[LLAPHoping]

Hello everyone! I just need to let off some steam. I am a forty-one yr old adoptee. Ihave very little to NO information on my adoption. A couple months ago I found a search angel and she looked up my BC #s and found my bparents names and said I had a brother and a sisiter. Well, my problem is that here she has this info but I need to send her fifty dollars, which I know is a lot less than any search place but I still feel sad for some reason. She apparently gets ripped off all the time and it seems like she has forgotten about me. I know she's busy as she runs an organization that is helping many members of the adoption triad. Iguessit doesn't help cause I suscribed to thier newletter and get 150 e-mails a day which I read about this person looking for such and such and then their group is all close and I feel like nobody cares and yet I haven't emailed the owner back or let my feelings be known. I just feel stupid because SUCH important information for fifty dollars and then I had mentioned that people warned me about scams and the lady got offended a little and I have had NO info on my adoption/relinquishment and I am 41. My aparents never told me I was even adopted while growing up and then they died 17/18 years ago. I guess I am being unrealistic? I do't knowwhat to think, and I'm still a bit leary about if I did have the fifty dollars to spend at the moment, should I? Maybe I'lle-mail her. I did a couuple times to let her know my financial situation, I don't know. Could it just be fear or overwhelming emotions becauseI have never known anything for so long? And my aparents never told me any names or anything and lied to me my whole life about me being an adoptee. I'm confused and wouldlove some feedback. Female adoptee, born 1965 adoption finalized 1968? in Orange Couonty. Request for confidential adoption info. denied a couple years ago. No names of bfamily known. NO non-identifying info yet. But a woman in AZ was able to find out info and I can't get it cause I haven't sent fifty dollars yet. Feeling sorry for myself in Cali!!

[carmel drake]

Hi Lisa, If the searcher is honest and correct, you might be feeling sad because you have a brother and sister, that you might have to get to know and its overwhelming or you could be sad thinking that it might not be true.
Why not take the chance and pay for a certified bank money order. I think it will total about $54.00. I know sometimes having that extra money on hand might not come easy, but think of it as an investment.

I feel your sadness and wish I had some other ideas to suggest, but I can't think of anything else.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for you and your family.

Carmel

[Nicole28]

I have a search angel working with me, and she does not charge a fee, which I was so happy about. However, I know that many do - if it's a matter of feeling uncomfortable about paying a fee, maybe ask to speak with some people she has worked with in the past - you know, like a reference. Maybe that will put your mind at ease and you'll feel confident that sending the money is the right decision for you.

I would go for it - if you were denied access a few years ago, this may be your best option. I feel as though I would regret it if I didn't send it along and at least see what happens, you know?

Maybe call the angel and share your frustrations - if she is a professional she has probably dealt with this kind of setback before, and maybe she has some suggestions or compromises.

[Sniffles]

My first advice is to contact the owner and let him know your feelings. Some sites will not allow paid searchers and your situation just sounds a little fishy to me. If you do not feel comfortable paying the money, then don't. There are plenty of search angels out there who work for free. I am one, but I only work for the state of Texas and I also work for only one registry. Try registring on other sites, I had all of my info posted just about everywhere and I had a ton of search angels giving me so much info that my file grew from a folder to a 3 ring binder.

[thediva320]

I agree with everyone too. There are thousands of search angel sites that don't require or even wants payment. Try researching them, a lot of them have the same info this one does. Here is the one I used in case you are interested:

http://www.aci.net/schaefer/page60.html

Good Luck.

[Sniffles]

LOL, diva that's the one i work for!

[thediva320]

That's too funny! They are wonderful!!!!!!!!

[Sniffles]

Yes they are, thats why I chose to work with them. I was going to put the link in, but my computer was acting up earlier and I couldn't.

[LLAPHoping]

Thank-you for your thoughts and advice and support. I thinkI will do that, please contact me again would you if you have the time...
Sincerely, Lisa

[LLAPHoping]

Thanks! I think I will go for it, and Ill let you know what I find out. Thanks for the reply, sometimes I just feel so lost and way behind everyone else in searching and knowing what to do. Sincerely, LLAPHoping

[LLAPHoping]

Thank-youfor your reply...I think I'm just gonna sendthe fifty, though my gas might get shut-off, lol, I'll figure something out. Thanks for your support.
Lisa

[LLAPHoping]

Thank-you, I will check that out and I think I'm going to send the fifty anyways though, I mean I don't even have my bfamily's names, no info at all. How do you begin a search withbarely anything you know? I feel so stuck right now, but then again, maybe I'm procrastinating on purpose.... Keep in touch, Lisa

[Nicole28]

Lisa,

Maybe I missed something, but do you have non-identifying information? Send me a pm...I'll try & do a little hunting for you this week.

[ttate001]

Hi,
I'm a 44 year old adoptee and I can totally feel your pain. Been there. That's the ridiculous and disgusting part of adoption. There is a blackmarket for information. YOUR INFORMATION. If you have enough information you can go to the court and they can look up your file and a stranger can see information that you cannot. Nor can your children or grandchildren for 99 years!

You could ask for references to contact regarding the search angel. Personally for $50 I probably would just risk it. I looked for over 3 1/2 years for my birthmom and ran into one brick wall after another; private adoption. I finally located her through sheer luck and a lot of effort. I was to the point that I was going to apply to to court in Indiana to have my case assigned to a mediatior, and it would have cost $200. By then I was frustrated and angry at the system but willing to spend the money. I have never regretted the time and effort I spent. Not only did I find my birthmom but I found part of myself. I found a half-brother I love and a niece (as well as other relatives) I absolutely adore.
I hope this helps you. Best wishes in your search!
Teresa