[ticchick]

I was just visiting my family and told my mom that I had found out who my bmom was. We discussed it and decided that she should call as she had been the one to first find her 20 years ago. When she called though this time my bmom was very curt and seemed not open to contact. She finally said she would take our number and would have to think about it.

I did not sit in on the conversation as I wanted to give my mom privacy so I don't know if she conveyed all I wanted to convey. Would it be appropriate now for me to follow up with a letter clarifying that I am open to whatever she wants to do, whether it is meeting or just writing a letter or talking a few minutes on the phone? I really do want some medical history and questions asked as I am in the process of writing a letter to my birth son to put in his file and have no medical history to include at this point. I don't want to sit and wait for her to call without at least letting her know why I am contacting her and what I am looking for (which I'm not sure my mom really conveyed to her). Is a letter okay at this point or too much too soon?
Thanks for any input you can give!

[fauxgina]

It sounds to me like you need to make your intentions known yourself, even if your mom did convey that to your bmom. In any case, you won't know until you try. Maybe you'll receive a better reception, especially if your bmom was feeling jealous that your mom got to raise you.

[sal]

After my first phone call to my bmom.. it took her several months to be able to even come close to dealing with meeting me. She said that there had been a HUGE flood of emotions that took her over... all that she had been supressing came "bubbling" up. I would wait a bit and then send a letter with the questions on it that you would like answered... perhaps your bmom was "upset" that it wasn't you that made the call?... just a thought.. I wish you well...sal

[gemini678]

Maybe you can send a letter now only letting her know she may contact you whenever she gets ready. This way, when she's ready she may contact you. If she doesn't contact you in a few months after that letter, then send another.

[ticchick]

Thanks, that sounds like a good idea. She did take down my mom's number but I'm thinking if she had my number it would make things easier- sometimes having to make two different calls is just enough to keep you from doing it. Plus I can let her know what I want her to know and at least feel like I have gotten that out there even if I never hear back.