally Posted by Blessed2x.

Tell about your first face to face meeting

Where did you meet?

Who came?

Did you bring gifts? What?

What went well? What would you change in hindsight?

At Private all girls high school(she gratuated 1974)I was about to graduate June 1992, few days away from my graduation.

We meet in the hallway. My mom met me alone without her family. A day or so later my grandmother and two aunts arrived.

I invited her to my graduation. I did not bring a gift.

She arrived during my graduation practise so I couldn't talk with her immediately.

In hindsight, I would not have invited her to my graduation. My aparents were really uncomfortable.

[alynp]

Is anyone else seeing patterns in these responses? What are you noticing?

Thank you to those who are sharing.