[LizzieM]

I am going abousolutely insane. but i've read a lot of these forums and i feel like that is kind of normal given my situation.

here's my update. two and a half weeks ago, through a friend of my aunts, i found out the names of my maternal bgrandparents. last friday i sent them a letter, last saturday they called me, and tuesday we went to dinner.
they were talking to my bmom and me. it seemed she was kind of upset. the whole thing didn't really go as planned. so i wrote her a letter. mailed it overnight on friday and she called me yesterday. i wasn't here and she left me a lovely message.

i called her back and we only had a chance to talk for 20 minutes. her in-laws are in town. but everything went really well. she was very happy to talk to me. she said that she has always thought about me. she is even talking to her husband about trying to fly up here in three weeks. she hadn't even talked to me and was already planning this.

so i know i am very lucky, but here's the thing that's driving me nuts. she said that she would call me again after her in-laws left. she was supposed to call me tonight. well it's now 8pm and it looks like she's not going to call. i have been waiting for this all weekend.

i am so frustrated. i just don't get it. she seems like she wants to get to know me.

aaaaahhhhh ...i have barely begun a reunion and i'm already going crazy. i feel like this occupies my thoughts most of the time and its driving me nuts. i'm also not thrilled that i go from being completely overjoyed one second to crying the next.

this sucks......i figured others could relate, so i thought i would post this to other's who could understand.

[RiverGal]

Lizzie ~ Sorry you are in limbo and waiting for the phone to ring. Could be any number of reasons why you have not heard anything yet. Just try to stay positive (I know...easier said than done).

All of my contact was through snail mail. It really sucked watching the mailbox...especially when the carrier would pass by without stopping.

Hang in there...and vent away when you need to!

~Deb

[whitsunday15]

It is normal. Do you have her phone number? One time I told my mom that I would call her at such and such a time, and she called me earlier than that. She said she just couldn't wait any longer. Maybe you could call your bmom and just say, "Hey! I couldn't wait to talk to you again. Is it a good time, or should I call back later?"
What harm can that do? Maybe she just got busy cleaning up after they left, or maybe they stayed longer than planned, or maybe she wants to settle in before calling you. You never know. Try to stay calm.

[thediva320]

I know exactly how you feel and what you are going thru. I contacted my bmom via letter around April. On May 8th she called me. By May 15th she planned on coming and was here. She didn't ask if it was okay or if I even wanted to meet her quite yet. I did want to meet her eventually, just not 7 days after our first phone call. At any rate, if I have any advice I can offer is that you should be clear about what you want and what you are comfortable with. If you are not comfortable meeting your bmom in 3 weeks, then you need to tell her that. My bmom also said that she wanted to get to know me and that she always thought about me. She made a lot of promises to me very early. I felt overwhelmed and like she was being way to pushy. After a failed face-to-face, she returned home just 3 hours after she landed here. Then called me up and TOLD me, didn't ask, but TOLD me that in December she planned on coming here again so I could meet her husband and my 2 half brothers.
I know how hard this is that you are going thru. I know that it might seem overwhelming and at times just plain out of control. But it is very important that boundaries are set from the beginning and that everyone involved adheres to those boundaries. My bmom and my reunion failed miserably. Partly because I didn't speak up and tell her exactly how I felt about meeting. But mostly because when I did try to speak up about things that were VERY important to me, she ignored me. We haven't spoken now for one month, and it appears that it we won't be speaking at least in the near future. I am not saying yours will turn out like mine, but be sure to stand your ground and be open, honest and up front with your bmom and encourage and let her know that she needs to do the same for you.
Things will work out in the end. Be patient, keep your head up, and keep posting. We are here to help you thru every step of your reunion.

[Jan18]

Waiting is tough! I can tell you, that it takes a lot for me to mustar up the courage to call my b-mom. I have been in reunion since January of this year, and I still get butterflies when I call her. Mind you I have met her face to face and we e-mail back and forth. However, picking up that phone, dialing and waiting to see who will answer just makes me sick to my stomach. I have equated it to calling that boy in middle school who I had a crush on. So, what I am trying to get at is that your mom just might be nervous. Give her some time. If you don't hear from her in a day or two, call her!

Congrats on your reunion. It is a crazy ride!!

[healingfeeling]

Lizzie

I understand how you feel. My bdad calls me almost everyday and this week I haven't talked to him since Tuesday, I was freaking out all weekend and called his cell numerous times. I called his mother today and she told me that he dropped his phone and its broken! So there could be a valid reason she hasn't called yet. Or like whit said, maybe they stayed late, she's too tired, or she's busy cleaning or something. Its only like 8:30, maybe she'll call tonight or maybe tomorrow....all I can say is I understand what the "waiting game" feels like...its such a pain!

[jenn_e_ritter]

I am going through the same thing. For the first time today my bmother called. I hardly spoke I was so nervous. The next minute later I talk to my bsister and I talked to her for two hours.

I am going through a roller coaster of emotions myself. One minute happy, next sad. But it is totally worth it. Give her time. Everything will go as planned

[LizzieM]

thanks for all the support everyone. it is nice to know i can vent somewhere where everyone understands. i know i have to be patient, unfortunately that is not my strong suit, but i am trying very hard.

Originally Posted by whitsunday15

It is normal. Do you have her phone number? One time I told my mom that I would call her at such and such a time, and she called me earlier than that. She said she just couldn't wait any longer. Maybe you could call your bmom and just say, "Hey! I couldn't wait to talk to you again. Is it a good time, or should I call back later?"
What harm can that do? Maybe she just got busy cleaning up after they left, or maybe they stayed longer than planned, or maybe she wants to settle in before calling you. You never know. Try to stay calm.

Whit -- i do have her number, but the thought of calling absolutely terrifies me. i feel that i have to wait for her to call me. like if i call i'm being too pushy and i'll freak her out. i've only talked to her for 20 mintues, so i'm still not entirely sure how's she's feeling. also, she has a husband and 3 little kids that take up a lot of her time.

Jan -- i totally know what you are talking about with the butterflies. i am completely like that. i know that it will happen for awhile with me.

i think if she doesn't call tonight, i might try calling her tomorrow night. if i can work up the courage. if not, i don't think i'll be able to last past next weekend, so i will probably call by then.

[irisheyes33]

Hey Lizzie,

Oh gosh...I've been there too. Just offering my support. Whit is right, there could be all kinds of valid reasons there (and you know that too, but it's just the emotion of the whole darn thing...!) Roller coaster doesn't seem like a strong enough term.

Let us know how things go, okay?

[kakuehl]

Hi Lizzie,
Welcome to the roller coaster called reunion. As a bmom in reunion I'm on the other side but many of the feelings are the same. Even after 9 months in reunion, I feel uncomfortable calling D. I'm always afraid that I'm going to be calling at an inconvenient time. Mostly we talk in IM's on line.

I have to share with you that as the bmom, I would definitely have moved faster than D was ready for. I've been trying to listen for cues, but sometimes it's difficult. I think many bmoms have waited literally all the achild's life for the meeting. (Unfortunately it can lead to many unrealistic expectations!)

Blessings on your reunion,
Kathy

[Sniffles]

Been there, done that. I know just how you feel and my prayers are with you. I was able to contact my b-grandparents and they in turn talked to my b-mom. Well she was very upset too, but she has never contacted me.
I do keep contact with my grandparents. We talked on the phone for an hour the first time and traded e-mails back and forth. The last e-mail was before Mother's day and I didn't hear anything from them for awhile. I was freaking out. My computer was broke at that time also so I had no way to tell if they e-mailed me. All kinds of thoughts just ran through my head.
I finally called them a few months later and they were happy to hear from me. They told me that no matter what they will always keep me in their lives. They were very busy during that time and they were traveling most of the time. The morning I called her the second time she had e-mailed me that morning to basically let me know that they had not forgotten about me.
Don't worry things will turn out alright, she probably got caught up doing things. If she has 3 little kids then her time is definatly taken up. I have 2 myself and they are a handful.