[wilted rose]

The Primal Wound
Understanding the adopted child
Nancy Newton Verrier

Part 1: The Wound
Chapter 1- Adoption as an Experience
I've read this book and believe it is the most candid and raw account of the adoptees' experience and journey. Perhaps we can set a timeline for reading than discussion. One week from today we'll finish discussion and begin Chapter 2. On a side note, material can be emotionally draining, I urge any member who begins experiencing difficulty take a time out...
Regards Rose

[lonni]

I will get mine back out and read it again, if my eyes work.(just had eye surgery) but this should be fun for us adoptees to all read and discuss together!!! I LOVE your posts and great ideas for adoptees!!!!!!

[wilted rose]

I'm away for the weekend, but I've brought my book with me, and have compu access. I invite discussion, feel free to begin chapter one...
Rose

[BrockBaby]

I just got home, so I am going to get under my bed and get out my "adoption box" and start rereading Primal Wound for the 50th time. HOWEVER...I am really excited to see how it differs now that I am reunited. Oddly enough, I haven't read ONE adoption book since reunion. Perhaps living it was enough for me for a while!?!? But I am ready!!!!! (I watch two kids from 2-11:30 in the evenings on Sat., Sun, & Mon. and they go to bed by 9:30, so I'll have plenty of time to read!!! whoohhooooo)

[wilted rose]

Ok then Brock, we'll be waiting for your take, I respect your opinions , I'm looking forward to your post, can't wait!!
Rose

[BrockBaby]

Thanks...I have really enjoyed your posts as well, you are very insightful and I take a lot away from what you say! You make me think...which is something that I LOVE to do!!!!! I am sooooo excited about this as well!!!! Seems like we have a nice group of people who WANT to be involved!! whoohooooo

I feel extremely chatty today because basically I have been ALONE with KIDS ALL day...with a few adult conversations sprinkled in the day...when parents came to get their kids, or called me on the phone...anytime this happens it seems like I get REALLY chatty!!!!!

[keds]

Hi there, my daughter is home until tomorrow night so I'll read the first chapter again tomorrow while waiting for her flight to leave and post something late Sat or early Sun. For shadowrider I can post the summary "somewhere" (I don't have a blog). Let me know.

[wilted rose]

Thankyou Brock, the truth is I learn so much here by listening. I think were living in age of transition where adoption is concerned, while many of us have been involved in closed adoptions, I think we have much to offer in terms of insight, emotional dynamics, and heed to protocol. I was discussing adoption with someone tonight and mentioned about support forums. For me it's not about fixing anyone, it's all about raising awareness. While we may share common denominators, our experiences are unique that makes it special to be able to share and exchange thoughts. Sometimes were glad, sometimes were sad, sometimes it helps to share the sadness, and the gladness...
Rose

[wilted rose]

Thanks again keds, I'm sure when shadow logs on she will be thrilled, you're a gem!
Rose

[fauxgina]

I may have to buy PW again because I can't find my passport, and I can't get a library card without ID! Grr... If I order it tonight... maybe I can have it by Monday. We'll see.

[Jan18]

I'll see if I can get my hands on a copy. I have stayed away from this book in the past, because ever reading the jacket angered me. I never felt "wounded". Maybe I don't know enough about the book?! I am willing to join in a discussion and see other points of view. Kind of excited about this!

[wilted rose]

I'm going to prompt discussion and begin with two quotes first from chapter one, 'The Primal Wound' page twelve...
"what adoptees need to know is that their experience was real. Adoption isn't a concept to be learned, a theory to be understood, or an idea to be developed. It is a real life experience about which adoptees have had and are continuing to have constant and conflicting feelings, all of which are legitimate. Their feelings are their response to the most devastating experience they are ever likely to have: the loss of their mother. Just because they do not consciously remember it does not make it any less devastating. It only makes it more difficult to deal with, because it happened before they had words with which to describe it (preverbal) and is, therefore, almost impossible to talk about. For many of them, it is even difficult to think about. In fact, some adoptees say they feel as if they either came from outer space or a file drawer. To allow themselves the memory of being born, even a feeling sense of it, would mean also having to remember and feel what happened next. And that, they most certainly, do not want to do."
Page 14
'babies are not the unaware, simple beings which scientists had once supposed.(Mothers, deep in their hearts, always knew this!) We now know that they are cognitive beings with a wide range of abilities, such as recognizing their own mother's face, smell, and energy, feeling a wide range of emotions, remembering, learning, and using all five senses to experience their life outside the womb.'
excerpts taken from 'The Primal Wound' by Nancy Newton Verrier
For me as an adoptee I relate. I think I have always carried a tremendous sense of loss, certainly in my younger years it manifested in many ways clearly as a result of not knowing how to express what I was feeling; not understanding the emotional gravity of it, myself.
I remember my initial experience coming in contact with my bmother after being seperated thirty nine years, I took one look deeply into her eyes and I lost complete time and space just for a brief moment, I began to look forward to hearing the sound of her voice, it seemed to have a calming effect, and up until she passed when I would give her a hug and a kiss, taking in her scent would leave me hesitating to exhale...
Rose

[keds]

Hi everyone, short post as I got hit with the stomach flu yesterday. Not great but I did get the first chapter transcribed and will send to shadowrider. I haven't really reviewed for my comments - hopefully tomorrow if I can stay upright long enough - ugh! I hate this!

[wilted rose]

Ah keds, such a bummer!! Sorry!!! Take the time you need to feel better. OK? I'm expecting comment and discussion to trickle in for the first few chapters. While I acknowledge the material may be thought provoking; it's emotional depth requires reading, perhaps rereading, reflection and then response. Discussion will follow on an individual timeline...
Rose

[wilted rose]

keds, you've been very kind, I know shadow deeply appreciates your effort, thankyou!