[epenn922]

For some background, I found my bmom and half-sisters about 8 years ago. They all made it crystal clear that they never want contact with me. All three of them live about 2 hours (in different directions) from me. I have never seen any of them and besides a few nasty lines on a post-it and a brief note telling me to go away, there hasn't been any direct communication. My bmom did get a lawyer after me a few years ago when I sent her a Christmas card -- oh, and her husband did write a letter to the paper calling me and my deceased bdad predators, but I digresss....

Yesterday while I was bored and stuck inside with the kids because of the rain, I was surfing the internet. I came across information that my half-sister's job has moved and she will be working about 45 minutes away from me in a town where my youngest has her ENT and we have to go there frequently lately. She teaches a class to very young children and they have the times listed, etc. of when her classes are.

Would you be in the same place at the same time hoping to get a glimpse of her?

Elaine

[healingfeeling]

you bet your bottom dollar.....

i'm not saying if its right or wrong, but i think i'd do it.

[Alli_Driscoll]

Oh definitely. The curiosity would get the better of me for sure.

[cnb1099]

Not even a doubt! Yup, I would be there.

[epenn922]

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm afraid that if I catch a glimpse of her, she'll catch a glimpse of me and something in her head will 'click' that it's me. I don't want to scare her or anything....and I don't want another lawyer contacting me, even though I'd be doing nothing illegal.

Another part of me would love to leave a note asking her to meet me for lunch around the corner, but that would probably totally freak her out. Also, face-to-face rejection from her would probably be really, really painful for me.

And to add to it, I really feel like last year, I was in the same restaurant, at a table next to my bmom. I froze and didn't say anything -- watched her walk out the door. Of course, I don't know for sure that it was her, but I've been over it a bunch of times in my head and get frustrated with myself that I didn't even attempt to talk to her..... That may have been my imagination, who knows.

Elaine

[EmmaLeigh2882]

My thought would be this, there is a chance that they would NOT recognize you. If that is the case you may end up striking a friendship up with your half sister and she wouldn't even know its you ( if the truth ever got out I am sure you would want to have a REALLY good reason for not telling her sooner) maybe if she got to know you for YOU and not for the DNA involved she might find out how great a person you are...

I know it kinda sounds like a cheesy movie plot....
I would go just to be me and see how she reacted without knowing who you are.

Sometimes we have preset ideas about people that really aren't true and need something or someone to break those notions up!

[Queenie312]

Hi Elaine I'm afraid curiosity would get the better of me and I would be there hoping to get a glimpse of her and hoping she would see me. If she recognizes you then I'm sure you would know it by her reaction then or later. If she did not recognize you then I don't know if I would make the first move or not but then again I'm a chicken when it comes to stuff like that. I would be too afraid to go through more rejection or cause more problems, etc. That's a tough decision I guess. Good luck and let us know what happens!!!

[alinev]

Elaine, I am so sorry that you have been treated so badly. I am not an adoptee, but an adoptive mom and I often worry about what the reception will be like for my children if and when they choose to make contact with members of their birth family. You sound like a lovely, caring person and my thoughts to you are the same as I would convey to my own children. You have made yourself known and they have acted horribly. Would you treat anyone is such a manner? No decent person would. It is not your job to convince them that you are a worthwile human being - they are the one's missing out and frankly, given their behavior you will always be better off without them. It is terribly sad, but their character has spoken.

[longingtomeetyou]

i am so sry your birthmom is acting this way

how sad.....
i would NEVER turn my daughter away .....what was the reason your birthmom doesnt want contact? did she say?

in regards to whether you should peek at her or not......
i would be sad if daughter only wanted to "peek" at me......seeing as i want a continuing relationship with her hopefully......i would want reunion....
but in your case i dont see any harm in peeking......
hope you find healing hon

[epenn922]

Thanks to everyone who responded. I still don't know what I'm going to do.

My bmom and bsis's reaction (in my mind) seem to stem from my bmom not telling anyone about my existence, including her husband - who she married 18 months after my birth. She also claims that I was conceived by a date rape. Although according to my deceased bdad's now-deceased sister, he had wanted to marry my bmom and confronted her about her pregnancy. She told him that she was pregnant by someone else.

I think that she built up a wall of lies and was probably shaken to the core when Catholic Charities sent her a letter about me -- she threatened to sue them. I have tried a few times over the years to connect with her -- the last time being the Christmas card lawyer thing -- I think that was 2003. Time flies.

Elaine

[SallyLF]

I would definitely have to take a look! Be sure to do it on a sunny day so you can wear sunglasses w/o looking like James Bond. Do you have a good friend that could go with you, someone who could say "Okay, look NOW" or pretend to be in conversation with you as you peek, so it doesn't look like you're stalking your 1/2sister in case she sees you?

Be careful you don't get more hurt though, this sounds like a pretty emotionally tangled up bunch of people - the way you've been treated is appalling, and I'm sorry. Aren't you glad they didn't raise you? You seem like a better person than that....though you DID have the NERVE to send a Christmas card, you brute! I wonder if your bmom is the first human ever to threaten to sue over receiving a Christmas card? Good luck to you!

[Sniffles]

OK I am going to be the odd one here and say that if given the chance, I would not do it. I found my b-mom and didn't get a response from her. A few months later a search angels found my b-grandparents, who do want contact. Through them I found out that my b-mom does not want contact with me because she has not told my sister about me. So I have respected her right to privacy and I have not contacted her again. They live a few states away from me so there is no chance I could ever see them. I am in contact whit my grandparents and neither one of us wants to give that up. Now I know it is just a glimpse, but I would not want to risk getting caught. She has already threated you once, so why risk it again?

[jenn_e_ritter]

If they made it perfectly clear that they do not want you in your life, I wouldn't do it.

[SchmennaLeigh]

Originally Posted by jenn_e_ritter

If they made it perfectly clear that they do not want you in your life, I wouldn't do it.

Just playing devil's advocate for the sake of it: would you like to expand on that statement?

[alinev]

Originally Posted by epenn922

For some background, I found my bmom and half-sisters about 8 years ago. They all made it crystal clear that they never want contact with me. All three of them live about 2 hours (in different directions) from me. I have never seen any of them and besides a few nasty lines on a post-it and a brief note telling me to go away, there hasn't been any direct communication. My bmom did get a lawyer after me a few years ago when I sent her a Christmas card -- oh, and her husband did write a letter to the paper calling me and my deceased bdad predators,

I agree with the previous poster, the extreme's this bfamily has already gone to would seem to indicate a fairly high level of hosility. What next, a restraining order for stalking. How they came to this place would likely take years of therapy to work out. If and when they ever choose to welcome Elaine, they will likely not have too much trouble finding her. Why force what they do not presently want.