[wilted rose]

Another member started a thread 'Primal mother' and it got me thinking. What is the connotation for you when people refer to you as an adoptee, do you mind? Do you consider yourself an adoptee for life?
Rose

[mlassi]

I refer to myself as an adoptee. I dislike being referred to as an adopted child. I will always be an adoptee, the courts made it so by sealing my records.

[carolynppk]

Yes, I refer to myself as an adoptee, I am adopteed, whatever. It has never bothered me to be called an adoptee or be refered to as one. For myself, personally, I have found that it has been hmmmm, not sure about the right word to use, but it has made it possible for people to ask me questions and to maybe educate them some on adoption. I have never minded people asking me questions about it because I know that with circumstances I have not experienced (such as divorce) I am just as ignorant and innocently curious about things as someone may be about adoption. It doesn't define me, It is just a small part of who I am and what makes me me.

Carolyn

[austin0i]

I agree with you Carolyn as it is always nice to talk to people about our experience, but I do not refer to myself as an adoptee.

I am a daughter to two women...both of whom are my mother.

Kim

Originally Posted by carolynppk

Yes, I refer to myself as an adoptee, I am adopteed, whatever. It has never bothered me to be called an adoptee or be refered to as one. For myself, personally, I have found that it has been hmmmm, not sure about the right word to use, but it has made it possible for people to ask me questions and to maybe educate them some on adoption. I have never minded people asking me questions about it because I know that with circumstances I have not experienced (such as divorce) I am just as ignorant and innocently curious about things as someone may be about adoption. It doesn't define me, It is just a small part of who I am and what makes me me.

Carolyn

[wilted rose]

I guess I'm inclined to agree with all of you thus far. To me this is multi-faceted, and subject to our individual experiences. For instance, like Kim mentioned about her two moms, I think whether we're reunited or not might play a role in how we might answer this question.
Rose

[RavenSong]

Rose, my two best friends throughout childhood and adolescence were adopted into the same family as infants. (They're 5 months apart in age and were adopted as newborns.) I was thinking about the term "adoptee" the other day, and how I've always disliked the word. It dawned on me that I have never referred to Terri or Julie as "adoptees", even when we were kids. Instead, I've always said something like, "when Julie was adopted" or "when Julie's parents adopted her". But I've never said, "Julie is an adoptee". I don't know why...

I've become used to using the term adoptee here on the forums, mainly to distinguish which side of the triad I'm talking about. But I'm still not fond of the term, any more than I'm fond of the term birthmother. I never have referred to my own son as an adoptee. Sometimes I'll put "bson", but only here on the forums and only to clarify who I'm talking about.

[MrsHoot]

I was "adopted" by my father's parents and they have always been Mom & Dad, when I was young and they'd introduce me to their friends I was their grand-daughter - and I'd hear people in hushed voices say "oh, is that the one you're raising?"

As I grew older I was their daughter - plain and simple, the grand prefix was only dragged out when it was needed for legal clarity...I was never refered to as an adoptee, even though I've always thought of myself as one.

For me the term is more one that I drag out to get the families attention - they don't realize the emotional toll my own and my first born daughters adoptions have had on me...the emotional wreckage that's been left in it's wake.

I don't even use that term adoptee or adopted when referring to my daughter, although for clarity on forum boards I have refered to her other mother as her a-mom...again only for clarity, not to show any degree of respect.

[wilted rose]

Hi Raven, I just read your post, thankyou. That's a good point you've brought up, when I was younger I too would say I'm adopted. However for me, coming from the sixties, I don't recall ever hearing the term 'adoptee' as we do now...
Rose

[wilted rose]

Mrs Hoot, am I to assume then you find the term(s) 'adoptee' and 'adopted' to hold a negative connotation???
Rose

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

Rose, my two best friends throughout childhood and adolescence were adopted into the same family as infants. (They're 5 months apart in age and were adopted as newborns.) I was thinking about the term "adoptee" the other day, and how I've always disliked the word. It dawned on me that I have never referred to Terri or Julie as "adoptees", even when we were kids. Instead, I've always said something like, "when Julie was adopted" or "when Julie's parents adopted her". But I've never said, "Julie is an adoptee". I don't know why...

I've become used to using the term adoptee here on the forums, mainly to distinguish which side of the triad I'm talking about. But I'm still not fond of the term, any more than I'm fond of the term birthmother. I never have referred to my own son as an adoptee. Sometimes I'll put "bson", but only here on the forums and only to clarify who I'm talking about.

I'm confused as to why you dislike the term???
Rose

[doug43223]

I never used or heard the term adoptee until I started searching for my mother and using this site. The term does not offend me at all, but as a child I knew I was adopted and thought of myself as mom and dads kid. It did not define me in any way, so I never had a reason to use the term before searching. I did explain to a few people during my search that I was an adoptee, but other than that I have never seen a reason to throw that out to anyone. To me it seems like a term "male or female", "caucasion or hispanic" or the many other terms used to describe people, sexes, race, etc.

[RavenSong]

Originally Posted by wilted rose

I'm confused as to why you dislike the term???
Rose

Rose, I guess I dislike the term because I don't like to "pigeon-hole" anybody into a stereotyped label, if that makes any sense. It's like, well, my friends who were adopted are so much more than just "adoptees" in life. I know that I've never heard either of them refer to themselves as adoptees (Terri and I are 53 y/o now ~ we lost Julie about 11 years ago). I am conflicted about this term, mainly because I wonder if it's healthy to identify an individual by an act that occurred (relinquishment and adoption). I guess I need to sit down and think further on the issue, because I'm a little confused about my own feelings right now.

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by RavenSong

Rose, I guess I dislike the term because I don't like to "pigeon-hole" anybody into a stereotyped label, if that makes any sense. It's like, well, my friends who were adopted are so much more than just "adoptees" in life. I know that I've never heard either of them refer to themselves as adoptees (Terri and I are 53 y/o now ~ we lost Julie about 11 years ago). I am conflicted about this term, mainly because I wonder if it's healthy to identify an individual by an act that occurred (relinquishment and adoption). I guess I need to sit down and think further on the issue, because I'm a little confused about my own feelings right now.

Raven, I appreciate your honesty. I think we do have to be cautious not to offend, whether we choose to use a term or not. Personally for me, I was adopted and will always be an adoptee, while I work very hard at sorting out and healing what that has meant for me in my life, I'm very comfortable with these terms, it is part of who I am...
Rose

[jrainbow]

I'm like a lot of others. I was adopted ... just as my brother was born. I never refer to myself or my sister as adoptees except on these forums and then it is only for ease and clarification. When I was growing up, being adopted was just the way to explain how I became part of the family. It never defined me - it was just a part of who I was. It was just like being good in math and bad in art, being able to run but not to touch my toes.

In writing and on these forums, I talk about birthparents but never used that term before. I still stumble over it when I talk to people - and use it and adoptive parents so that others understand who I'm talking about. I always know when I say Mom who I mean. It is kind of like having 2 sets of grandparents - you always knew which one was which and even though they were different, you still loved all of them.

I don't really like the terms but have no idea what we would use to replace them. Interesting question.

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by jrainbow

I don't really like the terms but have no idea what we would use to replace them. Interesting question.

jrainbow, this is what I struggle to understand as an adoptee, why is it do you think that you don't like the terms and how would replacing them affect how you feel about using them...
Rose