[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by FallenChild

hi- knowing some NY law, I'd like to dispel a myth that is perpetutaed about a Mother's right to "Change her Mind" about her baby's adoption.

Often, it's said that although a pregnant mom goes along with the begiing stages of aoption for her baby, that she can "change her mind" and reverse the adoption. One gets the impression that all she has to do is say, "O.K. guys, I've changed my mind, and I want my baby" and immediately the adoption machine will stop. This however is a gross and fatal misunderstanding on her part, she she believes "changing her mind" about adoption is simply this easy!!

The problem for the mother when she "changes her mind" under New York Law, is that once the adoption of her child is started, she may well find herself fighting and uphill, if not impossible battle when trying to stop the adoption proceedings before the adoption is final or otherwise get her baby back. She may find that the adoption proceeding has prgressed to such a stage that she no longer has any more rights over her baby as the baby's mother as any stranger would - even before the adoption is final!!!! This will no doubt leave the mother surprised, if not stunned!! After all, tha baby is still hers until the adoption if final, isn't it!?!??! Well, the answer may well be a big fat NO!!!!!!!!! And so, herein lies the myth that a mother may "simply change her mind about adoption."

Once the adoption has progressed to a certain stage, the mother will now find herself having to prove why her baby should NOT be adopted, and must now prove that not having her baby adopted is in the best interest of her baby. Something she would never have had to prove if she didn't get involved in the adoption process in the first place!!! The mother may now find herself in a position of having to pay legal costs to prove she is worthy of her own baby, and right that would not have otherwise been questioned had she not "explored" adoption for her child. She must now prove that her baby is not better off with the potential adoptive parents or adoption agency and must pay a lawyer to do it, if she even expects a chance at being successful.

I personally was shocked when I read the New York law on this. I could hardly believe that such a shift in rights could be mounted against the natural mother with respect to her own child, but it is the law none the less!!! It makes one wonder about all the adoption ads out on the web about "adoption being a birth mother's choice".

Choice indeed, Fallen Child

There is no "Certain stage" that prevents someone from revoking consent.

Every birthmother must sign away her rights. And when she is signing the form, it states the exact time period she has to revoke. If the law says, you have two days to revoke and you don't revoke in those two days, your baby is going to be adopted. It doesn't matter if the baby's adoption by the new parents hasn't even started yet.

You are bound by the relinquishment paper you sign. If it states you cannot change your mind, you can't sign it and then change your mind. If it states, you have 72 hours to change your mind, you can't change your mind 3 weeks later.

Once you sign the relinquishment paper, you have no more rights to that child once the revocation period is over. It doesn't matter if the child is ever adopted. That doesn't matter in the eyes of the law. When you sign away your rights, you are giving up all claim to that child. Maybe the child will be adopted by the parents you chose. Maybe the agency will place the child with different parents. Maybe the child will go into foster care. Regardless of where the child ends up, you, as a birthmother, have no rights if you don't revoke your consent within the time allowed by law.

If you sign a relinquishment without talking to an attorney or reading the form, that isn't the baby or the adoptive parents' fault.

There is a lot of misinformation going on in this thread. And it's not fair to birthparents who are looking for actual answers.

[roula]

Originally Posted by whitsunday15

For adoptees and biological mothers from the closed era, do you ever suspect or feel that the adoption was illegal?

And if so, why do you think it may have been illegal?

my adopted mother bought me in Athens for 6000 dracmes in 1981.she knew that i had been taken from borth and wass till willing to do it.yes she wanted a baby but to more recent informtaion i was 3 months old at the time of my adoption which takes me back to march 1981.The hidden secrets she has kept from me ruined alot of my life and i have known since i was 6 years old that i was adopted,then later found i was stolen from my birth mother and she was given a death cerificate to say i had died.I am looking fo the family in crete who lost there daughter in march 2nd 1981,i am here and i am alive and would like to do DNA testing to proove its me.i have a good feeling abou this family and i am in search for them as i know they are in search for me.

[littlewanderer]

Originally Posted by carmel drake

Whit,
I was legally my daughter's mother, when I was told that my child's new parents were coming to get her, I was never told of a waiting period and I was never told that she was in foster care. All my legal rights were delibrately hidden from me and my daughter.

My Bmom didn't know I was going into foster care and told I was going to a rich family. Both my brother and my non id info was falsified. My brother was told his father was married and his mother had an affair. He didn't get married until a year after my brother was born. LIES !!!! That is what adoption was all about. And you wonder why these days there is a stigma and shame surrounding adoption

[Dickons]

Kat-L,

Both of your posts are to banned members.

I also think the thread is primarily about adoptions during the BSE era - 1947-1973. Laws have changed since then and even those referencing later adoptions were under different laws most likely. I doubt birth parents would be looking in the adult adoptee forum for advice.

Kind regards,
Dickons

[imagdrider]

Well where to start? My gramps told me that his lawyer friend who owed him a favor knew someone who had a baby so, my grandma and grandpa flew to Florida got me, brought me back to my mom (surprise) who had no idea I was coming.
Mom said she couldn't believe i didn't suffocate that 1st night cause i slept in a makeshift crib (a drawer w/a pillow in it) I was born in 1962 in Miami, FL (The Cole era) and when i was in my early 20's i told my Dad I wanted to search and he said, "Angela it was a bad situation thats better off left alone"