[doriaw]

Hi all!
I am a 33 yr old adoptee. I was found in an orphanage in Tegucigalpa Honduras. My Adopted mom & dad brought me home when I was almost 1 yr old.
I am hispanic, and the family that adopted me is white. They were told that they could not have children and found me. 3 years later..........their doctors were wrong......my adopted sister was born. We've had our share of ups & downs. Life has been great.
Now forward to 33 yrs..........I am a wife, a mother of 2 beautiful girls.
I always question.........who am I? What does my birth mom look like. For some reason......I've never wondered what my birth dad is like. Is that horrible? These are things that I've tried to push way down deep inside. I guess that I thought if I don't think about it, it will just go away.
I feel as though something is missing.....a hole. I've never tried to locate her or had any indication that she or someone was looking for me. I am having these feelings and have had them for some time. I feel very jealous of the relationship between my adopted mom and sister. I don't have that type of bond with them. I see them a couple times per week. I am very independent. I love them both........but have come to realize that I will never share that special bond they have. I think that I'm ok with that, and I've tried to come to terms with it. But it hurts me. And it angers me. And I've been pulling away. How can I resolve this?
I don't want to feel this way.
And there's that nagging feeling, now that I've been thinking of it a lot more...........should I try to find my birth mother.
Help? Is there anyone out there that feels or is in a similar situation?
Thanks for listening.

[cboo70]

I don't think anybody but you can answer if you should look for your birthmother. I can tell you I am glad I did though. It is a wild rollercoaster ride, but I am glad I did it. It has explained a lot and opened a lot of feelings.

As far as your birthfather, I totally relate to that. I never really gave mine a thought and just found my birthmother 3 weeks ago. Last night she called and said she had found and talked to my birthfather. I am still not sure of those feelings.

[loveis]

As I read posts on the forums I keep seeing a commom theme, something missing, a hole. I had it too and now that I have met my bmom that hole is filled. It is an amazing and overwhelming feeling one I wouldn't trade for the world.

I think you know what you would like to do, it's a hard road but I think you will be glad you did it.

I have not met my bdad yet, my bmom has offered to get in touch with him but I never felt the need, but it seems more I get into all of this I need to get the whole story and close the loop. I need to meet him, if he wants to, if not then I am ok with that. But that I will wait on, need to deal with everything else first.

I understand what you mean about the special bond, I don't have it with my amom, we are bonded because we are mother and daughter but it doesn't even compare to the bond that I have with bmom that was so immediate it was scary. I've look for that bond/connection my whole life not knowing that she was the one I was looking for.

Do what you feel in your heart, like I said, you already know what you want, you won't make the wrong decision however it all plays out.

Best of luck, keep posting, read books and let us know how things go!

Cboo, take one step at a time. No matter what anyone else wants make sure you are comfortable with what is happening. You need time with your bmom first, then deal with bdad, there is no rush.

[allabouthorses]

How you are feeling is completely normal. And no, it's not "horrible" to not be curious about your natural father...you had a bond with your natural mother, from being in her womb, and that is likely part of why you feel this way.

Listen to your heart, and do what it tells you is right for you. It might help you to write out all the pros and cons to the possibilities.

Best of luck with whatever you choose, and get all the support you need!