[jenk76]

Just Wondering If Anyone Feels The Same?

Ive meet my bsiblings and my bmum and all went well but how can i change how i feel??
I dont feel like i belong anywhere cing my bfamily all together they have there past and stories to tell and while i love hearing it all not only am i jealous of the bond they share but upset that ive missed out on this life that should of been mine..
How do i make up for the past 30 years with people i want to be so close with?
I always feel like the stranger looking in...The story of my life...

[Sniffles]

I think all adoptees feel that way at some point. I just happened to speak to my grandfather this morning and when he was talking about the family I felt a little left out. My grandparents are the only ones who I have contact with. My b-mom refuses to speak to me. I feel kidof left out because I really want to meet these people and I haven't yet.

[love4]

My daugther is reunited with her birthfamily. She tried to fit in and her birthmom wanted her to be a part of their family. She has no past with them but she does with us. She can come home and we can laugh and enjoy the things that make up a family. The past. We talk about little stories of her growing up years and we are family. She is coming to the conclusion that we ARE family. She has a family to share with. Traditions, outings, holidays and more. She does fit in. She has a place to call family. She spends a lot of time with her birthmom but sees her as a great friend. She sees her more than she sees us but when she wants to fit in............she comes home. She still struggles with both families but she is coming to a place of peace and acceptance. She can have us both.........just in different ways.

[akm]

Jen,

I've been reunited with my birth family (bmom, bdad, and three sisters) for four years. Every situation is different, but here is my answer to your question.

Yes, I think we all feel like that sometimes, I know I did and do. You will never be able to make up for thirty lost years. They will always have memories that you were not a part of, just as you (hopefully) have many beautiful memories with your adoptive family that your birth family will never be a part of. It is hard for both sides.

Before I start to sound too negative, I have a wonderful relationship with my birth family. The key is to not dwell on the 30 years you lost, but the lifetime you have together. My family and I have built 4 years of memories together. Through that, I have become more and more of an insider. I think you just have to decide to deal with the discomfort that comes with sometimes feeling like an outsider, and realize you have a lot of ground to cover. It cannot happen in one day. Or in one year. The first Christmas I spent with my birth family was two plus years into reunion, and although I wouldn't give it up for anything, it was hard. Leading up to it I felt like I would be intruding on very a very personal, family time where I didn't belong. The key, I think, is realizing this is normal. And, I still occasionally have these twinges.

We have to be patient, and honest. Let our family know how we feel, and hope they will do the same. And, at least for me, somewhere along the line it started feeling "normal".

A

[jenk76]

Thankyou so much for u words of wisdom...
Just talking to people who have been through this and have the same experiences helps alot....

[dmca]

jenk honey,
YOu may not have a past, but you have a NOW and LOTS of the future.
Why not share your experiences with your family when they talk of experiences with theirs?
I'll bet your siblings will be able to relate and will be interested in hearing about it. I know I would be.
dmca
hugs hugs and more hugs

[rilo kiley]

Jen- I have only been in reunion for 4 months- and haven't yet been able to meet f2f, though I want to.

I am so afraid of that feeling- I have it already through email and phone calls. I can only imagine how "outside looking in" I will feel. I just turned 29 after I found my bmom and bdad. I know how you must feel- at least a little.

I don't know yet how to get through it, but I do think acknowledging it is a good place to start. My brother in my adoptive family (he is their bio-son) just had a baby, (my godson) 4 months ago and my half-brother (my bmom's son) is about to be a daddy any moment- maybe already so- and I don't know if he will even a welcome a gift from me....I sent and called my sister-in-law so many times gift and checking in- wanting to know how this will change my abrother's life- and yet, my half-sibling- we have never spoken and I do not know if he would welcome or question a gift or card from me... It's a strange world to be looking in on.

I hear you- I hope you can get through. Welcome to this great sight- pm me if you'd like.

[Averne]

I've been in reunion with my birth family for about a year and a half now, and didn't really start to acknowledge my own feelings of jealousy and feeling left out until this summer. In the past year, I've gone from being an only child longing for my siblings to finding out that I'm number five out of seven siblings, most of whom were adopted out of the family.

My oldest three siblings have spent much of their lives together, and the next oldest reunited with everyone about five or six years ago, when she was 16. Enter me, 19 years old at the time. It was entirely overwhelming and surreal to finally meet the siblings I'd dreamed of for my whole life, but it was also overwhelming to realize that they already had very solid relationships. I felt very left out and very jealous of their bond, though I didn't fully recognize those feelings until a few months ago.

I recently went to visit my fourth oldest sister in Denver for a few days. During my visit, we had the chance to talk about a whole range of issues surrounding our adoptions (she was the first to be adopted outside of the family, and she grew up as an only child, too, so she understands exactly where I'm coming from). Talking with her helped me to realize that I don't have to be afraid to be honest with my siblings about my feelings. As my sister told me, they're the ones who have lived through all this, so who can better understand my many twisted feelings but them? This new realization has helped me to be less reserved in forming relationships with them than I had previously been, and has given me a new hope that I'll be able to feel as much a part of my birth family as my siblings all do.