[gr8fuladoptee]

What do you all think of the term "Forever Family"? I wonder who conjured that up. Sometimes I'm ok with it and then other times I'm not. There's no guarantee that it will be a forever family. Am I right?

[txrnr]

I've only heard that in pet adoption, and in that case, I'm all for it.

It doesn't bother me.

[lilraskels]

Forever family a great thought. It is giving a chlild a family forever and some of the kids in foster care have never had that. To have a forever family is a wonderful experience. Nothing in life is forever! If we went based on not guarantee that nothing is forever then we would not do anything in life. Such as adopt, get married, work for retirement. No one knows how long we have so.... why not enjoy it while it last?
It is a matter of really giving something that they can call thier own where it is forever or not well like I said nothing is forever.

[BrandyHagz]

(Boy, I'm gonna stir up a hornets nest here...)

I see it sort of the same way I guess adoptive parents see "natural mother" or "first mother"...in that, they say that using Natural for a birth parent is like saying they are unnatural or using first, makes them second.

So, using that method of thinking...if the adoptive family is the 'forever family' does that make the birth family the 'never family'?

Synonym for forever (adv) - antonym for forever (adv) - Thesaurus - MSN Encarta

I don't think it bothers me one way or the other...I don't use it for my family (I'm adopted) and my daughters family doesn't use it for her (she's adopted) - so it really has no impact on me.

[TxMom65]

My daughter was 8 when we adopted her last year. The SW's used the term often to help her feel secure here. AFter a few months we stopped using it. The more secure she feels, the less we need to remind her that she's not going anywhere. I always thought it was a little cheesy.
I never really thought about it in relation to her first family. We have a closed adoption except for visits with her brother.

[belleinblue1978]

I don't like it and don't use it, but I guess if it works for others that's fine, just don't use it face to face with me referencing my family or my son's family.

[RavenSong]

Does anybody know if the term "Forever Family" as applied to adoption came out of the Latter Day Saints (Mormons)? When I was a kid, I lived in Brigham City, Utah, for a year while my stepdad was in Vietnam. I remember that friends of mine who were Mormon talked about "Forever Families". It had something to do with sealing family members together for all of eternity or something.

I never heard the phrase applied to adoption until I joined the forums here. I don't like the implications if it means all eternity. The one thing that kept me sane while my son was growing up (closed adoption era) was the idea that I would see him again one day in the afterlife....

[KarenInCa]

I think in some cases, the term Forever Family is very empowering for children. Many children have been moved from home to home before being adopted. And others, as in our case, the child was abandoned and left somewhere to be found...Then, taken care of in an orphanage until their aparents can unite with them. Our daughter was in an orphanage for almost 17 months, and was placed there at 4 days old. So, to tell her now that we are her forever family is probably the healthiest thing we can tell her.
I really wouldn't care what I was called. But for her, I can't help but think that it would make her feel secure and safe.

[RavenSong]

Karen, thank you for posting the info about the use of "Forever Families". I can definitely see how it would make a foster-to-adopt child feel much more secure in his or her new family. I can see where kids would be afraid they'll be moved once again to another foster home, and how "Forever Family" would be empowering to them.

[JPDakota]

I don't know. I guess if it helps kids feel more secure then its a good thing. I never use it personally as an adoptee or an adoptive parent. I kind of agree with Brandy in that it may seem to diminish someone's role. Of course, I think the term "triad" does the same thing, but that's another topic. And this political correctness expectation has gotten way out of hand in my opinion.
So, again, if it helps the little ones at a really vulnerable point in their lives, then that's fine with me.

[Emily358]

Like someone said above, I've only seen it in the context of adopting pets. There they are at the pet store on adoption day, with a sign that says, "I'm waiting for my forever home."

As an adopted person, reading that makes me want to cry for them--and grateful that I didn't have to wait for mine when I was a baby!

[gr8fuladoptee]

Ok, I understand better how the term is used to comfort children and help them feel secure. I don't know, I guess I'm just a skeptic and should be more optimistic.

[crick]

I think it's like any other term out there for adoption or anything else really. We have a ton of them and no single term fits every single family. So use the one you like for yourself and your family and respect that others may not use them for themselves.

I simply cannot keep up with the list of terms, titles, qualifications, x=y but I =z except when I'm u then u=w!

I'm just going to start calling everyone the green giants of life. And oh...no offense to the purple power people.

[loveajax]

I can see your point, Brandy, too.

I think it's so "kitschy" and I don't use it. (but dd also was adopted at birth and i can understand the comfort it may give children).

[ManyTimesBlessed]

I wanted to chime in and agree with those who talked about how comforting it is for older adopted children to know that the family they are in is a "forever family", meaning they will not be moved again. My children are all very concerned that we will suddenly disappear just like their birth families did (this is the child's perspective, that just one day these important people were gone). Hearing words like "forever" help them to understand that this is permanent. They can start to relax and not worry so much that we will disappear like all the others.

I imagine that for children adopted at birth, there may not be such a need for them to be told that they will stay with their adoptive families. But for kids who are old enough to remember being moved and having various caregivers fade away, they need to know that THIS family is forever.

I also don't see that a forever family has to just mean adoptive parents and their children. I consider several members of our extended family to be part of my kids' forever family. I will tell my kids that their birth families are always their family too. They just have another family (ours) that they live with now. They will stay with us forever, but the birth families will always be in their hearts and ours.