[whitsunday15]

I thought this morning, as I was on my way to the courthouse to legally change my name back to the one I was given at birth, about how all my life I sat quietly suffering from the pain of the secrecy of my biological history.
I felt, even at a young age, the shame that surrounded my birth. It shouldn't have been that way. Birth is natural and beautiful, and to keep so many secrets hurt me to the core on a daily basis.

I suffered my whole life in silence--until now. Now I am an adult, and I'm reclaiming my rights.

Anybody else feel this way?

[healingfeeling]

okay, i know i'm the queen of songs today...but....as I was reading this post I was listening to Wilson Philips "Hold On" and the line "no one can change your life except for you...you can sustain or are you uncomfortable with the pain".... i urge you to listen to or look up the lyrics to this song....

so anyway....the shame you spoke of whit...just hit me like a hot poker...seriously...it used to hurt me so bad and i felt it burning me on a daily basis and i would just keep it all in....even up until last summer I thought I was a bad person. I felt evil inside....its sad to think that's how i viewed myself...

i have now taken control of my life and i like the feeling...

life is beautiful....no matter if you're a foster child, an adopted child, a homeless child...no one should be made to feel anything less than a miracle.

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I hear you. Both.

Congrats on the name change.

[rilo kiley]

Whit- I am so happy for you.

I hear you both as well... I've felt that shame around my birth and identity as well. Only in this last month have I really begun to understand the weight of all those years of feeling that way.

Only now am I beginning that journey to reclaim myself. No one should be made to feel "less than" because of their status at birth and status within a defined "accepted" family.

I'm so happy for you and love picturing you driving to the courthouse with Wilson-Philips blasting on the radio- Nice song choice HF- I love it. Too true about the lyrics.

[whitsunday15]

Thank you Rilo!

I thought yesterday too, about how my adoptive parents formed a relationship with me, their newly adopted baby, out of fear and insecurity. Fear that someone (i.e. my mother) would come back and take me away. Insecure because I am not their biological child. They formed that relationship out of those two things and therefore, everything that they did, all of their actions towards me came from that fear and insecure place. I realized yesterday that no matter what the relationship is, if it is based in fear and insecurity, it will fall apart. You may not realize it when it is crumbling, but years down the line it won't be there anymore.

[Lilyrose]

Whit,

Congratulations on the name change. I completely understand the feelings you shared. For many years, I never shared with anyone I was adopted. I remember as a young child feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I really did not tell anyone, but my closest friends until I became an adult. My family was so dysfunctional I was glad I was not biologically related. If I may ask, what made you decide to legally change your name and how does your adopted family feel? I am curious. For years I never felt like my name should be what my aparents named me, it did not feel right. A year ago I was able to obtain my adoption decree, which listed my birth first name and last name. Everything made sense, finally.

[whitsunday15]

Originally Posted by Lilyrose

Whit,

Congratulations on the name change. I completely understand the feelings you shared. For many years, I never shared with anyone I was adopted. I remember as a young child feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I really did not tell anyone, but my closest friends until I became an adult. My family was so dysfunctional I was glad I was not biologically related. If I may ask, what made you decide to legally change your name and how does your adopted family feel? I am curious. For years I never felt like my name should be what my aparents named me, it did not feel right. A year ago I was able to obtain my adoption decree, which listed my birth first name and last name. Everything made sense, finally.

The same feelings that you have about your adopted name are the same feelings that I have, and the reason I am legally changing it. My aparents have actually referred to me by my original name, but they are a little upset that I am legally changing it. They have that right to be upset, but I have the right as well to change my name. So, quite frankly, I am doing what makes ME happy and not worrying about anyone else.

[Lilyrose]

I think that is wonderful. How empowering. Good for you.

[kakuehl]

As a birthmom who has shared her story with only a few over the years, I've become impatient with secrets. It's hard to break the pattern, but I'm working at it! I even talked about the adoption in my sermon yesterday! They can always run my out of town on a rail if they want!

As a birth mom I certainly never wanted my child to be raised by parents who feared losing him. Most of us can truly say we want the best for our children.

Blessings,
Kathy

[whitsunday15]

You're right Kathy!
My mom is working through the reality that the parents who adopted me raised me in that fear which affected me greatly. She has helped me to empower myself to overcome what I dealt with in my childhood. In essence, she is raising me to be a strong, confident person. And at the same time, she heals by watching her child "grow up".

[bostonboylost]

I too suffer in discretion, but it that fact I dont want to hurt others whom have cared for me or given me a new life; no nessasarily a better one. But I too do beleive its time for me to know the truth. My last name is Spencer and my 1st sons middle name was Spencer (wink wink) well leters have been maileed and waiting unpatiently I am. Congrats on your name change.

[healingfeeling]

bostonboy (i'm from there too),

waiting is the pits! i love that you used spencer in your son's name. i really want to do something like that when i have children also.

anyway, we're waiting with you.....whit and i are online all the time so feel free to keep posting!

[whitsunday15]

Congratulations to you Jason, for going after your truth.
The waiting is hard. UGH!

I am very happy to see adoptees taking control of their lives. It's a great feeling.

[irisheyes33]

Hey Whit, congrats on the name change. I know we'd talked about you doing this...I think it's wonderful that you've gone forward. It's the right thing for you, and I'm happy

[whitsunday15]

Thanks Irisheyes! It's good to see you back here!