[Sniffles]

This interesting article came in my e-mail this morning and I want to share it with y'all. I also would like to hear anyone's thoughts on this.

26 December 2006
I WANTED TO KNOW WHY MUM HAD GIVEN ME AWAY.. SHE JUST SAID SHE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO KEEP ME
EXCLUSIVE HOW A SEARCH FOR ROOTS ENDED IN HEARTACHE
By Beth Neil
TREMBLING, Ben Fellows stared at the front door for what felt like an age. Behind it was the woman he had been searching for.

Imelda Josephine Pitt opened the door and Ben was finally face to face with the mother who had abandoned him as a baby.

"My legs turned to jelly," he says. "She looked so old yet she was only in her early 50s.

"I couldn't speak. I just wanted to look at her. She had my eyes, my nose. That was spooky."

The highly-charged meeting was the culmination of an emotional journey into the past which fledgling film-maker Ben had captured on camera.

His poignant, gentle film, I Was Jonathan Pitt, looks set to be a huge international success and is already being considered for a Bafta award.

Not only that, but Madonna requested a copy of Ben's debut documentary shortly after she adopted baby David Banda from Malawi.

And the day after the Material Girl appeared on Oprah Winfrey defending her controversial decision to adopt little David, one of the programme's producers called London-based Ben inviting him to guest on the show.

"It's been a whirlwind," says Ben, 32. "I got a phone call from a company in New York trying to get hold of a copy of the film on behalf of Madonna. I've no idea how she heard about it.

"I sent it - and got a call from Oprah who'd heard about me through Madonna. I've sent them over a copy of the film and apparently Oprah is very excited about it. They're going to get me on in the New Year."

Dumped in a foster home in London's East End, Ben was six months old when he was adopted by Stephanie and Roger Fellows, a couple from the Midlands.

Ben's Irish mother Imelda Josephine Pitt got pregnant following a one-night stand with a mystery man and handed her baby boy over for adoption. She had called him Jonathan.

Stephanie and Roger, who were unable to have any more children of their own following complications with the birth of their only child Amanda, renamed him Ben.

Although Ben describes his upbringing as "idyllic", other people's prejudices meant growing up as a mixed race child in a white family wasn't easy.

Ben says: "I remember being pulled out of class by a teacher for messing about. She looked me up and down and said: 'Black and Irish, thick and lazy. I'll say no more.'

"But I was happy at home. I was never particularly interested in having a conversation with my real mum. I was happy with the family I had."

However, as Ben went through his teens, he became increasingly aggressive.

"I wasn't a very nice person," he explains. "I went from being polite and charming to being ugly and horrible. I was drinking a lot and not really caring about anything."

This self-destructive attitude led to him cheating on his fiancee and the breakdown of their relationship.

It proved a turning point. By now in his late 20s, and studying at film college Ben addressed his problems. "Suddenly, the reason why I'd been getting myself into such a mess became clear. I realised I didn't know who I was. I wanted to know where I'd come from, who I looked like," he says.

And, with the backing of Channel 4, he decided to film his experience of tracing his birth mother. He says: "I wanted it to be completely honest. No reconstructions, nothing contrived, all very raw.

"As I started getting closer to her the tension that had been building up inside me was dripping away."

He found Imelda living at an address in London's East End. For three days, Ben watched the house and on the third he saw a faint image of a woman through a window. Ben knew he'd found his mum.

But there were no tears, no emotional outbursts at the reunion. Imelda told Ben she wouldn't answer any questions about his father.

Instead, she told him how she'd come over from Belfast as a young girl with no money. Ben says: "She told me she just couldn't be bothered to keep me.

Those were her exact words. I couldn't believe it. She said she'd had six children in total. I was desperate to ask about my dad but she was adamant.

"I started to feel very upset and left."

About a week later, Ben returned to see Imelda. But again, she clammed up.

"It was just meaningless chit chat. I could have been anybody. I tried to bring up the subject of my father, but she just waved me away."

That was two years ago. Ben hasn't seen Imelda since.

"She's never been back in touch and I haven't contacted her either. Maybe I've satisfied that need for knowledge.

"But I do feel let down. She had nothing to lose by telling me the truth, but she chose not to."

The next step for Ben is to undergo a DNA test to find out where his birth father is from.

He is also desperate to trace his half-siblings Alan and Imelda junior, (also known as Tina) who will both be in their 30s and Thomas and David who will be in their mid-20s.

Now settled with girlfriend Julia, Ben is looking forward to the future.

"I'm so much more chilled out and I don't get stressed any more. I'm just a happier person."

I feel that personally the article touched me because it felt like that was my reunion story. I sat there and read it and said "Wow this is me". The statement he made, "But I do feel let down. She had nothing to lose by telling me the truth, but she chose not to." just it home way to hard for me. I have felt the same way many times.

I am really interested to see him on Oprah and I am hoping that if the movie has drawn the attention of both her and Madonna then it will be shown here in the US.

[Lovemends2]

Interesting, I had a similiar experience like Ben's, just a bit harder. Sometimes, I think some of the adoptees may have to live with some unanswered questions that would remain unanswered even after a reunion.