[BrandyHagz]

In the post, your birthmother said she was anxious to start where she left off, be your mommy, and bring you into her world completely, leaving your adoptive family totally cut off, what would you do?

How would you react to that?

What are your first feelings?

If possible, I'd love to hear only from Adoptee's here...I know the forums aren't segregated, but I'd really like to hear from adoptees specifically.

[healingfeeling]

honestly i'd be floored and slightly disturbed that someone would think they could just waltz back into my life on their terms and completely erase the life i had with my a-family. i think that having a relationship with my b-dad is great, however when he calls my a-dad "your stepdad" i have a major problem with that, we had a big fight over it and i told him he had crossed a line. i believe there should be respect from all sides and no one should make assumptions about the roles that they will play.

by the way brandy...i love the new avatar! cracks me up!

[Sniffles]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

In the post, your birthmother said she was anxious to start where she left off, be your mommy, and bring you into her world completely, leaving your adoptive family totally cut off, what would you do?

How would you react to that?

What are your first feelings?

If possible, I'd love to hear only from Adoptee's here...I know the forums aren't segregated, but I'd really like to hear from adoptees specifically.

I would be shocked and thrilled at the same time. I could not start where we left off though. I have a family that has been with me my whole life through thick and thin and I could never cut them off completely. My parents will always be my parents.

I would tell her that it would be OK for her to come in to my life and be a part of it. She can still be a mom to me, but do not ask me to cut off the only family that I have had for the past 30 something years.

I also would be a little hurt that she could ask me to do something like that. She made a choice back then that she could not take care of me and she gave me the chance to be raised by someone who could. I understand and respect her decision and I have always been grateful for it. She, IMO, can not come back and ask me to do something like that. It is not in her rights to do so.

I know it sounds harsh, but I have a family who loves, cares, and has been there for me for my whole life. I just can't give them up, I love them too much to do that to them.

[sarahbunny]

Ok, so that I understand you...you mean like if I found a post from my birthmother on here and she said something like that? Not to me directly, just on a message board? And in that post, she mentions cutting off my family? (I never feel comfortable referring tomy family as my adoptive family, fyi - that's just my thing maybe).

I would be REALLY uncomfortable and upset. I guess I would ask her about it and what she meant and maybe take it as a time to draw some boundaries? I think it would set up a future of suspicion on my part as well.

I don't have that kind of relationship with my birthmother, so it is hard to say though.

[lonni]

Originally Posted by BrandyHagz

In the post, your birthmother said she was anxious to start where she left off, be your mommy, and bring you into her world completely, leaving your adoptive family totally cut off, what would you do?

How would you react to that?

What are your first feelings?

If possible, I'd love to hear only from Adoptee's here...I know the forums aren't segregated, but I'd really like to hear from adoptees specifically.

Well,I am beyond the mommy needing stage!! I would not cut off my adparents because they were great parents and I love them. I would welcome her in all other ways such as Grandmom,Mother to adult daughter (me) and she would be a part of the larger family and our two families would mesh. If she made me chose,I chose my adparents,but thankfully my parents all adore and respect each other.

[cnb1099]

I would have to tell her thanks but no thanks. I want more than anything to have her be a part of my life..as big or as small as she chooses. But to ask me to give up my family, they are who I am so we are a package deal.

[specialk4b]

I couldn't cut off my family for anyone, not even my birthmother. If she truly wants to be a part of my life, I would love it, but she can't go back and take the place of the family I've known all my life. Even if she gave me up under duress, and harbors anger over the adoption, I would hope that she would acknowledge the role my family has played in making me who I am.

I would be heartbroken if her wish for contact with me was contingent on such a thing.

[mlassi]

Interesting thread Brandy.... I would not cut off contact with my asibs for any reason, and I did not have contact with my aparents for years but would still be surprised if I were to be asked to cut contact with afam for bfam. I did not search for my bmom but not for a "mommy". I would certainly welcome bmom as a family member (she has limited contact with me since I am a "secret" whole new thread there...lol).
Mary

[BrockBaby]

My VERY first feeling when I read the scenerio, was WHAT!? YOU MUST BE INSANE!! (not you Brandy, but my bmom if she thought that was even a remote possibility!) I would refuse to be in a relationship with ANYONE who would demand such a thing, including the woman who gave me life. After the shock of the demand, I would then sit down and explain to her that it was an unfair request, and that I would never demand that she gave up her family for me. After all, my family is my family, and they have stood by me my ENTIRE life..and I would not give them up for ANYONE!! I want to know my bmom soo much, but not to the point of manipulation.

Does that make sense?

[Jan18]

Like a previous poster said, I think I would feel a bit disturbed that she would suddenly come back into my life and make such demands. At 34, I don't need a Mommy. Not sure how she could pick up where she left off. I sure as heck don't fit in a hospital cradle anymore! I would NEVER be able to cut ties with anyone in my family. My dearest and closest friend is my cousin. I love my parents dearly, and to be separated from them would be a choice I would not be willing to make. If I had to choose my parents over getting to know my bmom, I would choose my parents any day!

Interesting post.

[gr8fuladoptee]

yeah this is an interesting thread, I would have mixed emotions if my bmom asked me to give up my afamily. I definitely wouldn't cut them out of my life,especially all the stuff I have put them through and they still keep in touch with me. I think I would be angry at my bmom for making a request like that but maybe even a little flattered she wanted me back in her life. She would get an explanation why she shouldn't feel threatened by my family. There's enough love to go around this whole world if we just give it. No need for jealousy but I know it still happens.

[purplewyo1]

Wow,
Yes, everything said so far in response I would say ditto from me.

Great thread.

[Lynard1210]

I think I would pretend I never saw the thread and start searching for my rational family members! No, seriously, I don't know any adoptees who have been in this situation, but I agree with the "package deal" concept. I don't think anyone, whether a birthmother or not, has a right to ask you to cut off family members.

[SallyLF]

I can't imagine a stable person making a request such as this and it would make me VERY reluctant to attempt a relationship with her. I would still contact her but I wouldn't tell her where I lived because my first impression would be that she's potentially delusional. (and for all you birthmothers out there who don't want contact with your biokids - here is the perfect reverse psychology tactic to get us to leave you alone!).

I suppose if I were much much MUCH younger I might possibly be flattered, just thrilled to know how much she'd loved me all along, but at this ripe old age I would only think uh oh Loony Toons.

[InionGrinn]

I would be shocked. Then I might be really saddened.

Saddened that there was my birthmother, wanting her baby back in her life, and I could not be that for her. I would never cut my afamily out of my life. I could not be that baby.

Sad that her pain was so overwhelming (or whatever the reason would be) that she would be "stuck" in her grief and not able to see the reality of an adult reunion and that it isn't a "pick up where we left off" situation in the least.

Saddened that it could be a very rocky start to a reunion -if one were to happen after I got this information.