[victorialady]

I'm considering changing my name to my birth name. I know it involves a LOT of places that need to be changed but that's not the reason I'm hesitating.

First of all...has anyone here changed your name? What problems have you encountered...if any?

Let me say...I'm not a "young" person. Mentally, I am, but in years...I'm not. I was adopted when I was 3 years old by a woman that worked with my bio-mother. I've never known too much about my b-mother because my adopted mother wouldn't tell me. Records are sealed in Michigan, so info is ziltch. Recently, I received an envelope in the mail (I think from one of my aunt's in MI) and it contained the court document from my name change. I knew my first name had been changed but I didn't know what my last name was...until now.

Anyway, I've never been "comfortable" with my adopted name and I'd like to have it changed to my "birth" name.

Do you think it's "too late" to do it now?...or should I just go for it?

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by victorialady

I'm considering changing my name to my birth name. I know it involves a LOT of places that need to be changed but that's not the reason I'm hesitating.

First of all...has anyone here changed your name? What problems have you encountered...if any?

Let me say...I'm not a "young" person. Mentally, I am, but in years...I'm not. I was adopted when I was 3 years old by a woman that worked with my bio-mother. I've never known too much about my b-mother because my adopted mother wouldn't tell me. Records are sealed in Michigan, so info is ziltch. Recently, I received an envelope in the mail (I think from one of my aunt's in MI) and it contained the court document from my name change. I knew my first name had been changed but I didn't know what my last name was...until now.

Anyway, I've never been "comfortable" with my adopted name and I'd like to have it changed to my "birth" name.

Do you think it's "too late" to do it now?...or should I just go for it?

I was adopted at age 7 by stepdad..

at 35 my bio dad adopted me back in to the family, (closed adoption ) So I had to change everything. SS, passport, license, but it was worth it.

As an adult you can change your name to pretty much anything you want.

My birthson even considered changing his last name to my maiden name.. sweet thought, I don't think it will happen.

But I did it. Even though I don't use my maiden name, I am married.

[ladysapphire]

GO FOR IT!!!!

Anna

[evildishrag]

Originally Posted by victorialady

Recently, I received an envelope in the mail (I think rom one of my aunt's in MI) and it contained the court document from my name change. I knew my first name had been changed but I didn't know what my last name was...until now.

I don't know how recently 'recently' is, but I would suggest holding off for a year or so and then reassess how you feel. Emotions are running high now and it might not be the best time to make a decision about undertaking such an enormous change. Sit on it awhile.

[victorialady]

Thanks for your replies. I agree I should not "rush" into anything, however, this is something I've thought about for years. My whole life I've never felt like my name "fit" me and I've always hated it.

I will take the pro's and con's and weigh them the best I can.

Thanks again. It's nice to know other adoptees feel the same way and to know you're not being "silly".

BTW...my husband is very supportive with whatever I decide....although, he says it would be hard not to call me by what he's known me as for 30+ years.

[whitsunday15]

I recently changed my full name back to my original name, and it's one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It feels wonderful.

I encountered no problems--just some headaches in terms of changing legal documents. It's not hard, it's just a process that you have to go through. Women go through the same process when they get married.

As far as how people in my life have handled it, they have been fantastic. Everyone thinks my original name fits me better--which I agree. Like you, I never felt comfortable with my adopted name. I wanted to change it when I was a small child. Ironically I always wanted a particular middle name, and it turns out that I really have that middle name. It was just changed when I was adopted.

I say go for it. Why wait, when you've waited for so long? I get the biggest joy out of saying my name, and signing credit card slips. And listening to people on the phone address me by my original name. And getting mail. The list goes on.

[Howdy]

Be sure to get everything changed together. I changed my name (first,middle,last) twice (not adopted, just like to change my name) and at one point I was hired for a new job and the orientation letter said to bring 3 identification documents like passport, SScard, birth certificate, etc. I was a bit freaked because all three of those documents had different names on them. Luckily I was being hired for a non-classified-job and they were content with just one document for me.

It becomes a little awkward sometimes, like when reference letters talk about me using my old name, school records are in a different name, etc.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by Howdy

Be sure to get everything changed together. I changed my name (first,middle,last) twice (not adopted, just like to change my name) and at one point I was hired for a new job and the orientation letter said to bring 3 identification documents like passport, SScard, birth certificate, etc. I was a bit freaked because all three of those documents had different names on them. Luckily I was being hired for a non-classified-job and they were content with just one document for me.

It becomes a little awkward sometimes, like when reference letters talk about me using my old name, school records are in a different name, etc.

It is best to keep all legal documentation and copies of it for when you are applying for jobs or other..

And change, SS cards, passports, license, everything. Each time you will have to bring proof of your change.

I know.. things you can change too, if you want your maiden name changed on your children's birthcertificates, you can do that too. but there again, bring the paper work.

[victorialady]

I have been doing a lot of reading on the web about places that you can get the documents for a name change and then you submit them to the county clerk in your town. Has any of you used these services? It certainly is a lot cheaper than hiring an attorney. I had a friend that had her son's last name changed and it cost her almost $500...and that was over 12 years ago. It seems like an easy process. I think the headache would be changing everything after and explaining to co-workers, relatives, friends, etc. why you did what you did and getting them to call you by your "new" name.

Another thing...I really want to change my maiden name,too. How would that work because I'm married? I mean...would I have to get my marriage license changed too?

I get so excited to think I can finally be who I really am!!!!

[Butterfly281964]

Follow your heart. If that is what you want go for it. I am 42 and was illegally adopted in 1966 and as soon as I am able I am going to have the adoption set aside and have my original birth certificate again with my biological parents names on it and I am marrried as well. It will give me piece of mind.

[whitsunday15]

You can change your name on your own without an attorney and without using one of those services. It only cost me the court filing fees and then fees for certain documents like driver's license and passport.

There are a ton of websites that walk you through step by step on how to fill out the forms and stuff. You can download all the forms from your local court's website. You can also download the application for your new SS card and your new passport and they tell you exactly what you need to send and where to send it.

Seriously, it is so easy to do this. The advice that you got to make sure you get everything changed at once is great. My name change was made legal on Nov. 4th, I went immediately to the license bureau, and by the 20th, I was flying across the country with my new driver's license and name and no one knew differently. I got my new SS card already, and all my credit cards were switched over within a few weeks as well, and I had new ones of those before leaving to travel.

I know that it sounds strange to some people that you are doing this, but who cares what they think. Most people will respect you for doing what makes you feel good, and they will adjust to calling you by your "new"/old name.

[victorialady]

Thanks to all of you! Wish I had found this web sooner. It's like having friends that you've known for a long time. I guess that's because we all have something in common.

Whitsunday15....thank you for your encouragement. I think the only reason I'm hesitating is because I'm 60 (but very young at heart and everyone is shocked when they find out how "old" I am. Thankfully, I must have inherited some good genes somewhere along the way!). I keep wondering if I'm too "old" to do this.

Speaking of web sites and downloadable forms.....I have read several sites and did get some forms to fill out. The price was reasonable. Now all I have to do is decide if I
will actually do it. In my heart, I feel so happy when I think I can have my real identity back, but in the same instant I hear this nagging little voice saying..you're being foolish...you're too old to change all this now. My husband told me tonight that he's not sure he can call me by any other name than what he's always known me. I told him he'd have to get use to it like everyone else.

BTW, on the form, it asks about other names you've used and from what date to what date and why. I have been married before, so does that mean I have to give that name too? What would happen if I don't, I wonder. Would it mean my name change wouldn't be legal? I guess I'm wondering because if they ask to see divorce papers, I don't have them. I haven't had them for years. Any thoughts?

[Sniffles]

In my heart, I feel so happy when I think I can have my real identity back, but in the same instant I hear this nagging little voice saying..you're being foolish...you're too old to change all this now.

victorialady, I read this and i just wanted you to know that you are never too old to change. If you feel in your heart that you want to change it then go for it!

[victorialady]

My last post on here was 12/10/06. I wanted to update you since then.

My adopted mother passed away on 12/14/06 very suddenly. We had not spoken for 2 years. She was not a nice lady and I'm not so sure she did me any favors by adopting me.

It's been a very difficult time for me since she passed away. I can't really say I miss her, but I do hope and pray she is at peace.

What's been difficult for me is to learn she did not leave me anything. I was an only child, but I found out she left everything to her neighbor/caregiver. It's a long story and I won't bore you with it, but the gist of the story is the neighbor/caregiver gave her the attention and "played the game" that my mother liked. I never knew how to do that with her, hence, I got nothing.

At first, I was hurt and angry. My mother loved to tell people how much she "loved" me but in reality she did everything she could to drive me away from her. I got to the point, two years ago, when she told me she made a big mistake by adopting me, that I couldn't take her verbal abuse any more and I didn't have any contact with her since then. I know...I know....I'm getting what I deserve.

My point in all this is.....I've finally made a decision about changing my name. I've decided to do it. I may be 60 (but look and feel 40!), and my husband thinks I've lost my mind, but I just don't want the "tie" to her any more. I don't know what the circumstances were that my "real" mother gave me up, and I'll probably never know, but I want my "identity" back. I want the name I was born with. That's the name I want to die with.

I hope I don't sound too crazy! LOL

Just thought I'd update this in case anyone is interested.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by victorialady

My last post on here was 12/10/06. I wanted to update you since then.

My adopted mother passed away on 12/14/06 very suddenly. We had not spoken for 2 years. She was not a nice lady and I'm not so sure she did me any favors by adopting me.

It's been a very difficult time for me since she passed away. I can't really say I miss her, but I do hope and pray she is at peace.

What's been difficult for me is to learn she did not leave me anything. I was an only child, but I found out she left everything to her neighbor/caregiver. It's a long story and I won't bore you with it, but the gist of the story is the neighbor/caregiver gave her the attention and "played the game" that my mother liked. I never knew how to do that with her, hence, I got nothing.

At first, I was hurt and angry. My mother loved to tell people how much she "loved" me but in reality she did everything she could to drive me away from her. I got to the point, two years ago, when she told me she made a big mistake by adopting me, that I couldn't take her verbal abuse any more and I didn't have any contact with her since then. I know...I know....I'm getting what I deserve.

My point in all this is.....I've finally made a decision about changing my name. I've decided to do it. I may be 60 (but look and feel 40!), and my husband thinks I've lost my mind, but I just don't want the "tie" to her any more. I don't know what the circumstances were that my "real" mother gave me up, and I'll probably never know, but I want my "identity" back. I want the name I was born with. That's the name I want to die with.

I hope I don't sound too crazy! LOL

Just thought I'd update this in case anyone is interested.

Not a bit crazy.. I think I wrote that I did it. My dad, who had been married to my mom when I was born, then agreed to give me when she remarried... adopted me back at age 35..

So, I think it is a great Idea...

Some mothers, bio or adoptive want babies, not children.. sounds odd I know. But we all know people who are better with children then teens, or grown children..

Just remember, you always deserved to be loved and wanted.

As a birthmother, I wanted and love my son, that my age was all anyone could see. So my mother forced me to give him up.. Today, that wouldn't be as much an issue as it was in 1964.

Hugs