[hrisme]

OK, so I'm listening to the radio this afternoon, and on comes an ad for the agency in this area that serves the predominant religious community (won't name the agency, let's just say I have some issues with them).

The ad has some cute kid naming off a list of high achieving individuals, and then says something along the lines of "Adopted kids can do great things, just look at all of these great people who are adopted" (not word for word, but that was the basic concept).

Anybody else find it annoying that they would imply that these people did great things because they were adopted??? And using these people's achievements as a justification for convincing unwed women (their primary target audience) to place their children for adoption? Especially considering that the first sentence in the adoptee section in their promotional adoption video (shown twice per year in each congregational group) begins with the statement, "If you are adopted, you shouldn't feel different?"

So, we're not supposed to feel different because we're adopted, but it's okay to point out that these people are great even though they're adopted???

Not sure I can communicate exactly what bugged me here. But something really ticked me off. Maybe just my whole sensitivity on the whole adoption promotion thing, but I think it was more that there was something implied I didn't like, just can't put my finger on what that something is!

[BrandyHagz]

One of my biggest frustrations as an adoptee and also as a first mother is the fact that I am constantly told, had I not been adopted or had my daughter not been adopted, I (and she) were 600 times more likely to A) Be gay (uh, huh?) or B) Be a criminal (like an ax murderer...).

Apparently, single (biological) parents sit at the left hand of the Devil or something...

Of course, the zealots who spew this crap grow silent when we start talking about single adoptive parents...

[hrisme]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

One of my biggest frustrations as an adoptee and also as a first mother is the fact that I am constantly told, had I not been adopted or had my daughter not been adopted, I (and she) were 600 times more likely to A) Be gay (uh, huh?) or B) Be a criminal (like an ax murderer...).

Wow, would love to see the empirical study proving those claims!!!

According to the fact sheet produced by this agency/organization...

"Children who are raised by a single parent are five times as likely to be poor, twice as likely to drop out of school, and two to three times more likely as adults to commit crime."

In addition, the positive effects of adoption touted by this agency as proof that adoption is a better option than single parenting include better scores in school and less delinquent behavior than children raised by a single parent, and better health status and higher quality home environment than ALL other children. Man, if adoptees have a better home environment than ALL other children why don't we just place all children whose parents don't meet the criteria for a "higher quality home environment" in adoptive homes???

The facts they draw on in making these statements come from the article Adoption: The Best Option by Patrick F. Fagen, included in the Adoption Factbook III. The Adoption Factbook is written by the National Council for Adoption. Do they REALLY think the studies done by an agency promoting adoption are unbiased????

I haven't had the stomach to read the entire book. Just the title of the article makes me sick. Since when is being torn away from your biological roots with an early traumatic separation the best option??? Just the exerts from the book on Amazon are enough to tick me off.

Wish I actually had the courage to speak out and say something during one of these presentations, or write a letter to this agency, or even to the organization's monthly magazine. Not likely though. I'm still trying to convince my extended family that I'm not "lucky" to have been adopted.

OK, no question now that I'm responding to more than the ad. Think my "angry adoptee" button has been pushed again.

One of the positive things I can say for this organization is that they don't differentiate between single biological parents & single adoptive parents. There is NO way you can adopt through them if you are single, their policy is that all children deserve a two parent family (there are significant reasons for this view point that I won't go into, because it would identify the organization).

I do honestly believe that they are TRYING to do what they think is best, and that the organization was put into place not to make a profit (they actually loose money on adoptions) but to try and solve a social problem and place children in stable, loving homes. I just wish they were more open to input from those whose experiences aren't the "happily ever after" experiences portrayed in their videos and literature!

[BrandyHagz]

Ah.

I figured I knew what organization you were speaking about. Now I know I do

Don't get me started on...nevermind.

[keds]

UGH! Makes me sick. I do know, after spending several terms working for various political groups that you can "spin" the numbers to reflect whatever you want them to so I don't put much stock in "studies".

[RavenSong]

Wait until you see the new television ad promoting adoption from the same agency, I suspect. It shows a young, single woman who's going thru an unplanned pregnancy. The ad says that she's being a great "mother" to her child by deciding to place him with a two-parent family. It then shows the young woman being welcomed into a group of other smiling birthmoms (group counseling, I guess). The sun is shining into the room, and everybody welcomes her with open arms. It makes me nauseated to watch the ad, so I usually leave the room or turn the channel.

[DebsW]

Raven, The ad sounds like brainwashing to me. I wonder at the current tactics/practices that are used now. We all know the past was bad, "forget you had a baby" etc. Makes me wonder what they say in those "counseling sessions". They should let an adoptee give another viewpoint to it.

Debsw

[shadow riderer]

I've just read your post and the description of these advertisements. I'm sitting here with my mouth hanging open in disbelief and surprise. Are they for real?I don't even know what else to say.

I am imagining this organization telling these young unwed mothers, "Yes, this is the right thing for everyone involved. Give us your baby. We will make sure he/she gets a loving home. You can go on with your life knowing you did what was best for the child, and put it all behind you. You can just go on with your life and forget about it.", or something to that effect. Isn't that what they told birthmothers in the 50's, 60's, and 70's? I guess the more things change the more they stay the same? Just amazing.

[Suziebearhugs]

I am very familiar with the "religious" adoption agency your referring to.

Why the big "hype" on the child growing up with a mother and father? You might ask. Because it is based on religious beliefs. It's a religion based agency. Of course they will show evidence of what the statistics have shown to back up their beliefs.

(By the way...I was recently at a (state) foster parent training course that was about the role of fathers in a childs life and it showed very similiar statistics of how important fathers are in a childs life, and when they are not present the higher risk of having sex early,droping out of school, ending up in jail etc, etc,)

This religious adoption agency is also very particular. It only serves married couples of the same faith who have temple reccomends and are living it's religious principles.

Some might not like the message it sends out, but the person looking into adoption has many other options open to them, and if they don't feel comfortable with this agency's beliefs on family than that's fine. They should probably look elsewhere.

[crick]

Maybe they thought it would combat those in society who still believe that adopted children grow up to be the next Charles Manson or Ted Bundy.

I've had some say "you know so and so (insert evil person here) was adopted but I'm sure yours won't be like that". Whatever.

So ya, I can see the issues, and nothing is perfect in an ad but just wonder too if people's misconceptions about adoption is the only thing that ever seems to drive education? kwim? From either side...misconceptions about single moms, firstmoms, adoptees etc.

[keds]

crick, funny you mentioned that. One of my so-called friends in high school, when I returned told me that I may have had the next "serial killer" because I placed him for adoption. I'll never forget that! Why would anyone think that is beyond me. My feeling is people are just ignorant sometimes, plain and simple. As for counselling, I just found out from my parents that they though that I had attended counselling - what really happened was the SW took me to a coffee shop and made me read pamphlets while she talked to her friends. I had no idea I was supposed to be in counselling. No wonder my parents thought I didn't have any issues with adoption!