[MaryannsMiracle]

So many times I come to adoption related forums and hear stories about Nmothers being forced/coerced into relinquishment,stories about contested adoptions and stories about foster care and how Nparents have these rights. Now this is all well and good, but what about the ADOPTEE? The one TRUE VICTIM caught up in the middle of the remnants of adult decisions?

This morning I read some posts here and elsewhere that lierally made me physically ill. As an adoptee from a closed adoption, the only parents I ever knew were my aparents. For whatever circumstances I that caused me to end up in my afamily, this is where I was and none of it was my fault, nor did I have any say in the matter.

Children are removed from homes for various reason be it abuse, neglect or whatever, but what about when the legal system causes more harm that good totally disregarding how these decisions will affect the adoptee?

Quite frankly I am OUTRAGED!!! when I read that that a child is taken away from the only parents he/she ever knew because the Nparenst have rights. So in other words it is Ok for say a 10yrold adopted child to ripped away from the only mommy and daddy he/she has ever known and place ith strangers simply because they share DNA? How can this be good? Since when does taumatising a child because the Nparents all of a sudden decide they want to parent become something good? Does the child have any say in the matter? I would think that any sane rational judge would look beyond DNA and truly look out for the child's best interest. Sadly, this is not the case.
As an adoptee had anyone tried to take me away from my aparents I would have been devastated and definately put up a fight.


Why not ask the child where he or she would want to go? Isn't it time for judges to listen to the only victims in this equasion called the "triad". I just cannot wrap myself around how this can be good. the only good that could possibly come out of a situation like this is satisfaction for the Nparent and seriously what good is that? NewsflashNA does not mean love.

I am not understanding how any sane rational person can see this as a good thing. My heart breaks for any child caught up in this and I honestly believe that if an Nparent truly loved the child they would realize this and seek a different alternative.

Aside from this vent, I am seriously looking for feed back from other adoptees and how they feel about this. How would they feel if all of a sudden being ripped away at 9 or 10 yrs old from the only parents they ever knew and loved to go live with a stranger that shares the same DNA?

An Outraged Adult Adoptee,

Maryann

[sarahbunny]

I'm confused - are you talking about a specific case? I haven't heard of any contested adoptions regarding a 10 year old child (or thereabouts)who was adopted at birth or as a young child.

I'm only asking for clarification so that I can give a more informed opinion.

[MamaS]

Read Daddy's Angel story on Adoptive
parents - Contested Adoptions. It will break your heart.

[MaryannsMiracle]

MamaS
Basicaly that was the story I was talking about, but I recently read of another similar situation. I didn't want to call Daddysangel out because I know the family is hurting so much, and I can only imagine how terrified the little girl is.

Aslo, I speak for all adoptees, past present and to come. This is beyond heartbreaking.


Maryann

[sarahbunny]

I read that thread, but I am confused on some of the facts. Was the little girl actually adopted? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but it seemed to me that the birthmother placed the little girl at birth with the family but there was not an actual adoption.

Is that correct or incorrect?

[BrandyHagz]

That is incorrect - the child was not placed at birth. She was placed, in emergency placement, in 2001, is nine years old...so I'd say she was 2 or 3 - it was a guardianship type situation...

I don't believe the father ever consented to anything - termination was done by publication.

And, of course, we're hearing one side of the story - which seems to always been the 'standard answer' any time a birth parent posts the same heart wrenching type posts...

[sarahbunny]

Well, I really know nothing about guardianships. Those always confuse me. I tried to read the other thread but had a hard time following it (clearly!). So I guess I can't comment. Thanks for the clarification about her being placed as a toddler, Brandy.

I do agree that we only know one side of the story though.

[MaryannsMiracle]

Allow me to clarify,if I may. First of all, while I admit to not knowing the speciffics of the heartbreaking situation being discussed, reading that post and another one on a different board yesterday is what prompted me to post.
Even if the child is placed at a young age and nd not legally adopted, how could the child going back to the nparents(while being legal) be good for the child? I should have elaborated and said that in most contested adoptions that are dragged out through the legal system while a child is with the aparents then suddenly ripped away from them.

Even still if the child was placed at 2yrs old, what about the 7 yrs of bonding with the aparents? Sometimes the law does not truly look out for the child's best interests. Do I deny that a few nmoms were given a bad deal? No not at all, but my main point was that thee adoptees are made to suffer for the decisions of adults who are all claiming to look out for their best interest.


Maryann

[mom2justynsarah]

As an amom, I just wanted to state the following. It would be over my dead body that my daughter would ever be taken away or ripped away from me. They would have to kill me first.

[lonni]

I "think" it was a newborn placement of the amom's sister's baby.I "think" the father is getting the child and there was no adoption papers done, just guardianship.
I think the sister had several children and wanted to place this little girl with them.

[lonni]

Need some help, anyone??

Here is some of the story.
I can not imagine the pain of this little girl.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

Also, the A Family invited the B father to visit several times, he refuses. Has never called the child, sent a birthday card, nothing. They have now been served with papers to deliver the child to North Carolina or the B Father will have the cops do it. Does not even have the balls to come get her himself.

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

And, the question becomes, is there anything we, as a community, can do to help this child.

[JPDakota]

Maryann,
As an adoptee and an adoptive mother, all I can say is that you are absolutely right! DNA does not make parents. Parents do that. What about the child? So, you relinquish a child and that child lives with and loves her/his adoptive or foster to adopt parents. Then it's ok for the birth parents to later decide to parent? And hurt the child just because they have rights? Or they drag our the process with endless lawsuits, even though they don't want to raise the child themselves?
They didn't understand what they were doing?
They didn't 'get' what was really happening?
They didn't know about resources?
Sounds callous, but I don't care. I repeat, what about the child?

[MaryannsMiracle]

Thank You JP,
That's what I am talking about. As an adoptee, had someone, anyone came and tried to take me from my aparents, I think I would have literally died of heartbreak,much less put up one fight. While I am the first to advise perspective nmoms to really consider their options, I find it amazing at how many nparents suddenly had no idea what they were doing or were in some way coerced. Sorry, I am not buying it. IMHO I think it is more of a case of second thoughts after the fact and it is sadly by the time the baby has bonded with the aparents. Again, I will ask where are the adoptees rights? And I am so outrage that I will further say that none of this is in the est interest of the child, it's all about which adult wins at the espense of the child.


An Outraged Adoptee

Maryann