[wilted rose]

I was thinking about this the other day, for me reunion has been like a dance. I've experienced it with my bmother(now deceased), and five bsiblings. Like every dance with a new partner, it's awkward at first, then with patience, endurance, you find a rhythm. I've discovered myself leading where I wanted to follow, following where I sooo wanted to lead; when I wanted to arrest the flow, letting it go.
I've considered this one of my lifes greatest lessons...
In reunion would you consider yourself a leader or a follower?
Rose

[HBTrina]

That post is a great way to describe a reunion.

I would consider myself the leader in my reunion.

[austin0i]

Originally Posted by wilted rose

I was thinking about this the other day, for me reunion has been like a dance. I've experienced it with my bmother(now deceased), and five bsiblings. Like every dance with a new partner, it's awkward at first, then with patience, endurance, you find a rhythm. I've discovered myself leading where I wanted to follow, following where I sooo wanted to lead; when I wanted to arrest the flow, letting it go.
I've considered this one of my lifes greatest lessons...
In reunion would you consider yourself a leader or a follower?
Rose

I am a 39 year old adoptee in reunion for about 6 weeks now.

Right now I think I am leading this dance, only because my mother is allowing me too. As I continue to learn about her personality, it becomes clearer that she is letting me lead.

Right now I am watching her step back and allow me to lead, but I am getting the impression as we move along she may emerge as the leader.

Good thread.

[sal]

I have definitely led my reunion with my bmother and one bbrother who lives pretty far away. My bsis and youngest bbrother and I are all in a pretty normalized relationship...with phone calls and plans pretty much equal much of the time. Even though it's been 6 years... when the contact wanes... I still get that little panic feeling that they will disappear ...then I lead a bit again... sal

[keds]

I'd have to say that I'm the leader most of the time in that I keep asking him back out on the dance floor but when we do meet and/or talk on the phone I allow him to lead. I think that is the way to go for me as I am comfortable going "backwards" and trusting him to make sure I don't fall but I'm not sure the feeling is mutual - yet. I think what I really want is to be able to put my head down and just enjoy the music!

[wilted rose]

Thankyou for your thoughts and replies. Would you agree success in reunion may depend on anticipating anothers move, responding, or perhaps waiting as the music dictates...
Rose

[patti Daniels]

That is beautiful. I will have to share that one with my daughter.
Thank you for sharing.

[kakuehl]

It's interesting; I've been thinking about this thread and trying to decide how I would describe the dance between D and me. Actually sometimes D's wife leads since she routinely IM's and checks in with me. Keds I can relate to the desire to "put my head down and enjoy the music." Even after 2 years I still need to concentrate a lot to follow his steps. (So I guess that answers the question: I'm following his lead... or trying to - of course I'm not a good dancer!)

[carolynppk]

I would have to say that in the beginning I was the leader, as I was the one who initiated the reunion, but as we have gone along, I would say that I follow. I go at her pace, as I feel she has been through the most and needs to process things at her own pace. A beautiful analogy.

Carolyn

[wilted rose]

I have two bfamily members in particular, who I found myself patiently leading, now after nearly three years I've been blessed with two relationships that have deepened. They're at a place now where they are comfortable leading, and I am learning to relax into the receiving. For me being an adoptee and the life experiences I've had, pursuing, leading has always been my strong suit. However, when I am on the receiving end, I feel most vulnerable, but therein lies the essence of what I most treasure and sought after... Anyone relate?
Rose

[tlee70]

interesting thread! I would have to say that I've withdrawn from dancing! I certainly don't want anyone to feel obligated to dance.....
I was always the one that seemed to be doing the asking, to dance....anyone else ever feel that way??

[keds]

No, but I was a wallflower for 27 years! I love the analogy.

[Jannyroo]

Originally Posted by wilted rose

Thankyou for your thoughts and replies. Would you agree success in reunion may depend on anticipating anothers move, responding, or perhaps waiting as the music dictates...
Rose

Definitely.

Doesn't an orchestra to make a beautiful symphony wait for their part and make the right notes at the right time to introduce their part?

[rainmon]

Our dance was wonderful for the first year... and then she just Abruptly walked off the dance floor with no warning....and either we were doing a waltz while she the boogie woogie and we could not keep up or stay in rythum...or we let her lead for so long and she started leading too fast and maybe we couldn't always keep up, and when we tried to take over the lead just to slow things down a bit, she was so used to leading by then and it may have made her angry when we she was no longer leading ...I just don't know.....
but I wish she had not left the dance floor so we could work on the rythum some more, as I am sure we would have found some harmony soon, if we met halfway.

[BrockBaby]

Rose,

What a wonderful thought. I have enjoyed reading everyones responses. In my particular reunion, I am definately leading with my bmom, D. Because of the nature of our reunion, I am the only one that can call her or visit her. (she's not in jail...I realized it may have sounded like that) I think that although I am "leading", there are times when it's like the music stops, or changes, and I am not sure what the next move should be.

I am also in contact with several second cousins, with whom I would have had been in close relationships with had I not been placed, and it seems as though our dance is a bit more free-style. At times, it is hard to know exactly where my place is on the dance floor though. Actually last night, I went to a football game with two of my cousins...and although I KNOW that they ARE my cousins, biologically, it feels odd to sit there with them thinking THESE are MY cousins!! It's times like that that I am not sure of where I belong on the dance floor....anyone else feel like that?!