[belleinblue1978]

I prefer adopted adult. I can't tell you why, don't like the way adoptee rolls off my tongue. I also feel like the word adoptee just defines too much about me, I don't know, I can't explain it. If others are cool with it, that's great, I'll call them what they want to be called.

But I don't like being a birthmother either, as many of you have read, lol.

The terminology of this can be so tricky.

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by belleinblue1978

I prefer adopted adult. I can't tell you why, don't like the way adoptee rolls off my tongue. I also feel like the word adoptee just defines too much about me, I don't know, I can't explain it. If others are cool with it, that's great, I'll call them what they want to be called.

But I don't like being a birthmother either, as many of you have read, lol.

The terminology of this can be so tricky.

Thankyou Belle, your post reminds me of a quote by author and adoptee Betty Jean Lipton, "Who ever heard of an adopted adult", yes indeed it is trickey...
Rose

[BrockBaby]

Well, here's my two cents!

As a kid, I never heard the term adoptee either, that I can recall. It was more, "I'm adopted." I am not sure when the "adoptee" word became a part of my vocabulary. I'll have to go back and read journals ect, because now I am interested.

Earlier this year, I went through a phase where I did not want to be called an adoptee. In chat, which I participate in regularly, I would always say that I was a person who was adopted, or something like that, rather then saying adoptee. At the time, I felt that being an "adoptee" was somehow defining who I was, rather then something that happened to me. I wanted to be much more then just an "adoptee". At times, I felt that being an "adoptee" put me into some sort of box. That the "adoptee" part defined me. But if i were to say I was a person who was adopted, the being a PERSON came first...not the adoption. Which in actuality is the truth..I am a person first, and for most. But adoption is something that did happen to me, adoption is something that shaped my life. But adoption doesn't define me. I wonder if people who have lost a limb like to be called amputee's....do they want to be "known" as an amputee, or a person who has had an amputation? Geez, typing all this makes me wonder what I really do feel about it all!! I mean, I have no problem with the word adoptee now. But what DOES the word mean...I guess to each of us it is different. To me, it is just a way to describe something that happend to me...but it is not the only thing that has shaped me or my life....oh it's late...and I am rambling...think I'll think about this, and get back to you when I can be intelligent!!!

[terrirose9]

Nope I don't. Unless I am talking with fellow triads or someone who is intrested in adoption. My a-parents gave me back to my b-mom just after my reunion. I was 15 3 1/2 months short of 16. They have had very little to do with me or my life since. I never had my adoption reversed. So technicly I am. But I never use the term, nor do I consider myself.

[wilted rose]

I agree Brock, the adoption has shaped our lives. I've given this more thought overnight, I guess I have concerns where adoptees themselves, the triad, or society as a whole might attach a negative connotation to 'adopted', or 'adoptee'. That perhaps it is somehow limiting. Equally important to discern why we dislike a term when we express that opinion, what is it triggering for us...
Rose

[lonni]

I use it and don't mind it. I don't remember hearing it though until 1984.

[doinit4me]

I just have to say that personally, as an adoptee, I have never really felt either way about the term. I am open with people about being adopted. If the subject comes up that is. It's not something that I go around telling everyone. I don't introduce my self as "the adopted one".

I only had one bad experiece growing up where another 7th grader who knew I was adopted called me illigitamite. (I know that's spelled wrong but it's early and I can't find a spell check on this!) LOL! But other than that..oh wait! There was also a time when in biology class we had to do a that chart..where do you get your blue eyes from or your brown hair or connected ear lobes. I did feel it was pointless to make me do this when none of my features (except for the blue eyes) matched my parents. Do any of you remember having to trace your genetic traits at school?

Anyway, other than when I go to a new doctor or if the subject comes up, it's not really something that I feel the need to bring up with people. It's not that I'm ashamed of it. I don't mind talking about it. But like most of you said, it's only a part of me. It's only what I am like being female.

Just my thoughts. Great post WR!
Lori

[MrsHoot]

Originally Posted by wilted rose

Mrs Hoot, am I to assume then you find the term(s) 'adoptee' and 'adopted' to hold a negative connotation???
Rose

Well as brock put it "To me, it is just a way to describe something that happend to me....it is something that did happen to me, adoption is something that shaped my life...." My family doesn't recognize that I was adopted, they feel that it should have no impact on my life, they don't realize the pain and conflict that it has caused me so by me using the word "adoptee or adopted" I feel it raises their understanding about how I feel about myself and my life...does that make any sense?

Negative - maybe I do see it that way...I don't think growing up without your parents is a positive thing.

Just because I was "kept in the family" doesn't mean that I don't mourn the loss of both parents, what could have been or the life I should have been allowed to have.

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by MrsHoot

Well as brock put it "To me, it is just a way to describe something that happend to me....it is something that did happen to me, adoption is something that shaped my life...." My family doesn't recognize that I was adopted, they feel that it should have no impact on my life, they don't realize the pain and conflict that it has caused me so by me using the word "adoptee or adopted" I feel it raises their understanding about how I feel about myself and my life...does that make any sense?

Negative - maybe I do see it that way...I don't think growing up without your parents is a positive thing.

Just because I was "kept in the family" doesn't mean that I don't mourn the loss of both parents, what could have been or the life I should have been allowed to have.

I'm sorry you feel your parents do not acknowledge that adoption has impacted your life. I'm confident there are many other adoptees who have struggled with this issue as well. Perhaps what I'm hearing you say, and I would agree one hundred percent, is not so much the term adopted or adoptee, but that their has been issues of loss to work through as a result of the impact of being relinquished and not having had the opportunity to remain with your bfamily? That makes perfect sense to me...
Rose

[wilted rose]

I would like to thank each and every member who took the time to respond, trying to understand where everyone is coming from certainly helps in putting things into perspective...
Thanks kindly,
Rose

[DebsW]

I would like to put my two cents in on this one. I don't mind "adoptee". I guess I never gave it much thought as it never gave me pause to think about it, however, a while back I was with a birth family member and she (without any intent to hurt me or with any malice) introduced me as a family memeber who was "adopted out". That I felt very uncomfortable with. Kind of like being adopted out....of the family, of your lives, of my world?

D

[allabouthorses]

I refer to myself as an adoptee, and yes, I think I will for life.

I feel that being and adoptee has shaped who I am, and it will ALWAYS effect me.

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by DebsW

I would like to put my two cents in on this one. I don't mind "adoptee". I guess I never gave it much thought as it never gave me pause to think about it, however, a while back I was with a birth family member and she (without any intent to hurt me or with any malice) introduced me as a family memeber who was "adopted out". That I felt very uncomfortable with. Kind of like being adopted out....of the family, of your lives, of my world?

D

Hi Debs, thankyou for your response. I can sort of relate to what you're saying. It's that feeling of seperation, of being excluded...
Wow, I can tell you first hand that has been a major issue in my life...
Rose

[wilted rose]

Originally Posted by allabouthorses

I refer to myself as an adoptee, and yes, I think I will for life.

I feel that being and adoptee has shaped who I am, and it will ALWAYS effect me.

Allabouthorses, love your profile pic... Thanks for joining us...
Rose

[curiousinmo]

Hi. This is my first post on this forum as I just joined the other day. I've gotta say though, I've never even heard the term "adoptee" before I joined. Isn't that interesting? I've always just said "I'm adopted".