[Sniffles]

I know that my b-mom does not want to meet me because she has not told her daughter about me. It took me awhile to understand that she was not rejecting me, how could she, she doesn't know me. I do know that she was curious enough to look at my myspace page three times in one night, so I am holding out a little bit of hope that she will come around. I also had it a little easier because me grandparent did want contact with me and I was able to have some of my questions answered along with photos of my birth family. It will take time to get over the pain, but you just need to keep telling yourself that she is not rejecting me cause she does not know me. (ast least that is what helped with me. )

[vicrose]

Hello,
I have also felt this pain of rejection from my birthmother; and even though it was 5 years ago, the pain still lingers.
Over the years, I have come to realize that this is such a loss for her, because I know that she has probably never received any type of therapy for relinquishing, and I could of really helped her out a lot.
I will always have an open door policy with her, because I do feel that as humans, we sometimes make mistakes by shutting people out of our lives, and I would never do this to her.
I want her to get the help that she needs one day, and hopefully she will, with the help from her family.
As for me, I have also sought out help for my pain with my adoption and rejection.
Hugs for you....B

[spam421]

I am so sorry to read these posts. I am not a birthmom but I have an adopted daughter who is 12. I worry she will be rejected when she turns 21 and trys to find her mom. We have all the records and hope to make it easier for her. My concern is the rejection I have been reading about here. I know it is 9 years away but I guess I can never worry too much. All I can say to the birthmom's and the adoptees is that my heart hurts for everyone involved. It is a wonderful thing for those of us who adopt and at the same time a sadness for others.
I joined this site to help my sister-in-law who is trying to find her birthdaughter. She was forced by her parents and the church (Mormon) to give her child up. She has waited so many years and now we have hopefully found some leads and believe the daughter is looking for her as well.

I hope each of you find some sort of peace, answers and open arms in your search. Remember to always love yourself more than anyone else. Everyone is worth more than they know. Rejection is also a rejection of themselves~there is something that is missing in their heart that does not allow them to accept what is in front of them~because each of you would or could fill in that missing piece if they would let you.

[Dave75402]

I guess I've never understood the desire by some to find their birth parents. I was adopted at 4 months of age and am now 50 years old. I have met some of my birth siblings and we associate. They are all acquanted with my birth mom. (My birth dad is dead and has been for many years). Personally I've just never had the desire to contact her. My adoptive parents are my "real" parents as far as I'm concerned. They not only wanted me but had to jump thru hoops in order to adopt me. I've always felt thats about as "wanted" as you can get. I hold no annomosity towards my natural parents but I certainly have no feelings for them either.

[snuffie]

In my case, I had wonderful aparents who though they are in Heaven now will always be my parents. But I had always wanted more - to know my heritage, my nationality, my health history, to know who I look like. I needed that anchor. I've always been very interested in geneology and needed to find my own. And I really wanted a relationship with my brothers and sisters. In a very special way, I've always felt "connected" to my bmom even before knowing her name. So in my case searching and reuniting was something I HAD to do. It hasn't changed the way I feel about my aparents nor did feeling the need to search diminish that. The two are really very separate issues and that is very difficult for some to understand.

[lisajohn68]

I am a 40year old adoptee who spent much of my life wanting to search for my bmom for all the same reasons adoptees want to search. I finally got the 'nerve up' and this past fall I found my bmom and contacted her through a letter in which I wrote. I gave her all the necessary information on how to contact me and even included a self addressed stamped envelope in which she could use. To date, 6months later I have not heard from her. The feeling of rejection (again) is so painful. I find it hard to understand how a mother could reject her own yet at the same time I understand she has a family that may not know of my existance. I feel that as an adoptee I am the one who always needs to be accepting, understanding and thankful of my situation (adoption) and the situation of my bmom. Anybody have any suggestions on how to ease the feeling of rejection?

[mariarippy]

I'm sorry for your situation. I was in contact with my mom for about 13 years before she decided to shut it down. I introduced her to my kids as Gramma each time we got together thats how she signed her cards to them. Three years have gone by...and nothing.

She really doesn't care. I've asked for her to respond and how much it would mean to me.

I only have continued email contact with my sister(half sister).

The hurt doesn't change...we get through.

[Katey_Lee]

There are all sorts of speculations that can be made as to why someone might not want to meet thier birthchild or birthparent for that matter. My mother had an adoptee friend who had sought out to find her birth mother and then chose not to make contact because she was wealthy and did not want to be taken advantage of. Her birthmother had become wealthy as well and had not made contact for the same reasons. It took them another 10 years before giving in and now they both laugh about it. Of coarse there are other family members that might be an obvious consideration. Some birthmothers may just feel that they had closed that chapter in thier lives and moved on and dont want to reopen old hurts. Who knows. What can you do but go on without them. After all, you made it this far. Best of wishes to you and I hope you find a way to be at peace and not let her reaction be as personal as it feels.

[dpen6]

Wow rejection must be tough. I was not rejected by bmother but have not found birthfather but I know that if I did it wouldn't just be about the rejection. It would be about the knowledge that birthfamily holds regarding ME! I understand you wanting just a picture or something that can tell you about your biology...thats where the adoptee stands alone. As much as a birthfamily member may be hurt with rejection they still have the most basic information about themselves, we as aoptees are at the mercy of birthfamilies emotions....just for a sliver of basic information regarding our biology given to us by birthparents, who think its ok to withhold based upon their emotionms...it is enough to make one really angry.